In regular, everyday life... many people would not guess I'm submissive. I'm headstrong, determined, opinionated with no problem voicing it, intelligent, and powerful. When collaborating on work with someone I can be quite demanding with high expectations because if I'm going to do something/I want to do something I put my heart into it and don't half-ass it. I also have had problems with authority, especially growing up... was a nuisance in school, but the teachers loved me since I was intelligent and articulate... which also was a cause of woe to administrators. Have had some problems here and there with the law. Rebelled against my parents... rebelled against society... rebelled against any orders anyone ever gave me... Not exactly the stereotypical image of a "spineless submissive" most people have, I think.
I'm definitely no backbone-free "beta-male," though I suppose I'm not exactly an alpha-male either... I certainly am no fratboy/jock/player/pickup artist/etc... I love going against people's social expectations, pushing the envelope, marching to the beat of my own drum... who knows, maybe that's more "alpha" than the "fuck em and leave em because it makes me a MAN" conformists. Because of this, I have little inhibition about living an alternative lifestyle... but I think most people wouldn't "peg" me as a sub... I had a tendency to attract submissive females... though maybe that was just because there are a ton of submissive females (really, a ton of subs in general... feel like we're living in a doms' world, which sort of makes sense).
Since I was either alone or with a non-dominant woman (or a woman who was willing to try, but wasn't like... overtly dominant on her own without suggestion) I felt unfulfilled. I've always been loyal to my friends and family, but before I was loyal to a fault. I guess, in a way, I was "submitting" to them, looking for that fulfillment. I'd carry out almost any request, I was too forgiving... and of course people (users) would take advantage of this. Abuse my trust and my generosity, just take take take 'til I had nothing left then move on.
I never imagined being with a truly, completely dominant woman who knows how to do it and loves doing it would be so cathartic, so liberating, so fulfilling. I don't feel the need to constantly look for approval in others... I please my Mistress and that's all I need. So it's sort of like I've gotten my true nature back... Yes I am submissive... but I should only be submissive to the one who can actually control me, who owns me. It's unhealthy to look for that sort of validation in non-dominant people because they don't know what to do with it and they aren't interested in taking care of you and helping you flourish as a person, they'll just use it to their advantage for what they can rape out of you. Not that I wouldn't stand up for myself... but when I came to love/trust someone... I just had a natural inclination to want to please them... and some people ran with that.
So I'm so thankful for my Mistress' control... though sometimes I feel inadequate because I'm not like a lot of submissives... that just accept everything and question nothing... That just instantly bow to authority. When I question hers she obviously swiftly puts me in my place and I love that because she's actually capable of doing what no one else is, actually controlling me and ordering me around... And I hope that she likes that... that it makes her feel more special than just owning a... idk... robot who instantly bows to every whim, never asks why, never gets headstrong or has his own mind or fights for anything... I love my Mistress so I feel like I've got to fight for her. If someone disrespects or hurts her they better watch out and hope she's forgiving because I'll bite and bite hard... but she of course holds the leash... and yes, her grip is firm and I'd never turn on or snap at her... but idk. I would think that controlling something that, while it wants and desires to be controlled has to be controlled by someone/something actually better than him and actually needs to be kept in check... something that idk, might actually take some work... would be more fulfilling/enjoyable to her... Because if not then you could just get a vibrator or a literal sex-toy... I think it's good to be a submissive with a mind that, though you're unworthy and would do anything and everything to please your Mistress, have a head on your shoulders. Like... I could never be with a woman who wasn't as smart or smarter than me... because I could hide things from her / pull shit with her. I'm a rebel... and part of why I enjoy being submissive and love my Mistress is because I need some control.. someone somewhere has to have some control over me because when left entirely to my own devices it's not good. I make bad decisions. I overstep my bounds. I need her to keep me in line, I really do. I'm not one of those submissives that will just be submissive to nothing... they'll be submissive without even having a Mistress/Master. But I actually need her. It makes me feel like I can appreciate her more... I dunno. I'm rambling... I've got a feeling in my head that I'm having trouble getting out... but long story short is... I just love and appreciate her so much. I'd be lost without her. I'd be going in a million different directions, exerting myself every which way without really getting anything done. She gives me focus. She guides me, loves me, nurtures me, and helps me grow as a person so much... I feel like the "Yes-men" have nothing to grow into... While I'm like a clay in her hands for her to build into what she wants me to be... those submissives are like a soup that can be bent and shaped by anyone or anything. If that makes any sense.
She's strict and demanding so she can whip me into shape, but she's also hands down the most caring, loving, genuine, good-hearted person I've ever encountered. So while I resist influence from every other direction and try to always do what -I- want and fuck everyone else... I love bending to hers. I love doing what she wants and what she tells me to... I know she knows what's best better than I do and it's so liberating to like... just accept that. That someone knows what's best for me and I can just relax and take guidance and listen to someone else when I'm so used to feeling like I always can only depend on myself that everyone else will let me down... But she doesn't. I can depend on her. I can lean on her, rely on her... I can't explain it... I guess the only explanation needed is that I love her. Fully and completely. And I don't think just any mistress/master would ever match up to her specifically because I won't bend to just anyone's will... she's perfect for me and I want to be hers forever and always. And I want her to make me perfect for her... and I know she can and will.
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