(No sexual stuff yet in this part, just a setup for what's to come. Based on real experiences with my Mistress. [Though not in the same way movies are "based" on a true story. This is 100% true, but dialogue may not be accurate to a T/exact words. And mundane stuff like doing laundry or cooking etc is left out]).
Driving on 40-55 speed highways for a half hour in order to avoid tolls and dealing with narrow lanes and narrow talent Mass-hole drivers drains my energy, but not determination. Despite such resolve, anxiety, jitters, and anticipation attacks my system full force as I pull onto my Momma's street and stop. Of course there are only resident spots available and not visitor, but I'm too excited to drive around searching - I just HAVE to see her.
Fluttering fingers fumble with my phone's buttons for a few moments, forced to delete and reenter numbers several times until I get frustrated and hold down the 1 button to speed dial her. It's apt... since that's what she is to me, Number One.
"Momma, I'm on your street! I'm parked at the intersection of Mabel and Chief."
"I'll be right there, Babyboy."
She had finally invited me to stay at her home, for a whole weekend no less! Excitement bubbles in my belly, along with the butterflies. In a feeble attempt to quell them, I plant my left foot on the floor of my Hyundai, bouncing my knee so rapidly that if someone sat on my lap they would be as likely to vomit as if riding a rollercoaster on a full stomach. With sweaty hands and shaky palms I smoke a cigarette to calm my nerves; watching, waiting for her to waltz on over. Every time I see an umbrella bob above car roofs down the street, my heart leaps in my chest - only to be repeatedly disappointed. I knew she'd make me wait... I smile and imagine her procrastinating until I called her and told her I was close to start getting ready.
While lighting my second cigarette I wind up dropping my lighter... There she is! Long, dark red hair sways in the wind with every sultry step she takes - walking, as always, with purpose. Those thick, luscious lips curl into one of her equally heart-melting and alluring smiles. Adorned in comfortable clothing, she's as sexy as ever - I'm a firm believer in it's not about what's being worn, but the wearer. A simple black hoodie and jeans - but damn do they show off her full hips and lovely legs.
I pull out of my parking spot both to pick her up so she can show me a safe place to park and to keep her from having to walk all the way over, as much as I'd love to watch. Each movement has a grace and confidence seldom seen in most women - she's always full of fabulousity. When next to her I stop and lean over to push her door open. She sits and I can't help but stare somewhat awkwardly, smiling from ear to ear.
"Come here,"
Looping her finger into the O ring on my collar, she pulls me towards her and our lips lock in a passionate, firm kiss. Her tongue slips in, slides against my own, and swirls around inside my mouth, before parting with a light smacking sound.
"So... whaddya think, Babyboy?"
In a hoarse voice I almost croak, "Perfect as always, Momma!"
After bringing her to a local bakery to pick up a cake (since it was my birthday), we park back on her street and she gives me a small tour of her neighborhood. The whole time I'm thinking, "Come on... come on... wanna go back to your place.. come on. Oh I don't wanna talk to this person... Fuck that monument!" Not that it wasn't a nice neighborhood, and I wasn't interested in JUST sex... but I could not wait to spend quality time with my Mistress... one on one time... after being apart so long. After what seemed like ages we walked back to her place. She opened her door and gave me such a sexy look from over her shoulder, and beckoned me in....
(To be continued)
Breastfeeding
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Strict v. Loving Treatment
First off, readers, I apologize for my absence... Mommy and I were enjoying our "collar-moon" phase... when her family suffered a tremendous loss. She's been grieving/mourning and I've been trying to support her anyway I can and we've both been getting little sleep.
Today, I wanted to share my thoughts about strict dominants compared to loving Dominants... and ask you which you prefer / which you think is better. As a Buddhist I've got to go with "The Middle Path," and say that if a Dominant knows how to utilize both styles successfully, He/She will probably get the most out of both their sub and their relationship. But some go either one way or the other... a lot of the stricter Dom/mes seem to be almost conceited/full of their strictness... like simply being cruel in and of itself somehow makes them "more" dominant than less Draconian Dom/mes. Others are on the opposite end of the spectrum, wanting just to control their sub, not hurt them (outside of play).
For starters... I do not think "funishment" makes a Dom/me necessarily strict, though it can. If it's just in the context of a scene and a sub likes being brutally beaten, then a brutal beating can even be seen as "loving," in my opinion. By strict I mean giving severely difficult - if not impossible - tasks, frequent punishments (typically severe and the kind that aren't enjoyed by the sub), few rewards, ensuring sex is enjoyed only by the Dom/me (fucking hard/brutal). Basically using the sub ENTIRELY for their pleasure and making sure the sub's life is as miserable/unenjoyable as possible. Chances are the Dom/me does not even like the sub as a person but even if He/She does, no care is given towards what he/she is getting out of the relationship.
This works for some people, (some Dom/mes even pride themselves for it) and some subs even want to be used in this way. But personally, it's not for me. And imo, it's offensive when people who enjoy this claim that other Dom/mes and subs who do not partake in this style BDSM are any less dominant or submissive (respectively) than they are because of it. My Mommy is a WONDERFUL Domme and I will do ANYTHING, absolutely ANYTHING for her, no matter how demanding, degrading, grueling, humiliating, disgusting, et cetera. As long as you get your sub to do what you want, you're successfully dominant. The path you took to get there isn't important beyond it simply being an enjoyable path for you and your sub.
On the other hand... there are some Dom/mes who are always loving... they just want to be the one in control / to make the decisions in the relationship. Some of them may not even be into BDSM per say, like not even "funishment,"/sensation play/bondage/spanking/degradation/humiliation, all that good stuff... They just want to be on top during sex. They'll get their subs to do what they want mostly with rewards and deprivation of those rewards. This can be just as effective as beating someone... after cumming everyday for a week and a half and then suddenly being cut off for a week, my balls will be so swollen I'd fuck the hole in a raw, whole chicken to orgasm if it was what my Mommy wanted me to do for her amusement.
Personally... part of why I'm so in love with my Mommy and I'll do ANYTHING for her is because she's got the best of both worlds. She can come up with some horrible, sick, twisted, sadistic punishments - but she uses them on me when I deserve it. She rarely punishes me in ways that I'll really hate just to do it/just for her enjoyment... and when she does she doesn't have to force me. I want to do them because I love her and want her to be happy.
But most of the time she's very loving and sweet... sometimes if you heard certain soundclips of us whispering our sweet nothings to each other you might even think it was a vanilla couple... Well, probably not because there's usually kinky stuff in there, "I love you so much I'd take a gallon of your urine in an enema if it would make you giggle!" but, you know... my point is I do what she wants me to because I WANT to do it because I love her.
She doesn't have to force me into anything, or persuade me with fear... So in a way, I'd say that's even more effective domination than the brutal, militant, corporal punishment types. No offense to those who are into that. It's just not for us... but my Mommy's still as DOMINANT as they come, because DOMINANT doesn't mean cruel... it just means powerful/influential/commanding... and she commands the Hell out of me, better than any "cruel" Dom could. (In fact, if anyone other than my Mommy did some of those things I've heard of the "cruel" Doms doing, I'd walk out on them... but my Mommy controls me so thoroughly, I'd actually withstand insanely horrible treatment for her).
And remember that... you only have power over your sub so long as he/she gives it to you. Unless he/she's bound up, he can always walk out and say, "Fuck this, you're sick, I'm out." I think the true power/control/dominance resides in the ability to make your sub WANT to do what you want them to, not just simply making them do it. Anyone can beat a cattle to the slaughter, or cattleprod them in the direction of the slaughterhouse. It takes a REAL pro to make them WANT to walk there, on their own, unsupervised... and even BEG for it.
Today, I wanted to share my thoughts about strict dominants compared to loving Dominants... and ask you which you prefer / which you think is better. As a Buddhist I've got to go with "The Middle Path," and say that if a Dominant knows how to utilize both styles successfully, He/She will probably get the most out of both their sub and their relationship. But some go either one way or the other... a lot of the stricter Dom/mes seem to be almost conceited/full of their strictness... like simply being cruel in and of itself somehow makes them "more" dominant than less Draconian Dom/mes. Others are on the opposite end of the spectrum, wanting just to control their sub, not hurt them (outside of play).
For starters... I do not think "funishment" makes a Dom/me necessarily strict, though it can. If it's just in the context of a scene and a sub likes being brutally beaten, then a brutal beating can even be seen as "loving," in my opinion. By strict I mean giving severely difficult - if not impossible - tasks, frequent punishments (typically severe and the kind that aren't enjoyed by the sub), few rewards, ensuring sex is enjoyed only by the Dom/me (fucking hard/brutal). Basically using the sub ENTIRELY for their pleasure and making sure the sub's life is as miserable/unenjoyable as possible. Chances are the Dom/me does not even like the sub as a person but even if He/She does, no care is given towards what he/she is getting out of the relationship.
This works for some people, (some Dom/mes even pride themselves for it) and some subs even want to be used in this way. But personally, it's not for me. And imo, it's offensive when people who enjoy this claim that other Dom/mes and subs who do not partake in this style BDSM are any less dominant or submissive (respectively) than they are because of it. My Mommy is a WONDERFUL Domme and I will do ANYTHING, absolutely ANYTHING for her, no matter how demanding, degrading, grueling, humiliating, disgusting, et cetera. As long as you get your sub to do what you want, you're successfully dominant. The path you took to get there isn't important beyond it simply being an enjoyable path for you and your sub.
On the other hand... there are some Dom/mes who are always loving... they just want to be the one in control / to make the decisions in the relationship. Some of them may not even be into BDSM per say, like not even "funishment,"/sensation play/bondage/spanking/degradation/humiliation, all that good stuff... They just want to be on top during sex. They'll get their subs to do what they want mostly with rewards and deprivation of those rewards. This can be just as effective as beating someone... after cumming everyday for a week and a half and then suddenly being cut off for a week, my balls will be so swollen I'd fuck the hole in a raw, whole chicken to orgasm if it was what my Mommy wanted me to do for her amusement.
Personally... part of why I'm so in love with my Mommy and I'll do ANYTHING for her is because she's got the best of both worlds. She can come up with some horrible, sick, twisted, sadistic punishments - but she uses them on me when I deserve it. She rarely punishes me in ways that I'll really hate just to do it/just for her enjoyment... and when she does she doesn't have to force me. I want to do them because I love her and want her to be happy.
But most of the time she's very loving and sweet... sometimes if you heard certain soundclips of us whispering our sweet nothings to each other you might even think it was a vanilla couple... Well, probably not because there's usually kinky stuff in there, "I love you so much I'd take a gallon of your urine in an enema if it would make you giggle!" but, you know... my point is I do what she wants me to because I WANT to do it because I love her.
She doesn't have to force me into anything, or persuade me with fear... So in a way, I'd say that's even more effective domination than the brutal, militant, corporal punishment types. No offense to those who are into that. It's just not for us... but my Mommy's still as DOMINANT as they come, because DOMINANT doesn't mean cruel... it just means powerful/influential/commanding... and she commands the Hell out of me, better than any "cruel" Dom could. (In fact, if anyone other than my Mommy did some of those things I've heard of the "cruel" Doms doing, I'd walk out on them... but my Mommy controls me so thoroughly, I'd actually withstand insanely horrible treatment for her).
And remember that... you only have power over your sub so long as he/she gives it to you. Unless he/she's bound up, he can always walk out and say, "Fuck this, you're sick, I'm out." I think the true power/control/dominance resides in the ability to make your sub WANT to do what you want them to, not just simply making them do it. Anyone can beat a cattle to the slaughter, or cattleprod them in the direction of the slaughterhouse. It takes a REAL pro to make them WANT to walk there, on their own, unsupervised... and even BEG for it.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
My First Collar
It finally happened, my Mommy locked our first collar around my neck! Not only is this a BIG step in our relationship that we're taking together it's the first time she's actually taken that leap putting a collar on a sub, and the first time I've likewise been collared.
It's also the first collar of our relationship. Allow me to clarify: first things first, everyone's different and what one couple might do in their dynamic may not be what another does. Some Dom/mes will only give their slave one collar ever. Others may do them in steps, with two or three collars. For us, this is not the final step in the relationship yet, this collar... in vanilla terms, is sort of like an engagement. I'm still completely devoted to her, and have an accessory on my body symbolizing this - symbolizing our eternal love, but we haven't gotten to the point of having a ceremony and exchanging vows/oaths and drafting up a contract. But we're acknowledging that things are heading in that direction, that (relatively) soon we'll be doing it.
Even though we haven't had the ceremony, drafted contracts, etc... we're still bonded for life. It's not less meaningful, it's showing one another that we're going to do that. That we're taking steps in that direction and wish it could happen now, but there's things in both our lives that are keeping us from being able to completely and fully devote all our attention to one another at the moment, but our hearts and lives are no less linked and locked together like the clasps on the collar. That she still fully encompasses me, my entire life - she's all around me 24/7, much like the collar fully encompasses my neck and remains on 24/7.
My Mommy/Mistress said it best, better than I ever could. "I want you to know that... at the click of that lock our fate is sealed: YOU ARE MINE! I OWN YOU. So when you wrap this collar around your neck think that it signifies our eternal love coming full circle. This is only just the beginning of our eternity together."
Indeed... that's just it, the beginning. It doesn't mean we're any less devoted to each other... but mostly that the timing's not right for the "final" collar, and that we're not at that point in our journey, yet... My training's not yet complete. I've still got a long way to go and a lot of maturing and growing to do as her slave to deserve the final collar. But despite that, she's still committing to me, and I to her, and we're showing the world. And I love that... I love that though she owns me fully and completely (and now... definitely will FOREVER) she likewise gave me her heart and is showing me that she'll keep me around forever, that I'll always be one of her most prized possessions.
It makes me happy beyond words. Even before the collar I felt like I'd serve her forever, but now it's definite. Now I KNOW I'll always be at her feet. It makes me feel so safe... so grateful. I can't explain it. The collar's heavy so I never get "used" to it I can always feel it, it serves as a constant reminder that I'm hers and always will be and I LOVE it. I've cried so many times since getting it, but tears of joy. Really... this is the happiest I've been. Period.
I want to shout it from the rooftops, I want the whole world to know that no matter what happens in this world I'll always be my Mommy's and she'll always have me. No matter what. Neither of us will ever be alone again. Ever.
It's also nice because it shows others involved in the lifestyle my status (as a submissive) and that I am owned. Which I love... I want them to know... I want them to know I've got the best Mommy in the world... I can't wait to get some tags for it. And it's a unique enough collar (with the O ring for a leash, the lock in the back, and the custom design) that to people not actively involved in the lifestyle but familiar with it it's obvious that it's not JUST a fashion choice that it has a function, too... so it tells (most) of them hands off. I have gotten some leers/liplicking but no advances, if any come they've got another fucking thing coming because NO ONE'S going to try to come between my Mommy and I without some scars and bruises.
Now, the unusual thing is, even after getting the eventual final collar... I think someday I'd still like to marry my Mommy, but that's another post for another day. For now, this collar's made me the happiest sub... no... the happiest man on earth and I'll remain that way for quite some time. I can't help playing with it, jiggling the leash-ring, twisting it around my neck... I can't keep from smiling all goofy... it's like I'm falling in love all over again but so much stronger. It's yet another example of how just when I think things couldn't get any better, or that I couldn't possibly love her anymore, she shocks the shit out of me / slaps me silly and I fall even deeper, even harder for her. And the best part is, I've got a whole lifetime... a whole eternity... of this to look forward to because I'll always be my Mommy's/Mistress's/Girlfriend's/Lover's/Queen's/Goddess's/Owner's/Top's/Pitbull's Babyboy/Sub/Bend Over Boyfriend/Lover/Servant/Worshipper/Slave/Bottom/FooFoo Dog and though I didn't know it growing up, I know now... that that's all I've ever wanted and all I'll ever want.
It's also the first collar of our relationship. Allow me to clarify: first things first, everyone's different and what one couple might do in their dynamic may not be what another does. Some Dom/mes will only give their slave one collar ever. Others may do them in steps, with two or three collars. For us, this is not the final step in the relationship yet, this collar... in vanilla terms, is sort of like an engagement. I'm still completely devoted to her, and have an accessory on my body symbolizing this - symbolizing our eternal love, but we haven't gotten to the point of having a ceremony and exchanging vows/oaths and drafting up a contract. But we're acknowledging that things are heading in that direction, that (relatively) soon we'll be doing it.
Even though we haven't had the ceremony, drafted contracts, etc... we're still bonded for life. It's not less meaningful, it's showing one another that we're going to do that. That we're taking steps in that direction and wish it could happen now, but there's things in both our lives that are keeping us from being able to completely and fully devote all our attention to one another at the moment, but our hearts and lives are no less linked and locked together like the clasps on the collar. That she still fully encompasses me, my entire life - she's all around me 24/7, much like the collar fully encompasses my neck and remains on 24/7.
My Mommy/Mistress said it best, better than I ever could. "I want you to know that... at the click of that lock our fate is sealed: YOU ARE MINE! I OWN YOU. So when you wrap this collar around your neck think that it signifies our eternal love coming full circle. This is only just the beginning of our eternity together."
Indeed... that's just it, the beginning. It doesn't mean we're any less devoted to each other... but mostly that the timing's not right for the "final" collar, and that we're not at that point in our journey, yet... My training's not yet complete. I've still got a long way to go and a lot of maturing and growing to do as her slave to deserve the final collar. But despite that, she's still committing to me, and I to her, and we're showing the world. And I love that... I love that though she owns me fully and completely (and now... definitely will FOREVER) she likewise gave me her heart and is showing me that she'll keep me around forever, that I'll always be one of her most prized possessions.
