I matured at a very young age, and as such discovered sex very early in my life. (I started getting pubes around 8 and first truly masturbated around 9 or 10... I didn't come the first few times just precum which confused me, but with a little practice I was masturbating daily by 11). I can remember getting hard and thrusting against cushions / my couch at around 7 or 8 while watching The Shining (that scene where the woman comes out of the tub and is naked... the trick was watching it and pausing+rewinding JUST before she changes into that ugly nasty witch thing while dancing with Jack Torrance).
Not long later I found a VHS tape in an apartment building and picked it up out of curiosity after visiting a friend and brought it home. To my surprise it turned out to be 12 hours of porn! Oh I had much fun sneaking to the t.v. at night after my parents fell asleep to watch it in private (I was around 9 or 10). It was vanilla stuff, mostly softcore lesbian scenes... but that was enough to sate me at the time because since I was so young and knew very little of sex and hadn't really talked about it much with anyone (when I had heard a neighborhood girl say something about a vagina and asked my mom what it was, I can remember her saying, "I don't know, sounds like Spanish!") it felt taboo... "naughty," I didn't know much about what I was doing, but I sort of had a feeling that I "shouldn't" be doing it and that made me want to do it more. It helped me learn early on that the plain stuff... like guys just fucking girls, didn't do much for me... the scenes I liked most were the ones that featured analingus. But there was no BDSM to speak of.
Then at around age 11 I got my first computer... and it was all downhill from there. The internet opened me up to a whole big world of porn... I still had a feeling that what I was doing was "taboo" or somehow "wrong," so I tried my best to hide it from my parents. There were a couple incidents where I got caught... like a popup that covered the whole screen that I couldn't close... I told my dad about it and he sat me down and talked... telling me it was OK and stuff and that he'll keep it between us and not to tell my mother. Whenever my mother found anything, she'd be quite mad, but he'd calm her down and say it's normal... or ask her to send it to him (after they got divorced) so he can see for himself. I would still mostly look at vanilla stuff... mostly lesbians, anal, asslicking... I knew I liked the "dirty" stuff, but I didn't really know why or understand it yet.
I had seen BDSM stuff passing over thumbnails... but most of the popular/prevalent stuff at the time was Mdom / Fsub which didn't really pique my interest at all, I had grown up being taught to respect women (which would soon clash with how many girls I met actually wanted to be treated). It wasn't until I was in 8th grade, late 13 or early/mid 14 that I saw a woman walking a man on a leash and collar (he was walking upright, not on his hands and knees) at a local fair that I found femdom. I didn't know what it was, I didn't know why, but I was JEALOUS. I wanted her... or someone... anyone to do that to me!
When I got home I took to the internet faster than a sprinter hearing the gunshot go off... I couldn't get enough. Asslicking, facesitting, consensual non-consent, pegging, bondage, whipping/flogging/caning, pet-play... the dirtier/more taboo the better. I started with visual porn, but quickly discovered I preferred reading sex stories since they allowed me to better understand the emotional and psychological aspects to it instead of just the physical/visual. Stories where the women owned men as 24/7 slaves got me so hot and bothered... but I didn't think I'd ever actually experience it. The thought scared me... I wanted to submit, but I was so headstrong in life and even liked having control over some things (like running/organizing events, being "president" over things in school, etc) that I didn't know if I could handle it. Having every aspect of my life controlled. Not only that, but some of these stories described absolutely horrific things... I wasn't too into the ultra-extreme like horrible torture designed to really damage or maim someone, using their slaves as human toilets (the complete submission aspect of this I could understand, but the reality of the act itself grossed me out), forcing sex-changes on their slaves... the women described in a lot of these stories sounded like despicable, disgusting, hateful people. I hadn't discovered the "loving" side of BDSM yet, which was horribly under-represented on the internet and in porn at the time... and I didn't really like it just for the sake of cruelty and human torment.
Not long after I got into my first relationship. I knew I wanted to try some kink, but she'd have no part in it. She was completely vanilla and quite the opposite of dominant/confident, she was so self-conscious she wouldn't even let me eat her out. Missionary with the lights off, always. I got bored with the sex fast, but we had been friends before we got together and got along great so the relationship lasted for months... just shy of a year I think. Then came my second long term relationship. She was more experimental and introduced me to the "loving" side of BDSM, but submitting 24/7 horrified me because in a lot of ways I was more intelligent than her... and I couldn't have someone dumber than me trying to control me. Not to mention she was unstable mentally, and often put me through some pretty tough experiences, to say the least. We were passionate, though, and broke up and got back together often, but after 3 years we both had had enough.
After this I was quite jaded. I felt at times like I didn't want to be submissive anymore... Like I never wanted to let someone do the things she'd done to me again. How could I let someone control me so completely, only to just hurt me so deeply? I tried to do the "go out and get laid" thing, but that was never for me. I didn't enjoy it, I needed an emotional connection with my partner and vanilla sex doesn't do it for me. I don't feel comfortable asking someone I don't feel very close to and trust completely to dominate me. That was my mistake with the previous relationship, asking her to dominate me before I knew her well. But at the time I thought it was asking her to dominate me at all.
Without having my sexual submissive nature satisfied... I looked for satisfaction in non-sexual areas of my life. I'd try to please friends and family as best I could... I'd be too generous. Too giving. I'd do almost any task asked of me and I was commonly taken advantage of. Over time I started coming to grips with the fact that I was submissive and always would be... that I'd always want a woman to control me and guide me, but that I just needed one that was capable. That I'm a strong, proud, intelligent person who needs an even stronger, prouder, more intelligent person to control him... just any average "pro" domme or woman who wants to dominate the occasional stranger on a weekend wouldn't do. I had tried being dominated NSA, it didn't work for me.
