Fellow Male Submissives (and female dominants): Keep those hopes up!

I just wanted to let my fellow male submissives to stay chipper and keep looking.


Some Backstory (if you don't do intros): I'm a 23 year old msub with only a little bit of experience. I'm definitely not some pathetic excuse for a man claiming to be a submissive because I've got some tentative femdom fantasies, thinking I want everything from being fucked with a strap-on to being shit on (gag), but when it comes time to put up or shut up I puss out, never actually going through with anything... just talking via email or phone and diddling myself to the mere idea of pathetically attempting to please a woman I'll never be worthy of. These men deserve nothing less than euthanization. They make it that much harder for real subs and real dommes to find each other and blossom.


Anyways... after a vanilla LTR that turned d/s ended years ago, I had basically given up hope of ever finding anything close to that. What with all the prostitutes claiming to be dommes, and the kids wanting just one night stand scenes and hookups so they can fulfill some weak fantasy and forget about it... it seemed like I'd never find a woman that truly wanted to own me, control me... mentally and physically, inside and out. I'm not someone who has any interest in vanilla relationships. I've had success picking up girls... I'm not hideous, I'm not so socially awkward I can't hold a conversation... I just have no interest in it. So I turned to CL to try to find what I was looking for. For years, I found inadequacy after inadequacy, or found my responses unanswered after being asked what I'm looking for.


Recently, I'd entirely given up hope. Just going through the motions of day to day life. Not really caring, not really trying. There wasn't anyone for me out there, so why care? Why try? I couldn't have been more wrong. I had all but given up browsing websites looking for a domme, but this past week I decided to look at the ads again, more to amuse myself than anything, but of course deep down I hoped... prayed. (Not that I can't get a girl IRL, but I've no interest in vanilla relationships.  It's a waste of time to me, and it's kind of hard to be like, "Hey are you into female domination," and not get slapped before wasting hours getting to know a woman well enough to actually ask her about her sexual desires, only to find out like many others my age she'll claim to want a "nice guy," but what she really wants is to be treated like shit).  Next thing you know, I'm talking to a domme who is everything I could ever look for or want in a female. She's older, and into younger men. She doesn't want some silly NSA encounter, She's so intelligent she's using words I've got to look up and I'm a freakin' writer! Not only is she wild and kinky, but she understands and is the embodiment of femdom going beyond just whips and leather, cuffs and sextoys. She's so deep in my head a brain surgeon couldn't get her out... before even expressing an interest in her I was thinking about her constantly... Now it's like I'm walking on a cloud. I've got purpose again. Someone to serve, someone to make happy, someone to put above myself. I'm so unworthy, but yet so lucky. It's like God looked at me and said, "Oh, stop moping already, it's pathetic. Here bro, check this shit out... BAM, MOTHERFUCKER!  Whatchyoo think of that?" Her influence over me is so pervasive and all encompassing I'm starting to think SHE might be God.


I don't know. All I know is if I can be so blessed (I'm an average guy... meager means/employment [she's no fuckin' whore! but it's nice to be comfortable and I wish I could give her everything she could ever want], average looks, average height, average endowment (not that it'd be any use to her anyways), average body, etc.), then so can you. Keep looking. Keep hoping. If you're a good person, I gotta believe you'll be rewarded. And you should hope you're as good as I apparently am, because this reward... Un fucking touchable.


And I find one of the craziest parts is that we met online.  I mean it has the advantage of cutting to the chase about what you're looking for, but... most cites... are just such cesspools.  So few femdoms.  Millions of msubs.  It's like a match made in heaven.  I really believe it was meant to happen.  It's so rare.  So unique.  She knows me completely and wholly, even if I wanted to I can't get her out of my head.  She knows how I feel before -I- do!  She knows my wildest dreams and fantasies.  She's introduced me to things I've never thought about, but now wind up being some of my HUGEST turn ons.  It's not just sexual either...  I've got a new favorite (maybe not #1 all time, but all time top 10) comedian thanks to her...  she's expanding my tastes in music - I never bothered to listen to french music, but it's lovely!  She's encouraging my writing (case in point, this blog) and I so desperately needed practice after a years-long hiatus...  It's like I've been running around with a blindfold locked onto my head and she has the key and removed it for me.


So not only is it so rare for an msub to find a great femdom who's actually looking for a real d/s relationship... But one so perfectly matched for him?  So intricately connected?  The more I find out the more I love.  We've shared so many similar (yet unique) experiences, separate and at different times.  It's like we've always been together, just separated by a thin veil we had to break through.


Now I know MSubs are a dime a dozen.  We're everywhere.  But like her, I'm real.  I lack her experience and expertise... but I give good oral... I'd like to think I'm at least adequate in bed in general... I've got good stamina and can follow direction fairly well (Wouldn't dare touch myself or cum without permission, wouldn't dare try to take a more controlling role, etc), I'm not looking to be shit on or hideously maimed, etc.  But like her I too was looking for something REAL.  I was looking to REALLY submit.  COMPLETELY surrender control.  Not just for an hour or two while some tramp walks on me and slaps me and then sends me on my way, I want a real connection with someone.  I want to fall in love like anyone else.  I just happen to want to be my love's boytoy... her Bend over Boyfriend.  Her bitch.


I don't think it's too often you find a guy, who, with little d/s relationship experience and at a young age, is willing to commit so fully.  Most have just watched some videos and jerked off thinking they'd like it... But even if watching turns you on you really don't know 'til you're there.  It's all good and fun to fantasize about it until your mistress' ass is on your face backed by ~75ish pounds (since the legs aren't included) of superstar status woman and you wish you could breathe but your lungs, nose, mouth tongue, and jaw ache so good and she's not letting up even as you push back against her with such futility.  I think *most* guys would be in way over their heads.  My Mistress is definitely intimidating.  Not only is she way out of everyone's league in personality, style, grace, poise, looks, intelligence, etc... But she's powerful.  Strict when necessary, but so loving you want her to punish you when you deserve it.  Not because it's a fetish, but because you're REALLY sorry that you disappointed her, and grateful for the training she's given you to the point you'd weather ANY storm.


In the shortest time I've ever experienced I was hooked, caught, gutted, fileted, grilled, and served.  I'm like putty in her hands.  And I'm falling for her...  Never have I had feelings so strong so fast.  It's like love at first sight... which I always thought was bullshit... but then again, what do I know?  Without her, nothing.  And that was a conclusion I came to without her.


I'll give anything to her... Especially my virginity.  (I've had "vanilla intercourse," but I've never been penetrated save for some light fingering).  Now on paper I'm sure that sounds so erotic, hell I've masturbated to the thought before of giving up my virginity... But it's not something to give up lightly, to anyone.  It's something that requires trust.  Dedication.  Honesty.  Love.  It's not something I'd just throw away which is why I still have it.  I'm hers.  Truly.  It's not just a fantasy.  It's not to sound good.  It's fact.  Reality.  I am hers, mind, heart, body, soul.  (Ass? :P).  I want to be her bend over boyfriend.