It makes me happy beyond words. Even before the collar I felt like I'd serve her forever, but now it's definite. Now I KNOW I'll always be at her feet. It makes me feel so safe... so grateful. I can't explain it. The collar's heavy so I never get "used" to it I can always feel it, it serves as a constant reminder that I'm hers and always will be and I LOVE it. I've cried so many times since getting it, but tears of joy. Really... this is the happiest I've been. Period.
I want to shout it from the rooftops, I want the whole world to know that no matter what happens in this world I'll always be my Mommy's and she'll always have me. No matter what. Neither of us will ever be alone again. Ever.
It's also nice because it shows others involved in the lifestyle my status (as a submissive) and that I am owned. Which I love... I want them to know... I want them to know I've got the best Mommy in the world... I can't wait to get some tags for it. And it's a unique enough collar (with the O ring for a leash, the lock in the back, and the custom design) that to people not actively involved in the lifestyle but familiar with it it's obvious that it's not JUST a fashion choice that it has a function, too... so it tells (most) of them hands off. I have gotten some leers/liplicking but no advances, if any come they've got another fucking thing coming because NO ONE'S going to try to come between my Mommy and I without some scars and bruises.
Now, the unusual thing is, even after getting the eventual final collar... I think someday I'd still like to marry my Mommy, but that's another post for another day. For now, this collar's made me the happiest sub... no... the happiest man on earth and I'll remain that way for quite some time. I can't help playing with it, jiggling the leash-ring, twisting it around my neck... I can't keep from smiling all goofy... it's like I'm falling in love all over again but so much stronger. It's yet another example of how just when I think things couldn't get any better, or that I couldn't possibly love her anymore, she shocks the shit out of me / slaps me silly and I fall even deeper, even harder for her. And the best part is, I've got a whole lifetime... a whole eternity... of this to look forward to because I'll always be my Mommy's/Mistress's/Girlfriend's/Lover's/Queen's/Goddess's/Owner's/Top's/Pitbull's Babyboy/Sub/Bend Over Boyfriend/Lover/Servant/Worshipper/Slave/Bottom/FooFoo Dog and though I didn't know it growing up, I know now... that that's all I've ever wanted and all I'll ever want.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
AB + Mommy Relationship Clarification
In case there was any confusion, Mommy and I wanted to clarify some things about our relationship as adult baby and Mommy. That is, we are not "strictly" baby and mother.
While she takes care of, nurtures, and is very loving towards me - much like a mother to her baby (including changing my diapers and breastfeeding me which I LOVE it is perhaps one of my favorite parts of our relationship it just makes me love her that much more) that is not the only thing we do. I am not confined to locked diapers (I'm diapered 24/7, but I wouldn't dare try to take them off), the locked mittens, locked pacifier, etc... I'm free to walk around, speak my mind, interact with my environment and my MistressMommy. I dress in whatever my Mommy wants me to, but that doesn't include silly gigantic-sized babyclothes since she doesn't like sissifying me.
So at the end of the day, though I'm my Mommy's babyboy who she loves, nurtures, protects, and watches over... I'm also her lover and she's mine. But she's my Mistress, too - her happiness is tantamount. I'm truly her submissive, her bottom... and how can I actually serve her, please her, tend to her every need and desire if I'm all locked up, sissified, and made to be like an enormous infant?
In those strict AB/Mommy situations, the Mommy's carrying out all the actions so at first glance she seems like the top, but in reality... what's she getting out of it? She's doing all the work (I don't care what anyone says, changing diapers and trying to put a mittened and spreader-diapered adult into a highchair, crib, etc or push him in a stroller is HARD FUCKING WORK), but where's her reward beyond simply doing something humiliating, degrading, and disgusting for BOTH parties? If the sub's not into taking things that far, then it's probably a good punishment but it seems like it kind of punishes the Dom, too...
For example I like to try to do things to make my Mommy's life easier. I like to clean for her, cook, drive her places, carry her up the stairs if she's sore followed up by a nice relaxing massage... I can't do any of these things and she can't receive the benefits if I'm all babified. So I guess, in terms of AB, I'm a toddler not actually a baby... but I don't really "roleplay" as a youngun, either... I mean if she's taking my temp or caring for me sometimes I'll be worried/concerned and she'll comfort me, but I don't talk all silly either.
I guess, what I'm saying... is we're not full gung-ho with the AB thing. We play it a little and take some bits and pieces we like, but leave behind the ones we don't. We're still lovers, Mistress/slave, Top/bottom, Girlfriend/boyfriend, Dom/sub - my place will always be at her feet and until she says otherwise this is how it will be - I wait for her direction. As much as I like being taken care of by my Mommy, I like taking care of her, too. Because she's everything to me, and I want to see that her every need and desire is met, that she wants for nothing, etc. If I could take all the pain, displeasure, and suffering she's ever experienced and bear it myself I'd do it in a heartbeat... that's how much she means and always will mean to me. Everything.
While she takes care of, nurtures, and is very loving towards me - much like a mother to her baby (including changing my diapers and breastfeeding me which I LOVE it is perhaps one of my favorite parts of our relationship it just makes me love her that much more) that is not the only thing we do. I am not confined to locked diapers (I'm diapered 24/7, but I wouldn't dare try to take them off), the locked mittens, locked pacifier, etc... I'm free to walk around, speak my mind, interact with my environment and my MistressMommy. I dress in whatever my Mommy wants me to, but that doesn't include silly gigantic-sized babyclothes since she doesn't like sissifying me.
So at the end of the day, though I'm my Mommy's babyboy who she loves, nurtures, protects, and watches over... I'm also her lover and she's mine. But she's my Mistress, too - her happiness is tantamount. I'm truly her submissive, her bottom... and how can I actually serve her, please her, tend to her every need and desire if I'm all locked up, sissified, and made to be like an enormous infant?
In those strict AB/Mommy situations, the Mommy's carrying out all the actions so at first glance she seems like the top, but in reality... what's she getting out of it? She's doing all the work (I don't care what anyone says, changing diapers and trying to put a mittened and spreader-diapered adult into a highchair, crib, etc or push him in a stroller is HARD FUCKING WORK), but where's her reward beyond simply doing something humiliating, degrading, and disgusting for BOTH parties? If the sub's not into taking things that far, then it's probably a good punishment but it seems like it kind of punishes the Dom, too...
For example I like to try to do things to make my Mommy's life easier. I like to clean for her, cook, drive her places, carry her up the stairs if she's sore followed up by a nice relaxing massage... I can't do any of these things and she can't receive the benefits if I'm all babified. So I guess, in terms of AB, I'm a toddler not actually a baby... but I don't really "roleplay" as a youngun, either... I mean if she's taking my temp or caring for me sometimes I'll be worried/concerned and she'll comfort me, but I don't talk all silly either.
I guess, what I'm saying... is we're not full gung-ho with the AB thing. We play it a little and take some bits and pieces we like, but leave behind the ones we don't. We're still lovers, Mistress/slave, Top/bottom, Girlfriend/boyfriend, Dom/sub - my place will always be at her feet and until she says otherwise this is how it will be - I wait for her direction. As much as I like being taken care of by my Mommy, I like taking care of her, too. Because she's everything to me, and I want to see that her every need and desire is met, that she wants for nothing, etc. If I could take all the pain, displeasure, and suffering she's ever experienced and bear it myself I'd do it in a heartbeat... that's how much she means and always will mean to me. Everything.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Induced Lactation / Goldfarb Protocol
This is going to be a little more of an informative post about how, exactly, my Mommy induced lactation using the Goldfarb Protocol. I am not; however, suggesting you do this (always consult a doctor before making serious changes in your body), but if you're curious about inducing lactation, here's how we did it:
There are a few different routes you can take, depending upon how much time you have until you want to start feeding. If you absolutely can't wait, you can do it in about 2 months. You're basically going to trick your breasts into thinking you got pregnant with birth control pills. If you cannot take standard birth control pills you can use provera instead. You'll also be taking domperidone, first in combination with the bcp's and later just by itself.
So you're going to want to take birth control pills for at least 30 days before you start pumping (you'll want to be off before you start pumping) but the longer the better. If you want to do it as fast as possible:
Start taking birth control 2 months before feeding, and 20 mg of domperidone 4x a day. Do not take the placebos in the bcps just take the real ones.
1 month before feeding, suspend the bcp usage but continue taking 20 mg domperidone 4x daily. Start pumping your breasts with a double electric breast pump. You're going to want to do at least 10 minutes per breast at least 8 times a day, at least one of those being between 1 and 5 am when there's heightened milk production. You'll probably have to work your way up / ease into it - just do what you can handle. But the more frequent you can the better because the more often you pump the more milk your breasts will produce. Think about it like this... a newborn is probably going to want to feed between every 2 to 3 hours... so you're going to want to be able to pump often so you're prepared for that.
If you're doing it for ANR, you and your partner may not want to feed that often, but pump anyways.There's a lot of good information on asklenore.com - I believe it's the website of the person who developed the protocol - including pumping instructions here: http://www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/induced_lactation/pumping_instructions.shtml
If you have more time take the bcps for over 60 days. Stop taking them 6 weeks before feeding - the first week you stop them take 10mg domperidone 4x daily, then increase to 20 mg domperidone 4x daily and stay there for the remainder of the time you're on domperidone. Start pumping 6 weeks before feeding, too.
It doesn't really matter how long you've been pumping for except to train your breast to be able to do more pumps - the frequency is what's going to actually increase your breast pump output. So you don't need to be pumping for 4 months before feeding since after a few weeks of getting used to it, you should be able to pump the recommended 8-12x daily.
When you're pumping (4 weeks before feeding for milk rush, 6 weeks for quantity buildup) you can start taking several different types of herbs to increase production, like fenugreek, mother's milk, and blessed thistle. Also, eating oatmeal everyday will increase your yield, too.
I hope you found this helpful, if you have any questions feel free to ask or check out Ask Lenore. All the information there can be a little intimidating, so this is basically the Goldfarb protocol in a nutshell. Of course you should always consult a physician before starting any medications, including bcp's. Many women can/should NOT take them. But if you can, or if you can take provera, and wish to induce lactation I wish you good luck! I'd love to hear how you did it if you did it a different way, or about your experiences in ANR.
There are a few different routes you can take, depending upon how much time you have until you want to start feeding. If you absolutely can't wait, you can do it in about 2 months. You're basically going to trick your breasts into thinking you got pregnant with birth control pills. If you cannot take standard birth control pills you can use provera instead. You'll also be taking domperidone, first in combination with the bcp's and later just by itself.
So you're going to want to take birth control pills for at least 30 days before you start pumping (you'll want to be off before you start pumping) but the longer the better. If you want to do it as fast as possible:
Start taking birth control 2 months before feeding, and 20 mg of domperidone 4x a day. Do not take the placebos in the bcps just take the real ones.
1 month before feeding, suspend the bcp usage but continue taking 20 mg domperidone 4x daily. Start pumping your breasts with a double electric breast pump. You're going to want to do at least 10 minutes per breast at least 8 times a day, at least one of those being between 1 and 5 am when there's heightened milk production. You'll probably have to work your way up / ease into it - just do what you can handle. But the more frequent you can the better because the more often you pump the more milk your breasts will produce. Think about it like this... a newborn is probably going to want to feed between every 2 to 3 hours... so you're going to want to be able to pump often so you're prepared for that.
If you're doing it for ANR, you and your partner may not want to feed that often, but pump anyways.There's a lot of good information on asklenore.com - I believe it's the website of the person who developed the protocol - including pumping instructions here: http://www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/induced_lactation/pumping_instructions.shtml
If you have more time take the bcps for over 60 days. Stop taking them 6 weeks before feeding - the first week you stop them take 10mg domperidone 4x daily, then increase to 20 mg domperidone 4x daily and stay there for the remainder of the time you're on domperidone. Start pumping 6 weeks before feeding, too.
It doesn't really matter how long you've been pumping for except to train your breast to be able to do more pumps - the frequency is what's going to actually increase your breast pump output. So you don't need to be pumping for 4 months before feeding since after a few weeks of getting used to it, you should be able to pump the recommended 8-12x daily.
When you're pumping (4 weeks before feeding for milk rush, 6 weeks for quantity buildup) you can start taking several different types of herbs to increase production, like fenugreek, mother's milk, and blessed thistle. Also, eating oatmeal everyday will increase your yield, too.
I hope you found this helpful, if you have any questions feel free to ask or check out Ask Lenore. All the information there can be a little intimidating, so this is basically the Goldfarb protocol in a nutshell. Of course you should always consult a physician before starting any medications, including bcp's. Many women can/should NOT take them. But if you can, or if you can take provera, and wish to induce lactation I wish you good luck! I'd love to hear how you did it if you did it a different way, or about your experiences in ANR.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Bleak and Blue
When I'm with Mommy I'll usually wind up black and blue (I can be quite mischievous at times so I'll usually do SOMETHING that will incite an irate reaction out of her at least once a week... plus she likes reddening and purpling my ass even when she's pleased with me) and every color between - some I didn't know even existed in the spectrum, much less on skin - but when she's away I'm bleak and blue.
Being with her's definitely an emotional rollercoaster and while most people say that like it's a bad thing, in this case I think it's a good thing. It's not like she treats me badly or abuses me and then claims to love me so get that notion out your noggin'! It's like... when I'm with her I'm so happy I'm ecstatic, no drug can compare... but then when we're apart I'm going through severe withdrawal starting with a harsh comedown... Yet other time's if I'm going through something difficult or stressful I can just think of her, how much we love each other, and how lucky I am to be with her and it will get me through the day.
If I know what Mommy's doing / where she'll be / at least that she's okay it's not too bad. The worst is when we're apart and I can't reach her on the phone, email, text, etc... if I go a long time without hearing from her my mind starts going into overdrive imagining the most horrific scenarios possible. Like, "Oh my God! A 50 foot asteroid could have crash landed 100 feet away from her and in an effort to be first on the scene she was PANCAKED by a firetruck! Soon I'll be called to identify the scraps that were wiped up with a squeegee, NOOOOOO!" I've a vivid imagination and while I know this is jejune if I don't hear from her (and didn't know she had things to do) I begin to worry and come up with every possible scenario that could be happening (most of them negative) because she'll usually at least pick up and say, "Babyboy I'm busy I'll call you back." At least if I hear that I have some solace.
But even if I know what she's up to and that she's a-ok, I still have a hard time functioning without her. She controls me so completely that if I complete all my tasks, orders, chores, and then everything I could possibly assume she might want me to do, I just shut down and wait / stare at the wall. I used to do leisure activities like watching television, reading, playing computer games... no longer. I just can't concentrate. I'll focus on the activity for 30 seconds or so before my mind drifts back to my Mommy and I've got to rewind, reread, and reload.
It's sort of like I no longer have my own mind, my own free will. I'm not a human controlled by his brain, I'm an ant or worker bee controlled by his Queen / hive mind, and Mommy's my queen / hive mind. When I can't communicate with the hive it goes hectic, and I try as hard as I can to get back to the hive because it's all I want and know. It's my only purpose, to please, protect, and work for the good of the "colony," in this case our d/s relationship / my Mommy's happiness. The best thing I can do in this situation is try to get some sleep - so that I'm alert and active when Mommy comes back around (we often don't get much sleep at night when together, she has a tendency to ride me ragged). It puts my mind at ease, it's not racing driving me nuts thinking about her and pining over her constantly to the point where I can't do anything else if I'm sleeping. Granted I will dream about her, but it's a more peaceful/calming obsession with her than a waking one. Now, if I know where she is I like thinking about her - it makes me happy, often I'll be walking around with a goofy smile plastered on my face.
However if she left pissed off without telling me what's going on, or I just simply don't know where she is / if she's healthy and happy or laid out in a ditch, it's miserable. In this situation no matter how hard I try I can't sleep and I'll often worry myself to the point where I become physically ill. Mind you, this is extremely out of character for me I've never worried about anything half as much as my Mommy's welfare. Perhaps it's unhealthy, but she's got such a firm grip on me and my mind I can't get her out of it no matter how hard I try. If I think she's mad at me / ignoring me and worrying if she's okay it will often move me to tears, which is also very out of character I only used to cry when someone close to me passed and even then just a little / in isolated incidences.
It's like, she's the reason why I do everything. She's the reason I'm writing this blog, she's the reason I'll write poetry, the reason I shower, eat, sleep, drink, piss, shit, brush my teeth and hair, work, etc etc etc so without her it's like I've no reason to live. So when I start thinking, "Oh my God, maybe something happened to her," not only do I not want to see her ever endure any pain again because her happiness is the most important thing to me, but I start thinking what life might be like without her and it horrifies me.
So, even though this is a rollercoaster of emotions... I like it. I like that someone can still make me feel so strongly even after I had given up on love. That she's so powerful... she was like a defibrillator to my heart, she brought the icy rock it had become back to life, back to a warm ooshy gooshy pile of lovins. Even if it's pain or worry or sadness I'm feeling at least I'm FEELING.... prior to her I had become just so fucking numb, never sad but never really happy either. Now I'm experiencing both, albeit in extremes, but I think it will level off in time when I get more used to being without her (it's still a new experience to me we spend so much time together and when we're apart we generally both know what the other's doing / when we'll be home etc).