I spent a long time looking. Putting myself out there and being rejected, meeting women and deeming them unsatisfactory... It was hard finding one that stood up to my character-standards (honesty, loyalty, etc) but would also have the same interests as me. I still wasn't absolutely positive I wanted to be dominated 24/7, but I knew I wanted to be in a relationship with a dominant woman who would dominate me well and dominate me often. I never wanted any form of "role reversal" or anything like that, but maybe submissive in the bedroom and a little less so out of it.
Eventually, I got to the point where I gave up looking. I figured there wasn't a "perfect" woman out there for me. It hurt at first, but I got used to it. I took time to focus on myself, which was actually much needed and did me well. Sorted out areas of my life that had completely deteriorated. In a lot of ways, rebuilt myself and made myself stronger. Just going about my business. Occasionally I'd see a glance, that look that says "I want you," the signs that a woman's interested... but I'd ignore them. I'd always think, "If you only knew what I would want you to do to me, you'd run the opposite direction" and go about my business.
Then... out of fucking nowhere... I met her. Maybe it was because neither of us were really "putting ourselves out there," so to speak... openly looking for someone. Maybe it was because I had taken a long siesta from looking and had improved myself and became confident in my wants/desires... I don't know. But I set eyes on her, and the rest is history. It was like lightning struck, from the second I saw her I knew she was something special, she exudes sexuality and drips confidence. She speaks with a ferocity rarely seen, you know that she's not some lost little girl without a care in the world... she knows what she wants and she knows how to get it. When in her presence it's like a trance, hypnotized. Getting to know her has been an awesome journey and each day's a blessing. Every time I discover something new about her, it's as thrilling as uncovering some great mystery.
We started speaking and soon saw we had scores of things in common, from sexuality to life experiences to non-sexual interests... It's almost like in terms of personality, sense of humor, and interests that we're mirror images of one another. But it's baffling... not only is she such a beautiful person inside, but she's drop-dead sexy outside as well. Alluring, adorable, tantalizing, enticing facial features with powerfully emotive expressions all perched atop a picture-perfect svelte physique with overbearing body language. It's intimidating and exhilarating at the same time and knowing she's way out of my league (she even works in the fucking entertainment industry [not adult entertainment]. WTF? I don't know what it is, but apparently I did something that made the big man upstairs REALLY happy) and it only makes it all the easier and pleasurable submitting to such a presence.
After just a handful of conversations / meetings with her I knew I wanted to be hers. And because of how kind, caring, giving, loving, and just sweet she can be... how honest and loyal she is... she made me feel entirely at ease. She calmed any worries I had had about being in a 24/7 relationship... it was no longer under consideration it was definite... I didn't want to just get a nut off on the weekends and then walk away... I wanted to be at her feet all the time. To please her constantly, do whatever she wants me to, to be her little slut/bitch/foo-foo dog/baby boy/pet/bend over boyfriend and love every fucking minute of it and that's exactly what I'm doing.
I'd never had imagined it would be this... perfect. It's the best decision I've ever made, by far... (submitting to her 24/7). The joy it brings me to see a smile on her gorgeous face, or here that pretty little lilting laughter... oh, there's nothing else like it. She's so addicting... more than any drug out there... when I'm not with her I'm fiending hard, I can't take it... I need more. I'd do more and worse things than any crackhead or heroin addict to have her, to appease her, to please her... She's the light of my life and serving her has been so healing, so liberating, so just fucking perfect that I thank my lucky stars and God and all potential powers that be that she's in my life and loves me. I can't imagine my life without her... I never want to go back to the way things were before I met her...
I don't make good decisions and I can't be left alone to act as I please... having her to tell me what to do and lead me and guide me and punish me if I stray from the path is so... comforting. It's like I know everything will be better than just OK, everything will be excellent, amazing, perfect if I just listen to her and keep her happy. Life couldn't be simpler! Do what Mistress says and life is perfect. Before I had no idea what to do... now I know.
So yeah... I couldn't be happier with serving my Mistress 24/7, but it took me a long time to come to that decision. Ultimately, had I not met her I don't think I'd have ever made the leap. She just made me feel so comfortable, I trust her so much and know that no harm will come of me. No one else made me feel this way, made me feel like I NEEDED to serve her. So if you're thinking about making the leap to 24/7, but are worried/unsure... I'd say if you love your potential Mistress/Master completely and unconditionally... if you always want to make them happy and if he/she is truly a good person with your interest in mind not just their own... then it will be an amazing experience. There are however some very cruel people out there who are truly only in it for themselves... I have a loving relationship with my Mistress and wouldn't want it any other way... so just be careful and try to protect yourself while you're getting to know them and don't jump in until you're sure that they're great and won't hurt you... unless you're into the extreme/cruelty but I don't know how anyone could be... When you're REALLY being punished not "funished," you're not going to enjoy it... at least I don't. Not physically, anyways... emotionally and mentally I do since it's what must be done for displeasing my Mistress and to make her happy again... But yeah. Serving her has made me the happiest I've EVER been and probably ever will be... And because of that, because of how much I love her, need her, care about her, want her, think about her, and desire her... I'll never leave her and never hurt her. She's done so much for me in such a short time... more than anyone else has and I know I can never repay her for that, but I hope serving her 'til I die completely and fully would be a good start.
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