But yeah... she made me feel things I'd never thought I'd feel, that I never knew existed. She's brought me to heights I'd never dreamed of and lows I never knew I should fear. She's truly the most powerful force in my life and I don't want to ever lose it... a life without her isn't a life at all it's just an existence. It's like watching a romance movie with just one character... a love story of a man and his hand. Lol seriously though I know she's the alpha and omega. I know there can be no other after her and there were none before her. (I had relationships, but now that I see what a relationship with REAL meaning is... those were nothing). She's my world. My life. My everything.
Being with her's definitely an emotional rollercoaster and while most people say that like it's a bad thing, in this case I think it's a good thing. It's not like she treats me badly or abuses me and then claims to love me so get that notion out your noggin'! It's like... when I'm with her I'm so happy I'm ecstatic, no drug can compare... but then when we're apart I'm going through severe withdrawal starting with a harsh comedown... Yet other time's if I'm going through something difficult or stressful I can just think of her, how much we love each other, and how lucky I am to be with her and it will get me through the day.
If I know what Mommy's doing / where she'll be / at least that she's okay it's not too bad. The worst is when we're apart and I can't reach her on the phone, email, text, etc... if I go a long time without hearing from her my mind starts going into overdrive imagining the most horrific scenarios possible. Like, "Oh my God! A 50 foot asteroid could have crash landed 100 feet away from her and in an effort to be first on the scene she was PANCAKED by a firetruck! Soon I'll be called to identify the scraps that were wiped up with a squeegee, NOOOOOO!" I've a vivid imagination and while I know this is jejune if I don't hear from her (and didn't know she had things to do) I begin to worry and come up with every possible scenario that could be happening (most of them negative) because she'll usually at least pick up and say, "Babyboy I'm busy I'll call you back." At least if I hear that I have some solace.
But even if I know what she's up to and that she's a-ok, I still have a hard time functioning without her. She controls me so completely that if I complete all my tasks, orders, chores, and then everything I could possibly assume she might want me to do, I just shut down and wait / stare at the wall. I used to do leisure activities like watching television, reading, playing computer games... no longer. I just can't concentrate. I'll focus on the activity for 30 seconds or so before my mind drifts back to my Mommy and I've got to rewind, reread, and reload.
It's sort of like I no longer have my own mind, my own free will. I'm not a human controlled by his brain, I'm an ant or worker bee controlled by his Queen / hive mind, and Mommy's my queen / hive mind. When I can't communicate with the hive it goes hectic, and I try as hard as I can to get back to the hive because it's all I want and know. It's my only purpose, to please, protect, and work for the good of the "colony," in this case our d/s relationship / my Mommy's happiness. The best thing I can do in this situation is try to get some sleep - so that I'm alert and active when Mommy comes back around (we often don't get much sleep at night when together, she has a tendency to ride me ragged). It puts my mind at ease, it's not racing driving me nuts thinking about her and pining over her constantly to the point where I can't do anything else if I'm sleeping. Granted I will dream about her, but it's a more peaceful/calming obsession with her than a waking one. Now, if I know where she is I like thinking about her - it makes me happy, often I'll be walking around with a goofy smile plastered on my face.
However if she left pissed off without telling me what's going on, or I just simply don't know where she is / if she's healthy and happy or laid out in a ditch, it's miserable. In this situation no matter how hard I try I can't sleep and I'll often worry myself to the point where I become physically ill. Mind you, this is extremely out of character for me I've never worried about anything half as much as my Mommy's welfare. Perhaps it's unhealthy, but she's got such a firm grip on me and my mind I can't get her out of it no matter how hard I try. If I think she's mad at me / ignoring me and worrying if she's okay it will often move me to tears, which is also very out of character I only used to cry when someone close to me passed and even then just a little / in isolated incidences.
It's like, she's the reason why I do everything. She's the reason I'm writing this blog, she's the reason I'll write poetry, the reason I shower, eat, sleep, drink, piss, shit, brush my teeth and hair, work, etc etc etc so without her it's like I've no reason to live. So when I start thinking, "Oh my God, maybe something happened to her," not only do I not want to see her ever endure any pain again because her happiness is the most important thing to me, but I start thinking what life might be like without her and it horrifies me.
So, even though this is a rollercoaster of emotions... I like it. I like that someone can still make me feel so strongly even after I had given up on love. That she's so powerful... she was like a defibrillator to my heart, she brought the icy rock it had become back to life, back to a warm ooshy gooshy pile of lovins. Even if it's pain or worry or sadness I'm feeling at least I'm FEELING.... prior to her I had become just so fucking numb, never sad but never really happy either. Now I'm experiencing both, albeit in extremes, but I think it will level off in time when I get more used to being without her (it's still a new experience to me we spend so much time together and when we're apart we generally both know what the other's doing / when we'll be home etc).
But yeah... she made me feel things I'd never thought I'd feel, that I never knew existed. She's brought me to heights I'd never dreamed of and lows I never knew I should fear. She's truly the most powerful force in my life and I don't want to ever lose it... a life without her isn't a life at all it's just an existence. It's like watching a romance movie with just one character... a love story of a man and his hand. Lol seriously though I know she's the alpha and omega. I know there can be no other after her and there were none before her. (I had relationships, but now that I see what a relationship with REAL meaning is... those were nothing). She's my world. My life. My everything.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
I Love Listening When She Speaks
While I don't necessarily know how I feel about "love at first sight" (I believe real, genuine, strong, lasting love takes time to build though you can start to fall for someone quite quickly as I did with my Mommy) I was hooked after our very first conversation. Now that I love her, her voice controls me, but even the first time I heard it I was enraptured... captured, even.
Her tone can send warmth through my body like a heated hospital blanket or strike fear in my heart like the fiercest of storms. Even when she just sounds mad, but is actually joking, my whole mood changes. Or, when she's yelling at her puppies, I get submissive and whimper just as much as they do! When telling a story or going on long rants/monologues I can wind up almost hypnotized and wind up having to say, "What?" 'cause I wound up drifting off into a daydream about how wonderful she is and how much I love her while she was talking. Sometimes she'll take offense to it or if we're on the phone think I was falling asleep so I try to keep it from happening, but she just has so much power over me.
Speaking of on the phone, when we're apart she can control me almost 100% just as well as she can in real life. Of course she's not able to give me a smack or whip me or anything, but just the fear of hearing that tinge of anger in her voice is enough to keep me in line. "Do it, NOW," gets me moving just as quick as a smack to my ass or a slap to my face and though of course I could just pretend to do something on the phone, she commands so much respect, admiration, love, and fear that I'd never dare do that.
And if she starts talking dirty to me whether it's on the phone or in person? Forget it. I'm hornier than anyone, standing right at attention. She's a way with words like no one else which will sometimes get me laughing because she's damn funny, but she knows how to push my buttons too and she'll often have me begging to come just with that audible chocolate voice of hers. "Like music to my ears" is an understatement. I don't even listen to music anymore, I just want to listen to my Mommy.
And when she's loving and comforting... oh God. There's no happier man on her... how sweet her voice is, how sensual, how caring... I could be enraged after being cut off and forced into a guardrail by some jackass who just leaves the scene and her voice'll hit me and my icy revenge-seeking heart will just instantly melt and I'll get all calm and peaceful. As a Buddhist I used to meditate a lot... I find myself doing it less and less, her voice brings me as much inner peace as any number of hours of deep meditation... and she can send me into deeper and calmer meditative states / subspace just with her voice (she's done it on the phone... it's shocking. We'll be talking and if she starts getting all dominant and commanding, next thing you know I'm babbling nonsense and seeing myself riding through picturesque valleys on golden horses with her. Or, you know... comparable stuff).
It's to the point where I can hardly fall asleep without her, but with her by my side or whispering to me sweetly on the phone I'll be out in seconds. She's better than any hypnotist. Lightly lilting about how much she loves me and cares about me and how she'll always be there for me and keep me safe and protect me... and forget it. Or if I'm being stubborn a demanding, "Go the FUCK to sleep!" does the trick, too. She's got so much control over me and so much command over my senses, but she doesn't need to resort to just pain or just visuals... her voice alone is enough to have me licking her feet, cleaning her toilet, building a log cabin in the woods... whatever she wants... It's just... I don't know, magic. I've never seen... or well, heard... anything quite like it. Just one more reason why I'm so in love and can't imagine my life without her... she's the best.
Her tone can send warmth through my body like a heated hospital blanket or strike fear in my heart like the fiercest of storms. Even when she just sounds mad, but is actually joking, my whole mood changes. Or, when she's yelling at her puppies, I get submissive and whimper just as much as they do! When telling a story or going on long rants/monologues I can wind up almost hypnotized and wind up having to say, "What?" 'cause I wound up drifting off into a daydream about how wonderful she is and how much I love her while she was talking. Sometimes she'll take offense to it or if we're on the phone think I was falling asleep so I try to keep it from happening, but she just has so much power over me.
Speaking of on the phone, when we're apart she can control me almost 100% just as well as she can in real life. Of course she's not able to give me a smack or whip me or anything, but just the fear of hearing that tinge of anger in her voice is enough to keep me in line. "Do it, NOW," gets me moving just as quick as a smack to my ass or a slap to my face and though of course I could just pretend to do something on the phone, she commands so much respect, admiration, love, and fear that I'd never dare do that.
And if she starts talking dirty to me whether it's on the phone or in person? Forget it. I'm hornier than anyone, standing right at attention. She's a way with words like no one else which will sometimes get me laughing because she's damn funny, but she knows how to push my buttons too and she'll often have me begging to come just with that audible chocolate voice of hers. "Like music to my ears" is an understatement. I don't even listen to music anymore, I just want to listen to my Mommy.
And when she's loving and comforting... oh God. There's no happier man on her... how sweet her voice is, how sensual, how caring... I could be enraged after being cut off and forced into a guardrail by some jackass who just leaves the scene and her voice'll hit me and my icy revenge-seeking heart will just instantly melt and I'll get all calm and peaceful. As a Buddhist I used to meditate a lot... I find myself doing it less and less, her voice brings me as much inner peace as any number of hours of deep meditation... and she can send me into deeper and calmer meditative states / subspace just with her voice (she's done it on the phone... it's shocking. We'll be talking and if she starts getting all dominant and commanding, next thing you know I'm babbling nonsense and seeing myself riding through picturesque valleys on golden horses with her. Or, you know... comparable stuff).
It's to the point where I can hardly fall asleep without her, but with her by my side or whispering to me sweetly on the phone I'll be out in seconds. She's better than any hypnotist. Lightly lilting about how much she loves me and cares about me and how she'll always be there for me and keep me safe and protect me... and forget it. Or if I'm being stubborn a demanding, "Go the FUCK to sleep!" does the trick, too. She's got so much control over me and so much command over my senses, but she doesn't need to resort to just pain or just visuals... her voice alone is enough to have me licking her feet, cleaning her toilet, building a log cabin in the woods... whatever she wants... It's just... I don't know, magic. I've never seen... or well, heard... anything quite like it. Just one more reason why I'm so in love and can't imagine my life without her... she's the best.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Medical Play
Medical play is perhaps the newest aspect of our relationship we're exploring. It's fun, we enjoy it because I like giving up control and letting her do whatever she wants with my body, and she likes exploring, controlling, owning, and doing whatever she wants to with me. It doesn't always have to be in a "doctor/patient" "nurse/patient" context, either... since she's my Mommy and I'm her Babyboy there's a very loving aspect to the medical play as well, instead of the weird detached feeling/anticipation you might get with a doctor.
Now, like many of the other things, this initially hadn't been a fetish of mine (and I don't think it was with hers). I suppose our interest started with the enemas which were introduced as a means to clean me out, but quickly became enjoyable in and of itself. From here Mommy became curious in thermometers, taking my temperature one day when I felt hot. I also had some interest in wartenburg wheels, and one day at the E.R. I saw an open box of speculums in my room and stole one. There's all kinds of interesting and sometimes frightening medical devices online.
You really don't need those, though. It's nice to just simply be cared for and nurtured when sick, or have your temperature taken when hot... or even just for fun. Who doesn't love a good anal thermometer? I know Mommy loves it. "Oooh, you feel hot! Do you have a fever?" "No... but I wanna be damn sure, Mommy, please check!" :-P. It's nice to feel cared about and nurtured, and my Mommy's a very caring, nurturing person... she's a natural.
It ties in nicely with our Mommy/Baby play and the anal play... thinking I feel hot when fingering me, so she'll check my temperature with a rectal thermometer, decide she doesn't like the result and go in for a closer look with a speculum... and eventually prescribe an enema followed by some hot and hard lovin'. Fixes me right up every time. We generally stay away from the extreme stuff like urethral sounding rods... but I've been curious about Mommy making me get certain things pierced... an interesting idea would be to have her personally pierce me. Who better? As long as we stay away from things like tongue/penis that have veins and should really only be done by experienced professionals...
I trust her with my whole body and with the medical play... it's like I'm handing my body over to her... putting my care in her hands. To be poked, prodded, examined, and if necessary fixed up. It takes the "patient doctor" relationship to a whole new level... an intimate one, and takes our relationship to a new level of bonding. She knows me inside and out. She takes care of me inside and out, emotionally and physically... and I love her so much for it.
Part of why I like it so much is because she's no idiot. Before we got into the medical play she actually helped my health improve quite a bit, suggesting different medications and treatments for problems that I was having (I had searched high and low for fixes and NOTHING worked) and lo and behold they actually worked when everything else had failed including a real doctor's suggestion. Mommy knows what's best... she really does, so I love putting myself, including my health, in her hands. While doctors have years of medschool and tons of knowledge on the human body, Mommy has tons of knowledge on MY body and in the end... if I have a SERIOUS problem we'll obviously consult a doctor... but I'd want her to decide the best course of action.
For everything else, I get treated by Mommy. There's not many problems that can't be solved by even just a little bit of Mommy's love... save for you know, like cancer and HIV, but I don't have to worry about either of those, so... I'll be seeing Dr. Mom from now on :D.
Now, like many of the other things, this initially hadn't been a fetish of mine (and I don't think it was with hers). I suppose our interest started with the enemas which were introduced as a means to clean me out, but quickly became enjoyable in and of itself. From here Mommy became curious in thermometers, taking my temperature one day when I felt hot. I also had some interest in wartenburg wheels, and one day at the E.R. I saw an open box of speculums in my room and stole one. There's all kinds of interesting and sometimes frightening medical devices online.
You really don't need those, though. It's nice to just simply be cared for and nurtured when sick, or have your temperature taken when hot... or even just for fun. Who doesn't love a good anal thermometer? I know Mommy loves it. "Oooh, you feel hot! Do you have a fever?" "No... but I wanna be damn sure, Mommy, please check!" :-P. It's nice to feel cared about and nurtured, and my Mommy's a very caring, nurturing person... she's a natural.
It ties in nicely with our Mommy/Baby play and the anal play... thinking I feel hot when fingering me, so she'll check my temperature with a rectal thermometer, decide she doesn't like the result and go in for a closer look with a speculum... and eventually prescribe an enema followed by some hot and hard lovin'. Fixes me right up every time. We generally stay away from the extreme stuff like urethral sounding rods... but I've been curious about Mommy making me get certain things pierced... an interesting idea would be to have her personally pierce me. Who better? As long as we stay away from things like tongue/penis that have veins and should really only be done by experienced professionals...
I trust her with my whole body and with the medical play... it's like I'm handing my body over to her... putting my care in her hands. To be poked, prodded, examined, and if necessary fixed up. It takes the "patient doctor" relationship to a whole new level... an intimate one, and takes our relationship to a new level of bonding. She knows me inside and out. She takes care of me inside and out, emotionally and physically... and I love her so much for it.
Part of why I like it so much is because she's no idiot. Before we got into the medical play she actually helped my health improve quite a bit, suggesting different medications and treatments for problems that I was having (I had searched high and low for fixes and NOTHING worked) and lo and behold they actually worked when everything else had failed including a real doctor's suggestion. Mommy knows what's best... she really does, so I love putting myself, including my health, in her hands. While doctors have years of medschool and tons of knowledge on the human body, Mommy has tons of knowledge on MY body and in the end... if I have a SERIOUS problem we'll obviously consult a doctor... but I'd want her to decide the best course of action.
For everything else, I get treated by Mommy. There's not many problems that can't be solved by even just a little bit of Mommy's love... save for you know, like cancer and HIV, but I don't have to worry about either of those, so... I'll be seeing Dr. Mom from now on :D.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Mommy/Baby Roleplay
Within our Female-led D/s relationship over time we have developed specific roles. At first they were just simply Mistress/dominant and pet, slave / submissive. Recently our roles have become more lucidly / specifically defined as Mommy and babyboy. Almost all of our intercourse, bdsm activities, and even interactions in everyday life are practiced within the confines of these roles. Now, that's not to say they're confining... personally I find them quite liberating. It wasn't something that was planned, but rather just developed as we started exploring more kinks and activities together.
One of the main seeds that grew into our eventual Mommy/Baby relationship was planted inadvertently by me during sex. It was definitely something I said... but I hadn't really meant it to be taken literally or for really anything to come of it... it was just one of those things you say during the heat of passion intended to be sweet/loving. I don't even remember when specifically I said it (it wasn't something I had taken much stock in or thought was of much importance at the time) though I do remember saying it... I believe it was while I was getting fucked (Mommy knows, I'll ask her later and update). Anyways, I said something along the lines of, "Screw kids, I'll be your baby."
I was referencing, mainly, how neither of us have much desire to have kids. We had discussed it prior to making love and it's a pretty heavy topic and can be kind of a downer to, as an adult, acknowledge that perhaps your adolescent/childhood ideal of living in suburbia with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids perhaps isn't all that realistic with your current lifestyle choices (being in a 24/7 D/s relationship, being drawn to the city life, falling in love with someone either older or younger than you). So it had been on my mind even during sex, so I said it to sort of... I don't know, be sweet/loving and put a positive spin on it. I never imagined that soon I'd be her babyboy.
She had already been planning to put me in diapers, and we were well on our way to becoming an adult nursing/adult breastfed couple, so that kind of influenced it, too. The diapers, like my comment, wasn't initially thought of as a way to make me a baby... but the first mention was just a joke. Like a way to embarass me in public.
One of the main seeds that grew into our eventual Mommy/Baby relationship was planted inadvertently by me during sex. It was definitely something I said... but I hadn't really meant it to be taken literally or for really anything to come of it... it was just one of those things you say during the heat of passion intended to be sweet/loving. I don't even remember when specifically I said it (it wasn't something I had taken much stock in or thought was of much importance at the time) though I do remember saying it... I believe it was while I was getting fucked (Mommy knows, I'll ask her later and update). Anyways, I said something along the lines of, "Screw kids, I'll be your baby."
I was referencing, mainly, how neither of us have much desire to have kids. We had discussed it prior to making love and it's a pretty heavy topic and can be kind of a downer to, as an adult, acknowledge that perhaps your adolescent/childhood ideal of living in suburbia with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids perhaps isn't all that realistic with your current lifestyle choices (being in a 24/7 D/s relationship, being drawn to the city life, falling in love with someone either older or younger than you). So it had been on my mind even during sex, so I said it to sort of... I don't know, be sweet/loving and put a positive spin on it. I never imagined that soon I'd be her babyboy.
She had already been planning to put me in diapers, and we were well on our way to becoming an adult nursing/adult breastfed couple, so that kind of influenced it, too. The diapers, like my comment, wasn't initially thought of as a way to make me a baby... but the first mention was just a joke. Like a way to embarass me in public.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Adult Nursing / Adult Breastfeeding Relationship
Adult Nursing / Adult Breastfeeding is an immensely cherished and integral part of our relationship. We often practice it as part of the Mommy / Babybey scenario, but we were in an Adult Nursing relationship before the Mommy / Babyboy play began and Adult Nursing can be done just on its own if desired, without the Mommy Babyboy mentioned at all. I never want to go a single day without my Mommy's milk for the sexuality/fetishism of it; its also got a very emotionally bonding aspect to it, and even health benefits!
Drinking Mommy's milk brings me much sexual satisfaction and gratification. Even without warm, sweet (it does taste rather pleasant) milk flowing from Mommy's nipples... I love sucking them. I worship all parts of her body, breasts included and thoroughly enjoyed at that. Mmm, her nipples are the perfect size, not small but not clownishly big either so perfect for latching onto and sucking... But they're also fun to nibble, flitter flatter with your tongue, kiss, squeeze between your lips, pinch, rub, tweak... ugh I could do it all day.
But sucking those lovely little nubs has a bonding effect to it, too. I feel so close to my Mommy when I'm suckling her teat because I'm giving her gentle pleasure and I'm enjoying it too and we're physically close usually cuddling, it's just great. Then, oh my God, when milk comes out? Its akin to that connection you feel during sex, especially with timed orgasms and love thrown into the mix. A part of her... something she did and made specifically to me, I'm taking inside myself and am being nurtured by it.
Breast milk is also a great beverage to imbibe for health... it is even prescribed as medicine sometimes especially in cancer and aids patients. I had always been curious about trying it as a "fetish," but had basically given up on ever finding a woman willing to participate. But when my Mommy mentioned it, the medical benefits were one of the things that made me want it most... since I have had various stomach problems since childhood. Once my Mommy started getting a good amount, the majority of my problems cleared up (I very rarely get heartburn or any of the other problems I was having).
Each main reason feeds into the others and makes them grow stronger/appreciate it that much more. For example when I'm emotionally satisfied and strongly bonded to my Mommy it enhances our sex life and my health. When I'm healthy I can perform better in bed and am in a better mood, emotionally. When I perform well in bed I'm happier emotionally and generally feel better physically. It's a loving, wonderful cycle that breastmilk creates.
I also get extra happiness knowing that it's good for her, too. Suckling her provides her with physical relief - once the breasts get going with the milk production you can't just stop, you've got to pump / feed regularly otherwise the breasts will get sore... so it's pleasurable and relieving for me to drink from her. She also gets a similar strengthened emotional bond... it takes a lot of work, energy, and dedication to produce the milk and she's doing it for me (and for herself, too, but I benefit from it) and the reward is great... we both feel so much closer to one another physically and spiritually. Then she gets medical benefits from it, too... since to produce the best milk she possibly can she keeps a healthy diet, sleep, and exercise regimen/schedule because the healthier she is the better her milk will be. She doesn't have to be a Spartan or Olympic athlete, but it at least is a motivating/driving factor in reaching long term health goals and maintaining a normal/healthy weight.
I love her milk, I always will... and I love her so much for making it for me. When I drink it, it fills my belly, mouth, throat, and chest with this warm glow... but thinking about it, how much it means to me, and how much she's doing for me fills my heart with the same warm glow. She's just so loving and caring I can't help but break down and cry, sometimes. Sometimes a tear or two even beads up while nursing. It's just such a tender, touching, moving, and loving experience and I highly recommend everyone try breastfeeding with their partner if possible.
Each main reason feeds into the others and makes them grow stronger/appreciate it that much more. For example when I'm emotionally satisfied and strongly bonded to my Mommy it enhances our sex life and my health. When I'm healthy I can perform better in bed and am in a better mood, emotionally. When I perform well in bed I'm happier emotionally and generally feel better physically. It's a loving, wonderful cycle that breastmilk creates.
I also get extra happiness knowing that it's good for her, too. Suckling her provides her with physical relief - once the breasts get going with the milk production you can't just stop, you've got to pump / feed regularly otherwise the breasts will get sore... so it's pleasurable and relieving for me to drink from her. She also gets a similar strengthened emotional bond... it takes a lot of work, energy, and dedication to produce the milk and she's doing it for me (and for herself, too, but I benefit from it) and the reward is great... we both feel so much closer to one another physically and spiritually. Then she gets medical benefits from it, too... since to produce the best milk she possibly can she keeps a healthy diet, sleep, and exercise regimen/schedule because the healthier she is the better her milk will be. She doesn't have to be a Spartan or Olympic athlete, but it at least is a motivating/driving factor in reaching long term health goals and maintaining a normal/healthy weight.
I love her milk, I always will... and I love her so much for making it for me. When I drink it, it fills my belly, mouth, throat, and chest with this warm glow... but thinking about it, how much it means to me, and how much she's doing for me fills my heart with the same warm glow. She's just so loving and caring I can't help but break down and cry, sometimes. Sometimes a tear or two even beads up while nursing. It's just such a tender, touching, moving, and loving experience and I highly recommend everyone try breastfeeding with their partner if possible.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Female-Led Relationship / Mistress + Slave/Pet
The overarching style of our relationship... what we as a couple, are, first and foremost is a Female-led relationship. She is my Mistress, I am her pet. She tells me to jump and I do, then take it one step further and levitate in the air until she tells me to land. I'm at her beck and call... I wait on her hand and foot. If she wants something, she gets it and I give it to her. Not just sexually... she wears the pants in every aspect of our relationship. To outsiders I appear to be the epitome of "pussy-whipped," which I am... but that's not what we are (a tame/vanilla female-led relationship) we are definitely Mistress and Slave.
Sexually, she's the top... she directs what our play will entail, where we will do it, when we will do it (which is usually "often"), how long it will last, and when/where/how/if I get to come. She almost always has the more active/assertive role (like, she's the giver/pitcher and I'm the receiver/catcher) and if she doesn't (like I'm giving her oral) she controls/directs/commands/demands my actions. Which is great... I've got no complaints... she's an excellent director. It's never boring / stale... there's usually lots of variety and she throws things at me I've never thought of/heard of/seen before, but even the activities we always do or at least do often (like pegging) aren't boring. Even the more vanilla activities like kissing and cuddling is exciting (this is big for someone who wants to an hero in vanilla relationships)... but she has a tendency to make those kinky, adding in pinches, bites (not just little nibbles), grabs/pulls/twists, and the like. Yeah... our sex life is always entertaining and I have a feeling will be 'til the day I die.
But we're more than just a bedroom BDSM couple / weekend warriors... Everything I do is because she told me to do it or if I've finished my tasks, as a way to surprise her with something she will love. For instance, I take care of housework, the pets, errands, etc. Which also leaves little time for full-time employment... while she works I take care of like... "house-wife" type stuff... but I also am self employed as a computer-repair technician. It's not really an "official" business - I don't have a storefront or anything... which allows her to set the hours I work and if I accept customers or not. Plus all revenue is profit so I don't have to work grueling hours to make some decent extra-income.
As such... all major household/financial decisions are made by her. If this were the 1950's, she'd have to dress as a man and be considered the "husband" and I'd have to dress as a woman. That is, essentially, how our relationship works. I obey/serve her completely. Now, that's not to say she doesn't take me or my wants/needs into account at all. She cares about me deeply and this is also a loving relationship... not just harsh Mistress/Slave like a slave back in the day... She takes into consideration what I want though she rarely asks she always knows. If she does ask, it is of course with the fact in mind that she obviously has the final say / ultimately the decision is hers. A petty, passing whim that she wants now but tomorrow may not is more important than something I desperately need, in my opinion, if it makes her happy. It's just what works for us.
Sexually, she's the top... she directs what our play will entail, where we will do it, when we will do it (which is usually "often"), how long it will last, and when/where/how/if I get to come. She almost always has the more active/assertive role (like, she's the giver/pitcher and I'm the receiver/catcher) and if she doesn't (like I'm giving her oral) she controls/directs/commands/demands my actions. Which is great... I've got no complaints... she's an excellent director. It's never boring / stale... there's usually lots of variety and she throws things at me I've never thought of/heard of/seen before, but even the activities we always do or at least do often (like pegging) aren't boring. Even the more vanilla activities like kissing and cuddling is exciting (this is big for someone who wants to an hero in vanilla relationships)... but she has a tendency to make those kinky, adding in pinches, bites (not just little nibbles), grabs/pulls/twists, and the like. Yeah... our sex life is always entertaining and I have a feeling will be 'til the day I die.
But we're more than just a bedroom BDSM couple / weekend warriors... Everything I do is because she told me to do it or if I've finished my tasks, as a way to surprise her with something she will love. For instance, I take care of housework, the pets, errands, etc. Which also leaves little time for full-time employment... while she works I take care of like... "house-wife" type stuff... but I also am self employed as a computer-repair technician. It's not really an "official" business - I don't have a storefront or anything... which allows her to set the hours I work and if I accept customers or not. Plus all revenue is profit so I don't have to work grueling hours to make some decent extra-income.
As such... all major household/financial decisions are made by her. If this were the 1950's, she'd have to dress as a man and be considered the "husband" and I'd have to dress as a woman. That is, essentially, how our relationship works. I obey/serve her completely. Now, that's not to say she doesn't take me or my wants/needs into account at all. She cares about me deeply and this is also a loving relationship... not just harsh Mistress/Slave like a slave back in the day... She takes into consideration what I want though she rarely asks she always knows. If she does ask, it is of course with the fact in mind that she obviously has the final say / ultimately the decision is hers. A petty, passing whim that she wants now but tomorrow may not is more important than something I desperately need, in my opinion, if it makes her happy. It's just what works for us.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Our Style of D/S Relationship
One of the things I love most about my Mistress (I'll be referring to her as, "Mommy," for the foreseeable future) is her ability to change and alter me... completely transform me. At first it started out with little, seemingly random changes here and there and I was simply her boyfriend and pet. Then, overtime, she started creating a whole tangible image... Turning me into something... other than just a boyfriend in a female-led relationship. Of course... first and foremost we are in a female-led relationship and it will always be that way, that will never change. But the dynamic within it has changed a bit.
Like I said at first it was just Mistress and pet... but over time, changes started happening, our relationship started evolving... and now we're Mommy and babyboy. It's not something we planned, it just kind of happened as small changes here and there fell into place... but it kind of works since I'm quite a bit younger than her. At first I found it kind of strange (not in a bad way), since, for all intents and purposes... to me it was strange. I didn't even know a Mommy/baby relationship was really a "thing." I'd seen guys in diapers, but I'd always sort of laughed at that. I had really never considered it.
But now that we're full-swing into it... I'm loving it... I love the caring/nurturing treatment I receive (of course I'm still disciplined when I misbehave... like being spanked or sent to "time out" lol), I love the feeling of security... the love... how the relationship already sort of made me feel like a kid again in that when I'm with her I haven't a care or a worry in the world and she takes care of, protects, and guides me much like a mother would. It's... idk... nice. Maybe it's 'cause I'm young, maybe I'm not much of a "man," but I've still got fond/nostalgic memories from childhood and not having any responsibilities and worries... mommy and daddy would take care of everything... It's sort of like I feel that way again. Maybe it works so well since she's a mature woman and I'm a young man... idk... but it works for us and it feels great.
So... in addition to being a female-led relationship, and then within that dynamic being a relationship between Mommy and babyboy, there are also several other relationship dynamics we employ. I will use this post as sort of a central hub, linking to each type of relationship we are, and going into further detail in later posts about these sub-categories... going into detail how I feel about them and how they play into our relationship and create the whole image/picture of our D/s relationship.
Female-led Relationship / Mistress + slave/pet
Mommy + Baby Relationship
Adult Nursing / Adult Breastfed Relationship
Medical play (can kind of fall under mommy/baby since mommies care for their children's health, but I figured I'd do a separate part about it)
Like I said at first it was just Mistress and pet... but over time, changes started happening, our relationship started evolving... and now we're Mommy and babyboy. It's not something we planned, it just kind of happened as small changes here and there fell into place... but it kind of works since I'm quite a bit younger than her. At first I found it kind of strange (not in a bad way), since, for all intents and purposes... to me it was strange. I didn't even know a Mommy/baby relationship was really a "thing." I'd seen guys in diapers, but I'd always sort of laughed at that. I had really never considered it.
But now that we're full-swing into it... I'm loving it... I love the caring/nurturing treatment I receive (of course I'm still disciplined when I misbehave... like being spanked or sent to "time out" lol), I love the feeling of security... the love... how the relationship already sort of made me feel like a kid again in that when I'm with her I haven't a care or a worry in the world and she takes care of, protects, and guides me much like a mother would. It's... idk... nice. Maybe it's 'cause I'm young, maybe I'm not much of a "man," but I've still got fond/nostalgic memories from childhood and not having any responsibilities and worries... mommy and daddy would take care of everything... It's sort of like I feel that way again. Maybe it works so well since she's a mature woman and I'm a young man... idk... but it works for us and it feels great.
So... in addition to being a female-led relationship, and then within that dynamic being a relationship between Mommy and babyboy, there are also several other relationship dynamics we employ. I will use this post as sort of a central hub, linking to each type of relationship we are, and going into further detail in later posts about these sub-categories... going into detail how I feel about them and how they play into our relationship and create the whole image/picture of our D/s relationship.
Female-led Relationship / Mistress + slave/pet
Mommy + Baby Relationship
Adult Nursing / Adult Breastfed Relationship
Medical play (can kind of fall under mommy/baby since mommies care for their children's health, but I figured I'd do a separate part about it)
Sunday, July 29, 2012
The Opening Night (Part 3)
If you haven't read: Part 1, Part 2
Mistress and I make out and toy with each other - she runs her hands through my hair and tugs it much harder than during the enema; her bites, pinches, face-slaps, and ass-spanks are all more forceful as well - up until I almost forget about what is to come next, or at least the nervousness starts fading. As soon as she sees me relax in comfort like it is any other day, she wrestles and pins me against the bed on my belly; my ass hangs over the side's edge. I submit rather quickly - I go limp and she positions me exactly how she pleases, my arms and legs both spread towards the bed's head and base. I am convinced I'll be in this position for a mini-eternity and breathe deep, trying to get at least a little comfy all over again.
"Stay! I mean it, bitch-boy, don't you dare move a fucking muscle."
"Yes, Mistress!"
I bark back and remain frozen like a child playing tag. After waiting so long each minute seems like hours and I want her more than I've ever wanted anything... I want to give myself to her and be hers forever. I can hear her doing something, getting things ready and the curiosity kills me. She is back behind me diagonally (my right arm and leg are spread towards the headboard which is up against the wall. She's at a table to the bed's right also along the wall) and for a second time this night I am looking over my shoulder back at her, trying to spy her plans and preparations. As soon as I get the slightest glance of her now-harnessed body, her whole arm abruptly lashes out and her wrist cracks a paddle across my ass with lightning speed sending stinging shockwaves down my legs and up my spine and the slapping sound echoes throughout the room. I face forward with my jaw dropped making breathy, quiet, "Ow-oh-owwwwww," noises while she crosses to me. I am flabbergasted, I see her for only a second in which she's not facing me at all, it was like she had...
"No, I don't have eyes in the back of my head, baby boy. But I own you, your body and your thoughts. Now you've been a bad boy," she spanked me again to accentuate her point, "So I'm going to ensure you don't go anywhere. I don't need you getting any second thoughts or anything, thinking you'll back out!"
"Nono, Mama, I wouldn't dare..." Truth be told I am getting a little nervous - sweaty palms and hoarse throat betraying my pretended confidence. Not that I don't want it, since brought up it had been on my mind constantly. I can remember the first mention of it (when she said she was into it I asked, "Y-you want to play with my ass," incredulously. "Yeah, this is what I do. Come on boychik what do you think this is?" That had made me blush hard as I ever had and with what I thought was a casual demeanor, but was actually an awkward ass croaking, "Nono... I'm cool with it... That's cool I just only... I like... Uh..." A slap to the face helped me along, "Haven't had anything up there but a finger or two." She cocked an eyebrow, "Nothing? No toys, no dicks, no - " I nodded and chimed in, "-thing. I'm a virgin"), but since then it became a fantasy for both of us, something we were longing and waiting for... I want it so bad, I just know that once it happens things will be completely different and there's no going back.
My feeble protest made no difference in her action, she secured me in place, tying my left arm and leg to the baseboard and my right arm and leg to the headboard. She then tied the blindfold back 'round my head and finished me off with a pair of worn panties (that I noticed she'd been wearing for 3 days, had she been planning this?) shoved deep in my mouth and held in with duct tape as a yummy make-shift gag.
"Can't have you screaming bloody murder, making neighbors call cops, can we?" She starts spanking me with much more strength and for much longer. In record time she had my ass a deep, sore red and if I tried to push forwards against my restraints to tuck my tush in, she'd tug on my balls until I was back out perfectly perked for her. She stops spanking me for a brief moment, but soon returns with a bite right on my buttcheek, leaving a row of darker red teeth marks on and already beaten and battered bum. I let out a yelp around the panties that by now are soaked with my saliva after being brutally bitten and sucked during the spanking... her taste actually brings me comfort.
Immediately following the bite I feel her fingers spreading warm lube around my hole prior to pushing into my pucker and initially I pull my hips forwards, but another ball-tug and squeeze puts a quick death to that. She pokes in all different directions when entering and withdrawing, spreading me out so she can soon squeeze in her middle finger in addition to the index. I'm easing up and starting to pant heavily. Suddenly she stops, fingers sitting in the same spot for several seconds. "Push back. Fuck yourself on it like the little schoolgirl slut you are." I whimper and immediately grind down on them, rolling my hips and impaling myself on her fingers, trying to do it with a downward pressure so she probes my prostate on each gyration.
She allows me to pleasure myself in this manner for some time, but removes them when upon deciding I'm loosened and lubed up sufficiently. I take a deep breath and swallow hard - I can feel her changing positions and hear lube being slathered on something behind me. I wasn't able to see, but she had just removed the dildo from her hot pussy, attached it to the harness, and was currently lubing it up behind me, licking her lips.
My cheeks spread apart once more, this time almost painfully far as she placed a palm on either cheek and leaned forwards, parting them with great pressure which left my ring completely exposed and stretched out a little himself. She blew on it and the tickling sensation forced a giggle from my throat which distracts me from my situation for just an instant. The instant she first penetrated her baby boy.
I squeeze my eyes tightly shut, tears just beginning to bud on the corners of the lids, wincing while my asshole stretches open, forced apart by her 7" long, 1.5" thick strap-on. She doesn't enter in a smooth, constant motion; instead she stops at regular intervals, giving me time to stretch slowly and get used to such a long, thick instrument in my ass. It clenches on the intruder, almost as if trying to force it out albeit feebly. She leans down and whispers in my ear while sliding her hands up to my shoulders to gently knead. "Relax, baby boy. Don't fight it... Submit."
I nod my head and try to take a deep breath, progress gets a little easier. Before my brain can really process what's happening and the explosive sensations and emotions I'm feeling she's fully in and laying all her weight on my back and rear... pushing in so deep. I squeal, indeed not unlike a schoolgirl, being pinned and penetrated beneath her. She bites my ear and moans out, "Ungh, Mama's home!" I'm shaking and shivering, biting my lips and squeezing my eyes tight. She kisses, then licks my cheek and says, "It's okay, baby boy... let it out," before ripping off the duct-tape.
With a whimper, the sob I'm choking back escapes in full force, flushing my eyes out and open with tears and my whole body goes limp and the panties plop onto the bed-top. In giving in to it, every muscle relaxes and she starts rolling and gyrating her hips on top of mine, fucking my ass with all her weight in a slow, but steady rhythm. She times her thrusts with my inhales and exhales so I involuntarily fuck myself onto her. I'm not crying from the pain... it hurts a bit, but also feels so good. I'm just so happy, so thrilled, so overcome, so verklempt. The love of my life is making love to me and I couldn't be happier... it's just so overpowering it's impossible for me to do anything else.
"Mmm, yeah... I told you I'd fuck you 'til you cry... Good boy, just lay there and take it like the slut you are..." I can only nod and moan like a whore, I'm unable to speak or respond even though I've been de-gagged. She's slipping in with progressively more speed and power, and I'm left squirming - almost struggling against myself, against how good it feels... unable to do much of anything productive. I'm just in sensory overload, I can still taste her cunt and ass from her panties and now smell them since they lay next to me, my ass is being ripped open, and my throbbing cock is being forced into the bedsheets with every thrust.
She fucks me for hours... she fucks my brains out. Before we're done she winds up unbinding me and fucking me in almost every position imaginable... so many I lose track. She fucks me on my back with my legs held up with the backs of my knees on her shoulders, on my side with a leg raised, doggystyle, and even has me ride her for a bit (which was awkward, after a while I was so spent I was almost collapsing after every bounce). She reapplies the numbing lubricant and astroglide many times during the marathon, but just after around the halfway point the soreness started breaking through. It felt good, though... I loved having her pound me like an animal, though it felt like she was holding back just a bit... which maybe was good I was certainly sore, but felt safe and loved, too.
After a while we both just need a breather and she pushes me off of her and spoons with me a while - her chest and hips pressed up against my back since my front was soaked in tears and precum, cock still throbbing. She teases it with a hand, jerking just until I'm on the edge of explosion, then stopping or squeezing the base or my balls. I whimper and whine and she asks, "How do you feel, baby boy?"
"Amazing, Mommy. It's sore but it feels so good, I think I'm gonna want it again and again."
"Good, because we're gonna do this everyday from now on. You're my Bend Over Boyfriend, now. Wanna cum?"
"Ohhh, yes, Mommy! Please, please Mommy can I-"
"No! Hahahaha. You're mine. This cock is mine. And now this ass is mine. I'm gonna take it WHENEVER and WHEREVER I want it, got that? I OWN you!"
"Yes, Mommy."
"Good... now get up. I'm gonna fuck you again."
(The end?)
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
The Opening Night (Part 2)
If you haven't read part 1....
Mistress' fingers poke and prod in all different directions, opening me up and getting me used to having something in my ass. Sliding in and out slowly, the tight grip of my virgin ring keeps her from getting too forceful without causing quite a bit of pain... Even the current deliberate pace causes some... although its quite erotic to me. The numbing lubricant she applied keeps it from stinging and burning too much.
As soon as I start getting severely turned on and into it - my face fully flushed as red as my recently spanked ass, breathing heavy, and some sweat beading on my brow - she removes her fingers which elicits a wanting, whimpering moan from my lips and some strong push-back from my hips. A spank meets my ass as she allows me to bask in that sultry voice, hot and soothing as a sauna, "Ooooh! The dirty baby boy can't get enough! Yeah, I'll turn your virgin ass into a pussy, yet. Just you wait and see." My heart stops in place, upon her completion of those words, I know I'll get what I'd waited for and wanted for so long: to give her my virginity. I bite my bottom lip to keep the tears from flowing right there... one still manages to sneak out and roll down my nose, dropping down onto the bed.
"Yes, Mistress. I can't wait..." My speech is broken and husky and all her treatment makes me ache with desire - my member throbs and quite a little mess of pre-cum builds up on the bed. I'm wiggling my hips all around, missing Mistress' fingers, wanting them to return oh-so-bad. Instead of feeling fingers, my previously poor lonely pucker feels a foreign intruder prod and push against it - the nozzle to the enema - the larger, longer douche nozzle.
It causes me to jump and squirm, her expert touch brings back goosebumps and makes every hair on my body stand on end electrified. She slides the nozzle in and out, fucking me with it while rubbing and kissing my back and she mixes in pinches and bites to keep me on my toes. Before long she decides she has the nozzle and me right where she wants us (the nozzle inserted deeeeep inside me) and turns her hands' attention to my belly and her equipment. She leans in to whisper in my ear, "Take a deep breath, baby boy..."
I coo a, "Yes, Mistress," prior to a long moaning exhalation. I feel warm flowing water flush into me and Mistress' pristine, pampering palms knead my belly, placating any and all cramping. In addition to her massaging hands, she whispers pleasantries, sweet-nothings, and praise all along... for example, "Ooh, you're doing so well, baby boy," "You're so full," or "Mama's so proud of you." The combination of everything - the warmth inside my belly, the warmth her hands cause outside my belly, her soothing voice's warmth, her body's warmth... is just so calming and relaxing. No massage parlor, meditation guru, or yoga class can compete for comfort and stress reduction with my Mistress.
Before I know it the first third of 2 quarts slightly soapy solution sloshes around inside me and she stops the flow. "Roll over onto your belly for Mama, baby boy," she gives my hip a light, encouraging pat as she speaks. I roll over and she props up my waist with some pillows underneath so my eager rump rises high. The position gets me so hot and bothered, but before my hips have a chance to really wiggle, the water's rushing into me again and I let out a moan of pleasure and desire.
"Aww, what a good boy... Take a deep breath," her voice is so soft, almost supple and my heart starts welling up in my chest. My Mistress, though able to be quite strict and sadistic, has such caring and gentle moments, too. I feel so lucky to be hers and my eyes start tearing up, remembering past experiences and how wonderfully different she is from everyone I'd ever met my entire life. Sometimes it feels as if we were brought together by some supernatural force and this is one of those times.
I can feel my gut distending and I groan, "Unnghh... getting kind of crampy, Mistress."
"Crabby? You're always crabby, 'cause you're a naughty baby boy who needs my firm hand to guide him! I'll put you to sleep soon if you're so crabby..."
"Not crabby, Mistress! Crampy... like my belly is all bloated." I smirk and try not to chuckle for fear that I might make a mess if I move my tummy muscles wrong, she never ceases to make me laugh even at the oddest moments. She reaches underneath me and begins massaging me again, I soon feel strange gurglings in my belly as water gushes deeper into my colon.
Involuntarily I wriggle my rump around again and she chomps my cheek, leaving red rows of teeth imprints. It makes me whimper, but she kisses and rubs it afterwards, this is one of the most gentle experiences I've had with her. Before long, the flow stops again and she instructs me to roll onto my back with warm praise. I can feel the water settling into different positions and groan as she tells me to take another deep breath. I obey. On the exhale, more water flows into me.
"Oh you're doing so good, my baby boy!" I smile up at her all teary-eyed from how deeply I feel for her. I nod, thank her, and squirm around... it's filling me up and causing distension, I feel bigger than ever before. "Ungh... it's so big, Mistress... I'm so bloated... My belly... it's so big..."
"No, baby boy... no no no. It just feels that way, it looks fine it's only a little swollen, you're taking this great."
"Well you make me happy so I'd do anything to make you as happy as you make me... though I do enjoy it." I really do want to do anything for her, but at the moment all I can really do is wiggle around. After we exchange some light pleasant talk I feel and hear another gurgle... not only did the water move to a new part of my colon, but it empties out of the bag, too! "You're all done, baby boy! Now you just gotta hold it."
"Oooh... I'll try, Mistress."
"Try? No you better fucking hold it, I don't want a single drop on this bed. There will be no messes, hear me?!"
"Yes, Mistress... Sorry Mistress."
She climbs into the bed with me and starts snuggling again, kissing here... biting there... all the while rubbing and kneading my belly to try and aid the bloating. The first few minutes are a breeze and I cuddle back enthusiastically, but after around 5 minutes I start getting less peppy. The urgency increases and it feels like I have to go - NOW! My face twists into a grimace and the whining whimpers start back up, but are soon cut short as Mistress squeezes my cheeks in her hand, "HOLD IT! Or I'll shove a balloon up there!"
Her threat makes my eyes bulge out and I start clenching my butt as hard as possible. The next few moments I'm all but oblivious to her manipulations, concentrating with all my effort on keeping that hot soapy water inside me. Before long, she allows me to release and I waddle to the bathroom... so relieving. I clean myself up and strut back... but if given a DUI test at this moment I would fail I'm so light-headed.
I plop back down on the bed and rest for a moment before we repeat the whole process with a smaller, much easier rinse cycle, by the end of which I'm almost falling asleep I'm so relaxed. After the rinse, Mistress begins kissing me fervently, her hands working on my body with renewed ferocity. As she speaks, there is a hunger in her voice and she spanks my ass. The spank turns into a squeeze upon making contact, "Can you guess what's coming next, my little slutboy?" With a nervous look on my face I gulp audibly in my throat and nod my head. "Y-yeah... I think... I think you're not going to keep me a virgin much longer, are you, Mistress?" Her lips slide into her most sultry, seductive smile and she says, "Yeah... I'm claiming you as my bend over boyfriend, baby boy. It's opening night... time to spread the curtain!"
(End of part 2, but work in progress - changing tense from past to present. Part 3 coming soon!)
Mistress' fingers poke and prod in all different directions, opening me up and getting me used to having something in my ass. Sliding in and out slowly, the tight grip of my virgin ring keeps her from getting too forceful without causing quite a bit of pain... Even the current deliberate pace causes some... although its quite erotic to me. The numbing lubricant she applied keeps it from stinging and burning too much.
As soon as I start getting severely turned on and into it - my face fully flushed as red as my recently spanked ass, breathing heavy, and some sweat beading on my brow - she removes her fingers which elicits a wanting, whimpering moan from my lips and some strong push-back from my hips. A spank meets my ass as she allows me to bask in that sultry voice, hot and soothing as a sauna, "Ooooh! The dirty baby boy can't get enough! Yeah, I'll turn your virgin ass into a pussy, yet. Just you wait and see." My heart stops in place, upon her completion of those words, I know I'll get what I'd waited for and wanted for so long: to give her my virginity. I bite my bottom lip to keep the tears from flowing right there... one still manages to sneak out and roll down my nose, dropping down onto the bed.
"Yes, Mistress. I can't wait..." My speech is broken and husky and all her treatment makes me ache with desire - my member throbs and quite a little mess of pre-cum builds up on the bed. I'm wiggling my hips all around, missing Mistress' fingers, wanting them to return oh-so-bad. Instead of feeling fingers, my previously poor lonely pucker feels a foreign intruder prod and push against it - the nozzle to the enema - the larger, longer douche nozzle.
It causes me to jump and squirm, her expert touch brings back goosebumps and makes every hair on my body stand on end electrified. She slides the nozzle in and out, fucking me with it while rubbing and kissing my back and she mixes in pinches and bites to keep me on my toes. Before long she decides she has the nozzle and me right where she wants us (the nozzle inserted deeeeep inside me) and turns her hands' attention to my belly and her equipment. She leans in to whisper in my ear, "Take a deep breath, baby boy..."
I coo a, "Yes, Mistress," prior to a long moaning exhalation. I feel warm flowing water flush into me and Mistress' pristine, pampering palms knead my belly, placating any and all cramping. In addition to her massaging hands, she whispers pleasantries, sweet-nothings, and praise all along... for example, "Ooh, you're doing so well, baby boy," "You're so full," or "Mama's so proud of you." The combination of everything - the warmth inside my belly, the warmth her hands cause outside my belly, her soothing voice's warmth, her body's warmth... is just so calming and relaxing. No massage parlor, meditation guru, or yoga class can compete for comfort and stress reduction with my Mistress.
Before I know it the first third of 2 quarts slightly soapy solution sloshes around inside me and she stops the flow. "Roll over onto your belly for Mama, baby boy," she gives my hip a light, encouraging pat as she speaks. I roll over and she props up my waist with some pillows underneath so my eager rump rises high. The position gets me so hot and bothered, but before my hips have a chance to really wiggle, the water's rushing into me again and I let out a moan of pleasure and desire.
"Aww, what a good boy... Take a deep breath," her voice is so soft, almost supple and my heart starts welling up in my chest. My Mistress, though able to be quite strict and sadistic, has such caring and gentle moments, too. I feel so lucky to be hers and my eyes start tearing up, remembering past experiences and how wonderfully different she is from everyone I'd ever met my entire life. Sometimes it feels as if we were brought together by some supernatural force and this is one of those times.
I can feel my gut distending and I groan, "Unnghh... getting kind of crampy, Mistress."
"Crabby? You're always crabby, 'cause you're a naughty baby boy who needs my firm hand to guide him! I'll put you to sleep soon if you're so crabby..."
"Not crabby, Mistress! Crampy... like my belly is all bloated." I smirk and try not to chuckle for fear that I might make a mess if I move my tummy muscles wrong, she never ceases to make me laugh even at the oddest moments. She reaches underneath me and begins massaging me again, I soon feel strange gurglings in my belly as water gushes deeper into my colon.
Involuntarily I wriggle my rump around again and she chomps my cheek, leaving red rows of teeth imprints. It makes me whimper, but she kisses and rubs it afterwards, this is one of the most gentle experiences I've had with her. Before long, the flow stops again and she instructs me to roll onto my back with warm praise. I can feel the water settling into different positions and groan as she tells me to take another deep breath. I obey. On the exhale, more water flows into me.
"Oh you're doing so good, my baby boy!" I smile up at her all teary-eyed from how deeply I feel for her. I nod, thank her, and squirm around... it's filling me up and causing distension, I feel bigger than ever before. "Ungh... it's so big, Mistress... I'm so bloated... My belly... it's so big..."
"No, baby boy... no no no. It just feels that way, it looks fine it's only a little swollen, you're taking this great."
"Well you make me happy so I'd do anything to make you as happy as you make me... though I do enjoy it." I really do want to do anything for her, but at the moment all I can really do is wiggle around. After we exchange some light pleasant talk I feel and hear another gurgle... not only did the water move to a new part of my colon, but it empties out of the bag, too! "You're all done, baby boy! Now you just gotta hold it."
"Oooh... I'll try, Mistress."
"Try? No you better fucking hold it, I don't want a single drop on this bed. There will be no messes, hear me?!"
"Yes, Mistress... Sorry Mistress."
She climbs into the bed with me and starts snuggling again, kissing here... biting there... all the while rubbing and kneading my belly to try and aid the bloating. The first few minutes are a breeze and I cuddle back enthusiastically, but after around 5 minutes I start getting less peppy. The urgency increases and it feels like I have to go - NOW! My face twists into a grimace and the whining whimpers start back up, but are soon cut short as Mistress squeezes my cheeks in her hand, "HOLD IT! Or I'll shove a balloon up there!"
Her threat makes my eyes bulge out and I start clenching my butt as hard as possible. The next few moments I'm all but oblivious to her manipulations, concentrating with all my effort on keeping that hot soapy water inside me. Before long, she allows me to release and I waddle to the bathroom... so relieving. I clean myself up and strut back... but if given a DUI test at this moment I would fail I'm so light-headed.
I plop back down on the bed and rest for a moment before we repeat the whole process with a smaller, much easier rinse cycle, by the end of which I'm almost falling asleep I'm so relaxed. After the rinse, Mistress begins kissing me fervently, her hands working on my body with renewed ferocity. As she speaks, there is a hunger in her voice and she spanks my ass. The spank turns into a squeeze upon making contact, "Can you guess what's coming next, my little slutboy?" With a nervous look on my face I gulp audibly in my throat and nod my head. "Y-yeah... I think... I think you're not going to keep me a virgin much longer, are you, Mistress?" Her lips slide into her most sultry, seductive smile and she says, "Yeah... I'm claiming you as my bend over boyfriend, baby boy. It's opening night... time to spread the curtain!"
(End of part 2, but work in progress - changing tense from past to present. Part 3 coming soon!)
Monday, July 23, 2012
The Opening Night (Part 1)
Things were great with my Mistress this past week... I made surprisingly few fuck-ups and she seems genuinely pleased with her pet's performance. I'm happy, more than words can express. Our love affair seems like it can't possibly get any better, although it has a constant tendency to always get better, but everything's just so perfect (been walking on air all day) that I think I can't be happier.
I soon realize I'm wrong - she strikes me like lightning again - taken completely by storm. I meet her in the late evening; she invites me in and I greet her groveling on my knees at her feet and giving them kisses, wondering what form her training will take tonight. She looks gorgeous as ever, but also determined... like she has a specific plan in mind.
"Get up little foo-foo dog, I've got a bone for you tonight!" I respond with a typical excited, "Thank you, Mistress," while she pulls me by the hair (not too fierce or angrily but so I can feel it) as if guiding me with a leash, to her bedroom. I can't keep my lips from grinning or my head from spinning since I'm so excited about what's about to happen and curious at the same time, who knows what she has in mind?
Upon entering the room I saw a comforting, pleasant, and romantic scene. In the candle-light I see an enema bag set up and some lube by the bed... which is made up and decked out with red soft sheets. She leads me to the bed and instructs me to lay on my side with my outside knee raised and she joins me while we slip into our own sort of foreplay. She tugs my hair, kisses and bites all over, some spanks here and there. Nothing too fierce, just little electric and erotic touches to drive me wild, get me wiggling, and send shivers down my spine.
Her every action invokes a reaction, whether a soft coo, a squeal and squirm, or a breathy moan. Her meticulous molestation soon hones its attention in on my posterior... the massaging, biting, kneading, and beating (not brutal, some spanks to redden up my rear) get me so hot - I'm rock hard and rearing to go.
Then those gentle hands ease my cheeks apart and start teasing and toying with my hole, just tickling around it and skirting softly over it. I can't help myself and start pushing and grinding back against her hands and she gives me a sharp spank to remind me who is in control of everything, including pace. I moan and begin looking back over my shoulder to try and see what she is planning. As soon as I get a glance in my cheek, this time the facial one, is met with a similar slap and she stops what she is doing to get up and walk away. Still laying on the bed, I become distraught. "I'm sorry, Mistress... please. I won't look again, I promise!" She returns with a quickness and various fetish gear in tow. "You're damn right you won't, but I don't trust you dirty little slut-boy so I'm going to cuff and blindfold you," she applies the restraints, locking my hands in place behind my back ensuring I won't catch sight of her preparations.
I thank Mistress for her kindness, guidance, and training and apologize for being such a dirty boy while trying to figure out by the strange noises what she's setting up. Before all the words escape my lips I feel her applying slick lubricant to my ass and her finger slips inside; my sentence stops dead in its tracks, cut short by a moan. Although I can't see it, she is smiling down at me while gently probing my ass. First one finger, then another and I become jelly in her hands.
Her sweet voice sings out, coaxing me along, "You're enjoying this, aren't you? Moaning like a slutty little schoolgirl I answer, "Yes, Mistress... I love it, your touch is exquisite."
"What do you want me to do to you, bitch boy?"
"Please, Mistress... give me an enema? I want it so bad... please caress me and tease me and bite me while you fill me with warm water, cleaning me out... I need it, Mistress... I need you to control me, to let me submit to you completely and fully all of me... I want you to own every last part of my body and have control over everything."
"Yes... I do own you completely, Boychik. And you will submit to me."
(To be continued...)
I soon realize I'm wrong - she strikes me like lightning again - taken completely by storm. I meet her in the late evening; she invites me in and I greet her groveling on my knees at her feet and giving them kisses, wondering what form her training will take tonight. She looks gorgeous as ever, but also determined... like she has a specific plan in mind.
"Get up little foo-foo dog, I've got a bone for you tonight!" I respond with a typical excited, "Thank you, Mistress," while she pulls me by the hair (not too fierce or angrily but so I can feel it) as if guiding me with a leash, to her bedroom. I can't keep my lips from grinning or my head from spinning since I'm so excited about what's about to happen and curious at the same time, who knows what she has in mind?
Upon entering the room I saw a comforting, pleasant, and romantic scene. In the candle-light I see an enema bag set up and some lube by the bed... which is made up and decked out with red soft sheets. She leads me to the bed and instructs me to lay on my side with my outside knee raised and she joins me while we slip into our own sort of foreplay. She tugs my hair, kisses and bites all over, some spanks here and there. Nothing too fierce, just little electric and erotic touches to drive me wild, get me wiggling, and send shivers down my spine.
Her every action invokes a reaction, whether a soft coo, a squeal and squirm, or a breathy moan. Her meticulous molestation soon hones its attention in on my posterior... the massaging, biting, kneading, and beating (not brutal, some spanks to redden up my rear) get me so hot - I'm rock hard and rearing to go.
Then those gentle hands ease my cheeks apart and start teasing and toying with my hole, just tickling around it and skirting softly over it. I can't help myself and start pushing and grinding back against her hands and she gives me a sharp spank to remind me who is in control of everything, including pace. I moan and begin looking back over my shoulder to try and see what she is planning. As soon as I get a glance in my cheek, this time the facial one, is met with a similar slap and she stops what she is doing to get up and walk away. Still laying on the bed, I become distraught. "I'm sorry, Mistress... please. I won't look again, I promise!" She returns with a quickness and various fetish gear in tow. "You're damn right you won't, but I don't trust you dirty little slut-boy so I'm going to cuff and blindfold you," she applies the restraints, locking my hands in place behind my back ensuring I won't catch sight of her preparations.
I thank Mistress for her kindness, guidance, and training and apologize for being such a dirty boy while trying to figure out by the strange noises what she's setting up. Before all the words escape my lips I feel her applying slick lubricant to my ass and her finger slips inside; my sentence stops dead in its tracks, cut short by a moan. Although I can't see it, she is smiling down at me while gently probing my ass. First one finger, then another and I become jelly in her hands.
Her sweet voice sings out, coaxing me along, "You're enjoying this, aren't you? Moaning like a slutty little schoolgirl I answer, "Yes, Mistress... I love it, your touch is exquisite."
"What do you want me to do to you, bitch boy?"
"Please, Mistress... give me an enema? I want it so bad... please caress me and tease me and bite me while you fill me with warm water, cleaning me out... I need it, Mistress... I need you to control me, to let me submit to you completely and fully all of me... I want you to own every last part of my body and have control over everything."
"Yes... I do own you completely, Boychik. And you will submit to me."
(To be continued...)
Sunday, July 22, 2012
So Excited After Accidental Eavesdropping
A little while ago I accidentally overheard Mistress talking with one of her friends. She was talking about how happy she's been with me and how good I've been... while listening I couldn't help but get a goofy grin, all day I've been thinking about how great she is, how lucky I am to be with her, and how happy she makes me. When reflecting it was impossible for me not to smile wherever I was and a couple times I even started laughing about the absurdity of the whole thing... average guy like me landing himself in servitude to a complete bombshell like her. Hearing her say everything she said to him thus far made my heart feel as if it were melting, warmth and happiness spreading all through my chest and then pervading my whole body, but it got even better.
Some parts I couldn't quite make out... but after she talked about how she feels about me (which made me just burst with happiness) I can swear I heard her say something about a collar. My heart jumped inside my chest and I got instant butterflies in my stomach. I think what I've been hoping and praying for might come true soon. It'll probably just be a starter collar but I still can't wait - it's still a really big step forwards. I want something on my body symbolizing my devotion to her so bad... I want to be hers not just now, but forever. I've been so giddy and thrilled ever since... everything I've been trying so hard for seems to be getting closer to reality.
Once on, I'd never take it off. You'd have to kill me to get it off my neck. The things she does to and with me are just so wonderful... we get along so famously... I love her so much that I always want to be hers, I always want to be reminded of it, and I always want everyone else to know. I don't want any confusion, I want it loud and clear that she owns me. I just love her so fucking much I've been shaking every since I heard that... it's almost like my heart popped. It got too filled up with this mushy gushy stuff then burst everywhere, spreading it all across my whole body. I love her with every fiber of my being and I want to give her every fiber of my being.
It makes me feel so safe, loved, and comfortable knowing that I'm hers. She's possessive and I love it... she doesn't want me talking to anyone else, just do what I have to do then rush right back to her and that's the way I like it. I don't want to talk to anyone but her, I want her involved in every aspect of her life... I want her control over everything I do and it's so completely fulfilling and rewarding when she does. I don't want any freedom. I want to be her slave, always.
Some parts I couldn't quite make out... but after she talked about how she feels about me (which made me just burst with happiness) I can swear I heard her say something about a collar. My heart jumped inside my chest and I got instant butterflies in my stomach. I think what I've been hoping and praying for might come true soon. It'll probably just be a starter collar but I still can't wait - it's still a really big step forwards. I want something on my body symbolizing my devotion to her so bad... I want to be hers not just now, but forever. I've been so giddy and thrilled ever since... everything I've been trying so hard for seems to be getting closer to reality.
Once on, I'd never take it off. You'd have to kill me to get it off my neck. The things she does to and with me are just so wonderful... we get along so famously... I love her so much that I always want to be hers, I always want to be reminded of it, and I always want everyone else to know. I don't want any confusion, I want it loud and clear that she owns me. I just love her so fucking much I've been shaking every since I heard that... it's almost like my heart popped. It got too filled up with this mushy gushy stuff then burst everywhere, spreading it all across my whole body. I love her with every fiber of my being and I want to give her every fiber of my being.
It makes me feel so safe, loved, and comfortable knowing that I'm hers. She's possessive and I love it... she doesn't want me talking to anyone else, just do what I have to do then rush right back to her and that's the way I like it. I don't want to talk to anyone but her, I want her involved in every aspect of her life... I want her control over everything I do and it's so completely fulfilling and rewarding when she does. I don't want any freedom. I want to be her slave, always.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
From Vanilla to 24/7 Slave
Upon discovering sex... and later that I was into BDSM and that I was submissive... I didn't just immediately dive headfirst into a 24/7 lifestyle. Discovering that this was right for me/was what I want/need was kind of a long process. Looking back I almost wish I had done it sooner, since it feels so right... But I suppose I did it when it was right for me. Had I done it with any of my ex's... things would have been very, very bad. I'm so grateful my Mistress and I found each other when we did... I love her so much, not just for the sex/bdsm play which is great, but we just connect on such a deep level... so when I look back and compare things to now it kind of feels like I was wasting time... But I've got to remember the past and that if I hadn't gone through what I did... I wouldn't be who I am today and things might not be so beautiful between us. My past makes me who I am.
I matured at a very young age, and as such discovered sex very early in my life. (I started getting pubes around 8 and first truly masturbated around 9 or 10... I didn't come the first few times just precum which confused me, but with a little practice I was masturbating daily by 11). I can remember getting hard and thrusting against cushions / my couch at around 7 or 8 while watching The Shining (that scene where the woman comes out of the tub and is naked... the trick was watching it and pausing+rewinding JUST before she changes into that ugly nasty witch thing while dancing with Jack Torrance).
Not long later I found a VHS tape in an apartment building and picked it up out of curiosity after visiting a friend and brought it home. To my surprise it turned out to be 12 hours of porn! Oh I had much fun sneaking to the t.v. at night after my parents fell asleep to watch it in private (I was around 9 or 10). It was vanilla stuff, mostly softcore lesbian scenes... but that was enough to sate me at the time because since I was so young and knew very little of sex and hadn't really talked about it much with anyone (when I had heard a neighborhood girl say something about a vagina and asked my mom what it was, I can remember her saying, "I don't know, sounds like Spanish!") it felt taboo... "naughty," I didn't know much about what I was doing, but I sort of had a feeling that I "shouldn't" be doing it and that made me want to do it more. It helped me learn early on that the plain stuff... like guys just fucking girls, didn't do much for me... the scenes I liked most were the ones that featured analingus. But there was no BDSM to speak of.
Then at around age 11 I got my first computer... and it was all downhill from there. The internet opened me up to a whole big world of porn... I still had a feeling that what I was doing was "taboo" or somehow "wrong," so I tried my best to hide it from my parents. There were a couple incidents where I got caught... like a popup that covered the whole screen that I couldn't close... I told my dad about it and he sat me down and talked... telling me it was OK and stuff and that he'll keep it between us and not to tell my mother. Whenever my mother found anything, she'd be quite mad, but he'd calm her down and say it's normal... or ask her to send it to him (after they got divorced) so he can see for himself. I would still mostly look at vanilla stuff... mostly lesbians, anal, asslicking... I knew I liked the "dirty" stuff, but I didn't really know why or understand it yet.
I had seen BDSM stuff passing over thumbnails... but most of the popular/prevalent stuff at the time was Mdom / Fsub which didn't really pique my interest at all, I had grown up being taught to respect women (which would soon clash with how many girls I met actually wanted to be treated). It wasn't until I was in 8th grade, late 13 or early/mid 14 that I saw a woman walking a man on a leash and collar (he was walking upright, not on his hands and knees) at a local fair that I found femdom. I didn't know what it was, I didn't know why, but I was JEALOUS. I wanted her... or someone... anyone to do that to me!
When I got home I took to the internet faster than a sprinter hearing the gunshot go off... I couldn't get enough. Asslicking, facesitting, consensual non-consent, pegging, bondage, whipping/flogging/caning, pet-play... the dirtier/more taboo the better. I started with visual porn, but quickly discovered I preferred reading sex stories since they allowed me to better understand the emotional and psychological aspects to it instead of just the physical/visual. Stories where the women owned men as 24/7 slaves got me so hot and bothered... but I didn't think I'd ever actually experience it. The thought scared me... I wanted to submit, but I was so headstrong in life and even liked having control over some things (like running/organizing events, being "president" over things in school, etc) that I didn't know if I could handle it. Having every aspect of my life controlled. Not only that, but some of these stories described absolutely horrific things... I wasn't too into the ultra-extreme like horrible torture designed to really damage or maim someone, using their slaves as human toilets (the complete submission aspect of this I could understand, but the reality of the act itself grossed me out), forcing sex-changes on their slaves... the women described in a lot of these stories sounded like despicable, disgusting, hateful people. I hadn't discovered the "loving" side of BDSM yet, which was horribly under-represented on the internet and in porn at the time... and I didn't really like it just for the sake of cruelty and human torment.
Not long after I got into my first relationship. I knew I wanted to try some kink, but she'd have no part in it. She was completely vanilla and quite the opposite of dominant/confident, she was so self-conscious she wouldn't even let me eat her out. Missionary with the lights off, always. I got bored with the sex fast, but we had been friends before we got together and got along great so the relationship lasted for months... just shy of a year I think. Then came my second long term relationship. She was more experimental and introduced me to the "loving" side of BDSM, but submitting 24/7 horrified me because in a lot of ways I was more intelligent than her... and I couldn't have someone dumber than me trying to control me. Not to mention she was unstable mentally, and often put me through some pretty tough experiences, to say the least. We were passionate, though, and broke up and got back together often, but after 3 years we both had had enough.
After this I was quite jaded. I felt at times like I didn't want to be submissive anymore... Like I never wanted to let someone do the things she'd done to me again. How could I let someone control me so completely, only to just hurt me so deeply? I tried to do the "go out and get laid" thing, but that was never for me. I didn't enjoy it, I needed an emotional connection with my partner and vanilla sex doesn't do it for me. I don't feel comfortable asking someone I don't feel very close to and trust completely to dominate me. That was my mistake with the previous relationship, asking her to dominate me before I knew her well. But at the time I thought it was asking her to dominate me at all.
Without having my sexual submissive nature satisfied... I looked for satisfaction in non-sexual areas of my life. I'd try to please friends and family as best I could... I'd be too generous. Too giving. I'd do almost any task asked of me and I was commonly taken advantage of. Over time I started coming to grips with the fact that I was submissive and always would be... that I'd always want a woman to control me and guide me, but that I just needed one that was capable. That I'm a strong, proud, intelligent person who needs an even stronger, prouder, more intelligent person to control him... just any average "pro" domme or woman who wants to dominate the occasional stranger on a weekend wouldn't do. I had tried being dominated NSA, it didn't work for me.
I spent a long time looking. Putting myself out there and being rejected, meeting women and deeming them unsatisfactory... It was hard finding one that stood up to my character-standards (honesty, loyalty, etc) but would also have the same interests as me. I still wasn't absolutely positive I wanted to be dominated 24/7, but I knew I wanted to be in a relationship with a dominant woman who would dominate me well and dominate me often. I never wanted any form of "role reversal" or anything like that, but maybe submissive in the bedroom and a little less so out of it.
Eventually, I got to the point where I gave up looking. I figured there wasn't a "perfect" woman out there for me. It hurt at first, but I got used to it. I took time to focus on myself, which was actually much needed and did me well. Sorted out areas of my life that had completely deteriorated. In a lot of ways, rebuilt myself and made myself stronger. Just going about my business. Occasionally I'd see a glance, that look that says "I want you," the signs that a woman's interested... but I'd ignore them. I'd always think, "If you only knew what I would want you to do to me, you'd run the opposite direction" and go about my business.
Then... out of fucking nowhere... I met her. Maybe it was because neither of us were really "putting ourselves out there," so to speak... openly looking for someone. Maybe it was because I had taken a long siesta from looking and had improved myself and became confident in my wants/desires... I don't know. But I set eyes on her, and the rest is history. It was like lightning struck, from the second I saw her I knew she was something special, she exudes sexuality and drips confidence. She speaks with a ferocity rarely seen, you know that she's not some lost little girl without a care in the world... she knows what she wants and she knows how to get it. When in her presence it's like a trance, hypnotized. Getting to know her has been an awesome journey and each day's a blessing. Every time I discover something new about her, it's as thrilling as uncovering some great mystery.
We started speaking and soon saw we had scores of things in common, from sexuality to life experiences to non-sexual interests... It's almost like in terms of personality, sense of humor, and interests that we're mirror images of one another. But it's baffling... not only is she such a beautiful person inside, but she's drop-dead sexy outside as well. Alluring, adorable, tantalizing, enticing facial features with powerfully emotive expressions all perched atop a picture-perfect svelte physique with overbearing body language. It's intimidating and exhilarating at the same time and knowing she's way out of my league (she even works in the fucking entertainment industry [not adult entertainment]. WTF? I don't know what it is, but apparently I did something that made the big man upstairs REALLY happy) and it only makes it all the easier and pleasurable submitting to such a presence.
After just a handful of conversations / meetings with her I knew I wanted to be hers. And because of how kind, caring, giving, loving, and just sweet she can be... how honest and loyal she is... she made me feel entirely at ease. She calmed any worries I had had about being in a 24/7 relationship... it was no longer under consideration it was definite... I didn't want to just get a nut off on the weekends and then walk away... I wanted to be at her feet all the time. To please her constantly, do whatever she wants me to, to be her little slut/bitch/foo-foo dog/baby boy/pet/bend over boyfriend and love every fucking minute of it and that's exactly what I'm doing.
I'd never had imagined it would be this... perfect. It's the best decision I've ever made, by far... (submitting to her 24/7). The joy it brings me to see a smile on her gorgeous face, or here that pretty little lilting laughter... oh, there's nothing else like it. She's so addicting... more than any drug out there... when I'm not with her I'm fiending hard, I can't take it... I need more. I'd do more and worse things than any crackhead or heroin addict to have her, to appease her, to please her... She's the light of my life and serving her has been so healing, so liberating, so just fucking perfect that I thank my lucky stars and God and all potential powers that be that she's in my life and loves me. I can't imagine my life without her... I never want to go back to the way things were before I met her...
I don't make good decisions and I can't be left alone to act as I please... having her to tell me what to do and lead me and guide me and punish me if I stray from the path is so... comforting. It's like I know everything will be better than just OK, everything will be excellent, amazing, perfect if I just listen to her and keep her happy. Life couldn't be simpler! Do what Mistress says and life is perfect. Before I had no idea what to do... now I know.
So yeah... I couldn't be happier with serving my Mistress 24/7, but it took me a long time to come to that decision. Ultimately, had I not met her I don't think I'd have ever made the leap. She just made me feel so comfortable, I trust her so much and know that no harm will come of me. No one else made me feel this way, made me feel like I NEEDED to serve her. So if you're thinking about making the leap to 24/7, but are worried/unsure... I'd say if you love your potential Mistress/Master completely and unconditionally... if you always want to make them happy and if he/she is truly a good person with your interest in mind not just their own... then it will be an amazing experience. There are however some very cruel people out there who are truly only in it for themselves... I have a loving relationship with my Mistress and wouldn't want it any other way... so just be careful and try to protect yourself while you're getting to know them and don't jump in until you're sure that they're great and won't hurt you... unless you're into the extreme/cruelty but I don't know how anyone could be... When you're REALLY being punished not "funished," you're not going to enjoy it... at least I don't. Not physically, anyways... emotionally and mentally I do since it's what must be done for displeasing my Mistress and to make her happy again... But yeah. Serving her has made me the happiest I've EVER been and probably ever will be... And because of that, because of how much I love her, need her, care about her, want her, think about her, and desire her... I'll never leave her and never hurt her. She's done so much for me in such a short time... more than anyone else has and I know I can never repay her for that, but I hope serving her 'til I die completely and fully would be a good start.
I matured at a very young age, and as such discovered sex very early in my life. (I started getting pubes around 8 and first truly masturbated around 9 or 10... I didn't come the first few times just precum which confused me, but with a little practice I was masturbating daily by 11). I can remember getting hard and thrusting against cushions / my couch at around 7 or 8 while watching The Shining (that scene where the woman comes out of the tub and is naked... the trick was watching it and pausing+rewinding JUST before she changes into that ugly nasty witch thing while dancing with Jack Torrance).
Not long later I found a VHS tape in an apartment building and picked it up out of curiosity after visiting a friend and brought it home. To my surprise it turned out to be 12 hours of porn! Oh I had much fun sneaking to the t.v. at night after my parents fell asleep to watch it in private (I was around 9 or 10). It was vanilla stuff, mostly softcore lesbian scenes... but that was enough to sate me at the time because since I was so young and knew very little of sex and hadn't really talked about it much with anyone (when I had heard a neighborhood girl say something about a vagina and asked my mom what it was, I can remember her saying, "I don't know, sounds like Spanish!") it felt taboo... "naughty," I didn't know much about what I was doing, but I sort of had a feeling that I "shouldn't" be doing it and that made me want to do it more. It helped me learn early on that the plain stuff... like guys just fucking girls, didn't do much for me... the scenes I liked most were the ones that featured analingus. But there was no BDSM to speak of.
Then at around age 11 I got my first computer... and it was all downhill from there. The internet opened me up to a whole big world of porn... I still had a feeling that what I was doing was "taboo" or somehow "wrong," so I tried my best to hide it from my parents. There were a couple incidents where I got caught... like a popup that covered the whole screen that I couldn't close... I told my dad about it and he sat me down and talked... telling me it was OK and stuff and that he'll keep it between us and not to tell my mother. Whenever my mother found anything, she'd be quite mad, but he'd calm her down and say it's normal... or ask her to send it to him (after they got divorced) so he can see for himself. I would still mostly look at vanilla stuff... mostly lesbians, anal, asslicking... I knew I liked the "dirty" stuff, but I didn't really know why or understand it yet.
I had seen BDSM stuff passing over thumbnails... but most of the popular/prevalent stuff at the time was Mdom / Fsub which didn't really pique my interest at all, I had grown up being taught to respect women (which would soon clash with how many girls I met actually wanted to be treated). It wasn't until I was in 8th grade, late 13 or early/mid 14 that I saw a woman walking a man on a leash and collar (he was walking upright, not on his hands and knees) at a local fair that I found femdom. I didn't know what it was, I didn't know why, but I was JEALOUS. I wanted her... or someone... anyone to do that to me!
When I got home I took to the internet faster than a sprinter hearing the gunshot go off... I couldn't get enough. Asslicking, facesitting, consensual non-consent, pegging, bondage, whipping/flogging/caning, pet-play... the dirtier/more taboo the better. I started with visual porn, but quickly discovered I preferred reading sex stories since they allowed me to better understand the emotional and psychological aspects to it instead of just the physical/visual. Stories where the women owned men as 24/7 slaves got me so hot and bothered... but I didn't think I'd ever actually experience it. The thought scared me... I wanted to submit, but I was so headstrong in life and even liked having control over some things (like running/organizing events, being "president" over things in school, etc) that I didn't know if I could handle it. Having every aspect of my life controlled. Not only that, but some of these stories described absolutely horrific things... I wasn't too into the ultra-extreme like horrible torture designed to really damage or maim someone, using their slaves as human toilets (the complete submission aspect of this I could understand, but the reality of the act itself grossed me out), forcing sex-changes on their slaves... the women described in a lot of these stories sounded like despicable, disgusting, hateful people. I hadn't discovered the "loving" side of BDSM yet, which was horribly under-represented on the internet and in porn at the time... and I didn't really like it just for the sake of cruelty and human torment.
Not long after I got into my first relationship. I knew I wanted to try some kink, but she'd have no part in it. She was completely vanilla and quite the opposite of dominant/confident, she was so self-conscious she wouldn't even let me eat her out. Missionary with the lights off, always. I got bored with the sex fast, but we had been friends before we got together and got along great so the relationship lasted for months... just shy of a year I think. Then came my second long term relationship. She was more experimental and introduced me to the "loving" side of BDSM, but submitting 24/7 horrified me because in a lot of ways I was more intelligent than her... and I couldn't have someone dumber than me trying to control me. Not to mention she was unstable mentally, and often put me through some pretty tough experiences, to say the least. We were passionate, though, and broke up and got back together often, but after 3 years we both had had enough.
After this I was quite jaded. I felt at times like I didn't want to be submissive anymore... Like I never wanted to let someone do the things she'd done to me again. How could I let someone control me so completely, only to just hurt me so deeply? I tried to do the "go out and get laid" thing, but that was never for me. I didn't enjoy it, I needed an emotional connection with my partner and vanilla sex doesn't do it for me. I don't feel comfortable asking someone I don't feel very close to and trust completely to dominate me. That was my mistake with the previous relationship, asking her to dominate me before I knew her well. But at the time I thought it was asking her to dominate me at all.
Without having my sexual submissive nature satisfied... I looked for satisfaction in non-sexual areas of my life. I'd try to please friends and family as best I could... I'd be too generous. Too giving. I'd do almost any task asked of me and I was commonly taken advantage of. Over time I started coming to grips with the fact that I was submissive and always would be... that I'd always want a woman to control me and guide me, but that I just needed one that was capable. That I'm a strong, proud, intelligent person who needs an even stronger, prouder, more intelligent person to control him... just any average "pro" domme or woman who wants to dominate the occasional stranger on a weekend wouldn't do. I had tried being dominated NSA, it didn't work for me.
I spent a long time looking. Putting myself out there and being rejected, meeting women and deeming them unsatisfactory... It was hard finding one that stood up to my character-standards (honesty, loyalty, etc) but would also have the same interests as me. I still wasn't absolutely positive I wanted to be dominated 24/7, but I knew I wanted to be in a relationship with a dominant woman who would dominate me well and dominate me often. I never wanted any form of "role reversal" or anything like that, but maybe submissive in the bedroom and a little less so out of it.
Eventually, I got to the point where I gave up looking. I figured there wasn't a "perfect" woman out there for me. It hurt at first, but I got used to it. I took time to focus on myself, which was actually much needed and did me well. Sorted out areas of my life that had completely deteriorated. In a lot of ways, rebuilt myself and made myself stronger. Just going about my business. Occasionally I'd see a glance, that look that says "I want you," the signs that a woman's interested... but I'd ignore them. I'd always think, "If you only knew what I would want you to do to me, you'd run the opposite direction" and go about my business.
Then... out of fucking nowhere... I met her. Maybe it was because neither of us were really "putting ourselves out there," so to speak... openly looking for someone. Maybe it was because I had taken a long siesta from looking and had improved myself and became confident in my wants/desires... I don't know. But I set eyes on her, and the rest is history. It was like lightning struck, from the second I saw her I knew she was something special, she exudes sexuality and drips confidence. She speaks with a ferocity rarely seen, you know that she's not some lost little girl without a care in the world... she knows what she wants and she knows how to get it. When in her presence it's like a trance, hypnotized. Getting to know her has been an awesome journey and each day's a blessing. Every time I discover something new about her, it's as thrilling as uncovering some great mystery.
We started speaking and soon saw we had scores of things in common, from sexuality to life experiences to non-sexual interests... It's almost like in terms of personality, sense of humor, and interests that we're mirror images of one another. But it's baffling... not only is she such a beautiful person inside, but she's drop-dead sexy outside as well. Alluring, adorable, tantalizing, enticing facial features with powerfully emotive expressions all perched atop a picture-perfect svelte physique with overbearing body language. It's intimidating and exhilarating at the same time and knowing she's way out of my league (she even works in the fucking entertainment industry [not adult entertainment]. WTF? I don't know what it is, but apparently I did something that made the big man upstairs REALLY happy) and it only makes it all the easier and pleasurable submitting to such a presence.
After just a handful of conversations / meetings with her I knew I wanted to be hers. And because of how kind, caring, giving, loving, and just sweet she can be... how honest and loyal she is... she made me feel entirely at ease. She calmed any worries I had had about being in a 24/7 relationship... it was no longer under consideration it was definite... I didn't want to just get a nut off on the weekends and then walk away... I wanted to be at her feet all the time. To please her constantly, do whatever she wants me to, to be her little slut/bitch/foo-foo dog/baby boy/pet/bend over boyfriend and love every fucking minute of it and that's exactly what I'm doing.
I'd never had imagined it would be this... perfect. It's the best decision I've ever made, by far... (submitting to her 24/7). The joy it brings me to see a smile on her gorgeous face, or here that pretty little lilting laughter... oh, there's nothing else like it. She's so addicting... more than any drug out there... when I'm not with her I'm fiending hard, I can't take it... I need more. I'd do more and worse things than any crackhead or heroin addict to have her, to appease her, to please her... She's the light of my life and serving her has been so healing, so liberating, so just fucking perfect that I thank my lucky stars and God and all potential powers that be that she's in my life and loves me. I can't imagine my life without her... I never want to go back to the way things were before I met her...
I don't make good decisions and I can't be left alone to act as I please... having her to tell me what to do and lead me and guide me and punish me if I stray from the path is so... comforting. It's like I know everything will be better than just OK, everything will be excellent, amazing, perfect if I just listen to her and keep her happy. Life couldn't be simpler! Do what Mistress says and life is perfect. Before I had no idea what to do... now I know.
So yeah... I couldn't be happier with serving my Mistress 24/7, but it took me a long time to come to that decision. Ultimately, had I not met her I don't think I'd have ever made the leap. She just made me feel so comfortable, I trust her so much and know that no harm will come of me. No one else made me feel this way, made me feel like I NEEDED to serve her. So if you're thinking about making the leap to 24/7, but are worried/unsure... I'd say if you love your potential Mistress/Master completely and unconditionally... if you always want to make them happy and if he/she is truly a good person with your interest in mind not just their own... then it will be an amazing experience. There are however some very cruel people out there who are truly only in it for themselves... I have a loving relationship with my Mistress and wouldn't want it any other way... so just be careful and try to protect yourself while you're getting to know them and don't jump in until you're sure that they're great and won't hurt you... unless you're into the extreme/cruelty but I don't know how anyone could be... When you're REALLY being punished not "funished," you're not going to enjoy it... at least I don't. Not physically, anyways... emotionally and mentally I do since it's what must be done for displeasing my Mistress and to make her happy again... But yeah. Serving her has made me the happiest I've EVER been and probably ever will be... And because of that, because of how much I love her, need her, care about her, want her, think about her, and desire her... I'll never leave her and never hurt her. She's done so much for me in such a short time... more than anyone else has and I know I can never repay her for that, but I hope serving her 'til I die completely and fully would be a good start.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Safety/Comfort
I've never felt more safe, more confident in the future... more comfortable with myself, where I am, what I'm doing, and with who I'm with than I do with my Mistress. And I don't mean exclusively sexually... but the sexual chemistry helps. Like... there's no more content moment than snuggling in her arms and maybe suckling her breast... not as a means to an end or a way to work up to anything "more," just feeling completely comfortable and safe in that moment and wanting to stay there forever... just lightly sucking and enjoying the warmth in my mouth and through my body of just being with her.
Or even more "harsh" seeming things, that you wouldn't think would conjure up feelings of security... Like the more s/m oriented stuff like say... being choked or smothered by her. But that makes me feel safe too as exhilarating as it is... it's also like between surrendering the control to her and she enjoys it just as much as I do, but she'll never abuse it or REALLY hurt me... I don't know how to explain it, but I wouldn't just ask anyone to completely cut off my air supply and leave me like that 'til I can't possibly take any more... I've got to really trust the person and knowing that I can trust her like that... with my life. People say, "I trust him/her" with my life all the time, but I literally do, it's just so comforting. Better than any security blanket or team of armed guards.
Then there's the bondage... depending on the situation/context being tied up or handcuffed could be absolutely horrifying, one of the worst experiences of your life. You're so vulnerable... completely unable to protect yourself... But I WANT her to immobilize me because I need no protection against her, she can and will do whatever she wants with me... being blindfolded makes it all the better... I don't even care if I can see what she's doing or not. Just surrendering everything to her... Hell she doesn't even have to touch me, I'd enjoy it even if she bound, blinded, and gagged me and then just read a book to me.
Because even just the sound of her voice is an enormous comfort and causes me to want to submit... the things she says, the way she says them... it's the sweetest music on earth. Every inflection, instruction, tease, threat, comment, question, demand... I can never get enough of it I can talk with her for hours and hours and hours. Days. Hell I don't even have to talk, I could just listen to her without even getting to interact and I'd love it.
Just being in her presence... it's like she fills me with a warmth, knowing that I'm hers. It's like she's all I ever wanted, I just didn't know it yet. Every moment's extraordinary even the simple/little/everyday things. When I ask her how she's doing/feels/is I actually CARE about and want to hear the answer... I'm dying to hear it. And when she's happy? Oh my God. Life couldn't be better.
I just feel bad sometimes because this intense comfort relaxes me so much. Like a baby with its binky... sometime's I'll get so comfortable I fall asleep. Now, not usually through the intense/demanding stuff like being beaten, bound, and pushed to my limits. But for example... when suckling her breast or when laying with her, holding in an enema. The anticipation of what's to come afterwards excites and thrills me... but having her hold me and love me and whisper encouragement... just feeling so intimate with/connected to her overpowers me. The relaxation, the love, the anticipation... it's like it's too much for me to handle all at once and I drift off... it happens almost every time. I don't want her to think I'm bored, or disinterested... that couldn't be farther from the truth I love everything she does to me and want her to do anything she wants... but idk it's like swinging in a hammock on a warm, but mild spring afternoon and as the sun sets on you it warms you from all over... almost from inside out. I can't help it... like clockwork during the rinse cycle I drift off because she's so good.
I never felt like this before. I never felt completely trusting of someone else and even dependent upon them. I always just relied on myself and felt like everyone I've trusted has betrayed it... It's so intense just giving up that control, that trust... that it gets me teary sometimes, and other times just makes me want to pass out. I can't explain it... it has a profound effect on me and moves me to my limits. It's like my brain has to shut down everything going on around me and all my voluntary functions to process the mindfuck that's been given to it by the existence of such a perfect woman for me... which I had thought didn't exist for most of my life. I guess it's sort of like seeing God... finding a "soul mate" had that mystical aspect to it, and now I feel like I have found mine. It's just insane.
Or even more "harsh" seeming things, that you wouldn't think would conjure up feelings of security... Like the more s/m oriented stuff like say... being choked or smothered by her. But that makes me feel safe too as exhilarating as it is... it's also like between surrendering the control to her and she enjoys it just as much as I do, but she'll never abuse it or REALLY hurt me... I don't know how to explain it, but I wouldn't just ask anyone to completely cut off my air supply and leave me like that 'til I can't possibly take any more... I've got to really trust the person and knowing that I can trust her like that... with my life. People say, "I trust him/her" with my life all the time, but I literally do, it's just so comforting. Better than any security blanket or team of armed guards.
Then there's the bondage... depending on the situation/context being tied up or handcuffed could be absolutely horrifying, one of the worst experiences of your life. You're so vulnerable... completely unable to protect yourself... But I WANT her to immobilize me because I need no protection against her, she can and will do whatever she wants with me... being blindfolded makes it all the better... I don't even care if I can see what she's doing or not. Just surrendering everything to her... Hell she doesn't even have to touch me, I'd enjoy it even if she bound, blinded, and gagged me and then just read a book to me.
Because even just the sound of her voice is an enormous comfort and causes me to want to submit... the things she says, the way she says them... it's the sweetest music on earth. Every inflection, instruction, tease, threat, comment, question, demand... I can never get enough of it I can talk with her for hours and hours and hours. Days. Hell I don't even have to talk, I could just listen to her without even getting to interact and I'd love it.
Just being in her presence... it's like she fills me with a warmth, knowing that I'm hers. It's like she's all I ever wanted, I just didn't know it yet. Every moment's extraordinary even the simple/little/everyday things. When I ask her how she's doing/feels/is I actually CARE about and want to hear the answer... I'm dying to hear it. And when she's happy? Oh my God. Life couldn't be better.
I just feel bad sometimes because this intense comfort relaxes me so much. Like a baby with its binky... sometime's I'll get so comfortable I fall asleep. Now, not usually through the intense/demanding stuff like being beaten, bound, and pushed to my limits. But for example... when suckling her breast or when laying with her, holding in an enema. The anticipation of what's to come afterwards excites and thrills me... but having her hold me and love me and whisper encouragement... just feeling so intimate with/connected to her overpowers me. The relaxation, the love, the anticipation... it's like it's too much for me to handle all at once and I drift off... it happens almost every time. I don't want her to think I'm bored, or disinterested... that couldn't be farther from the truth I love everything she does to me and want her to do anything she wants... but idk it's like swinging in a hammock on a warm, but mild spring afternoon and as the sun sets on you it warms you from all over... almost from inside out. I can't help it... like clockwork during the rinse cycle I drift off because she's so good.
I never felt like this before. I never felt completely trusting of someone else and even dependent upon them. I always just relied on myself and felt like everyone I've trusted has betrayed it... It's so intense just giving up that control, that trust... that it gets me teary sometimes, and other times just makes me want to pass out. I can't explain it... it has a profound effect on me and moves me to my limits. It's like my brain has to shut down everything going on around me and all my voluntary functions to process the mindfuck that's been given to it by the existence of such a perfect woman for me... which I had thought didn't exist for most of my life. I guess it's sort of like seeing God... finding a "soul mate" had that mystical aspect to it, and now I feel like I have found mine. It's just insane.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Complete Control, Total Surrender/Capitulation
Seems to be I surrender more of myself to my Mistress with every passing day. I love her more than I've ever loved anyone or anything, so I'm always at my upper limit... it feels like I couldn't possibly love her anymore than I do because I already love her so much... I don't know what "more" is or what it feels like. But each day it gets pushed, I love her a little more than the last. She has a little more control over me...
Which is just as exhilarating because I likewise feel like she already has complete control, that I'd do anything for her and she owns every last bit of me, mind, body, soul... yet each day I feel somehow more powerless, helpless, obsessed. I guess it's like, though I'd already do anything to make her happy... I keep discovering/realizing specific new things I'd do for her that I wouldn't for anyone else. I get more willing to do those "unpleasant" things or even start wanting to do them / thinking I'll enjoy them because it would make her happy.
It's like I'm a clay/putty in her hands. Even though she's always been able to warp me into whatever shape she wants and do anything with me that she wants... in the beginning... fresh out the package, completely unmolded, unmolested... fresh out the box, still in a square... I was stiff, maybe even a little resistant to the touch. But she fixed that, and whipped me right into shape quick... Each time she morphs me and changes me, works me and kneads me, it gets easier. I get softer. I want her touch that much more... I can't wait until she makes me perfect... until I'm the exact shape, design, patter, mold etc. that she wants and she can fire me up in the kiln, preserving me that way for eternity.
Maybe that's the pinnacle, the point when she has complete control, when I've totally surrendered. When she fires up the kiln. Burns herself into me... the template she wants me to fit. When there's no going back... when she collars me. I'm sure our relationship will still grow, I'll still learn and change as a person slightly under her hand... but I don't think it will be major changes. It will be like painting/repainting the figurine... putting on different clothes... different accessories, just small alterations clay statuettes undergo here and there to satisfy her whims and desires.
But I'll be molded and formed exactly how she wants me. I think that's when my "training" will be complete and the REAL fun will begin... I don't know if I could love her "more" after that point... after I officially vow my complete, permanent devotion to her. I don't know... I guess it will grow in time, but I don't think there'd really be any other rewards, punishments, exercises, etc. that could increase my feeling at that point... It's like the collaring is graduation... You'll still learn things afterward, but you've got the majority of the info ingrained and you're just improving upon it, perfecting techniques, expanding experiences... moving on from the learning and mentoring stage to me actually "doing my job." Being a pro... knowing what needs to be done and what she wants me to do always without her telling me and morphing me... Like a dog completing obedience school you'll still "learn" and sort of receive some "training" on the go just by doing things that need to be done, but she won't have to sit down and specifically teach and train me... I'll just get better as we go.
I can't wait. I want it so bad... Not just to be hers forever, but I want to be so perfect for her... I want to be so whipped I anticipate and get ready to do what she wants before she even wants it so the instant she makes a demand of me I fulfill it. I want to be the best slave/pet/bend over boyfriend/whore/slut etc of all time for her. I want there to be stories, poems, and songs written about my love for her and how completely and utterly I serve her and am devoted to her. I don't want to do anything else except for what Mistress wants. I want no "leisure," no "alone time," I just want to be hers and my whole life to be spent pleasing her and doing nothing else. I'm her puppydog. Sitting patiently, excitedly, longingly at the door when she leaves, staring at it the entire time trying to wish/will her back with conviction and going completely nuts when she does get back, jumping up and down, so thrilled just to be in her presence, to love her and be loved by her.
It's what I want more than anything. More than money, more than "women" (I just want her, my Mistress... I don't want to "go out and get laid all the time," have sex with hundreds of whores/sluts etc....) I don't want a "dominant" that keeps a few slaves non-24/7 and just satisfies each others sexual desires rather than really having complete ownership and full control over them to the point they'd do anything for their Mistress and then has normal vanilla sex with other guys and maybe even submits to them. I want to be completely devoted to my Mistress. I don't want children because they'd demand my attention away from her. I don't want hobbies, I want her to be my hobby. I ideally don't even want us to have to do real "work," making profitable investments or owning businesses you can step back from and just manage and check on would be ideal or doing something like in the entertainment industry or something flexible that you can leave/step away from to devote time to other things. Teaching at a public school, if nothing else, to at least spend summers with her. Maybe move to alaska to get paid just to live there. I want even my dying thoughts to be of her. I want to be hers forever... FOREVER. I'd even sell my soul to her, if possible.
This is my life. This is what I want. At highschool reunions when asked what I do, I want to just say, "Please Mistress, make her happy, tend to her every need and desire. Care for her, love her, spend every waking minute she'll allow me to with her. It's a full-time commitment so I don't work, I don't go/hang out with people, I just do what she wants me to and love every fucking minute of it. Couldn't be happier. What do you do? Fight with your wife and yell at your kids? Look for a cure for cancer? Oh yeah my Mistress got it a couple years ago and I cleared it right up lickety split."
I've never been into "financial domination," I always considered it a euphemism for prostitution... but idk. My Mistress owns me 24/7, it's not like I'm taking some slut shopping once or twice a month and in exchange she slaps and teases me, maybe has sex with me. But she owns me. I'm hers... her possession, her toy. So I feel like, by proxy, she owns everything I did before I met her... like I used to own my body, my mind, my soul, etc... but now she does. I and everything I am and everything I have is now hers and whatever she wants material, physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual, intellectual... I'll give her.
So... while I feel like I'm completely devoted... I know it will grow. I'm as devoted as I can get/make myself/choose to be... I want to do everything to her... but her training, her direction, her guidance will make me involuntarily even more devoted. It's not something I can control, because she controls me and as she manipulates (not in a bad/derogatory way) me into what she wants, she'll make me even more devoted and the collaring will complete the process, the journey... I'll have arrived at my destination and I plan to stay forever.
Which is just as exhilarating because I likewise feel like she already has complete control, that I'd do anything for her and she owns every last bit of me, mind, body, soul... yet each day I feel somehow more powerless, helpless, obsessed. I guess it's like, though I'd already do anything to make her happy... I keep discovering/realizing specific new things I'd do for her that I wouldn't for anyone else. I get more willing to do those "unpleasant" things or even start wanting to do them / thinking I'll enjoy them because it would make her happy.
It's like I'm a clay/putty in her hands. Even though she's always been able to warp me into whatever shape she wants and do anything with me that she wants... in the beginning... fresh out the package, completely unmolded, unmolested... fresh out the box, still in a square... I was stiff, maybe even a little resistant to the touch. But she fixed that, and whipped me right into shape quick... Each time she morphs me and changes me, works me and kneads me, it gets easier. I get softer. I want her touch that much more... I can't wait until she makes me perfect... until I'm the exact shape, design, patter, mold etc. that she wants and she can fire me up in the kiln, preserving me that way for eternity.
Maybe that's the pinnacle, the point when she has complete control, when I've totally surrendered. When she fires up the kiln. Burns herself into me... the template she wants me to fit. When there's no going back... when she collars me. I'm sure our relationship will still grow, I'll still learn and change as a person slightly under her hand... but I don't think it will be major changes. It will be like painting/repainting the figurine... putting on different clothes... different accessories, just small alterations clay statuettes undergo here and there to satisfy her whims and desires.
But I'll be molded and formed exactly how she wants me. I think that's when my "training" will be complete and the REAL fun will begin... I don't know if I could love her "more" after that point... after I officially vow my complete, permanent devotion to her. I don't know... I guess it will grow in time, but I don't think there'd really be any other rewards, punishments, exercises, etc. that could increase my feeling at that point... It's like the collaring is graduation... You'll still learn things afterward, but you've got the majority of the info ingrained and you're just improving upon it, perfecting techniques, expanding experiences... moving on from the learning and mentoring stage to me actually "doing my job." Being a pro... knowing what needs to be done and what she wants me to do always without her telling me and morphing me... Like a dog completing obedience school you'll still "learn" and sort of receive some "training" on the go just by doing things that need to be done, but she won't have to sit down and specifically teach and train me... I'll just get better as we go.
I can't wait. I want it so bad... Not just to be hers forever, but I want to be so perfect for her... I want to be so whipped I anticipate and get ready to do what she wants before she even wants it so the instant she makes a demand of me I fulfill it. I want to be the best slave/pet/bend over boyfriend/whore/slut etc of all time for her. I want there to be stories, poems, and songs written about my love for her and how completely and utterly I serve her and am devoted to her. I don't want to do anything else except for what Mistress wants. I want no "leisure," no "alone time," I just want to be hers and my whole life to be spent pleasing her and doing nothing else. I'm her puppydog. Sitting patiently, excitedly, longingly at the door when she leaves, staring at it the entire time trying to wish/will her back with conviction and going completely nuts when she does get back, jumping up and down, so thrilled just to be in her presence, to love her and be loved by her.
It's what I want more than anything. More than money, more than "women" (I just want her, my Mistress... I don't want to "go out and get laid all the time," have sex with hundreds of whores/sluts etc....) I don't want a "dominant" that keeps a few slaves non-24/7 and just satisfies each others sexual desires rather than really having complete ownership and full control over them to the point they'd do anything for their Mistress and then has normal vanilla sex with other guys and maybe even submits to them. I want to be completely devoted to my Mistress. I don't want children because they'd demand my attention away from her. I don't want hobbies, I want her to be my hobby. I ideally don't even want us to have to do real "work," making profitable investments or owning businesses you can step back from and just manage and check on would be ideal or doing something like in the entertainment industry or something flexible that you can leave/step away from to devote time to other things. Teaching at a public school, if nothing else, to at least spend summers with her. Maybe move to alaska to get paid just to live there. I want even my dying thoughts to be of her. I want to be hers forever... FOREVER. I'd even sell my soul to her, if possible.
This is my life. This is what I want. At highschool reunions when asked what I do, I want to just say, "Please Mistress, make her happy, tend to her every need and desire. Care for her, love her, spend every waking minute she'll allow me to with her. It's a full-time commitment so I don't work, I don't go/hang out with people, I just do what she wants me to and love every fucking minute of it. Couldn't be happier. What do you do? Fight with your wife and yell at your kids? Look for a cure for cancer? Oh yeah my Mistress got it a couple years ago and I cleared it right up lickety split."
I've never been into "financial domination," I always considered it a euphemism for prostitution... but idk. My Mistress owns me 24/7, it's not like I'm taking some slut shopping once or twice a month and in exchange she slaps and teases me, maybe has sex with me. But she owns me. I'm hers... her possession, her toy. So I feel like, by proxy, she owns everything I did before I met her... like I used to own my body, my mind, my soul, etc... but now she does. I and everything I am and everything I have is now hers and whatever she wants material, physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual, intellectual... I'll give her.
So... while I feel like I'm completely devoted... I know it will grow. I'm as devoted as I can get/make myself/choose to be... I want to do everything to her... but her training, her direction, her guidance will make me involuntarily even more devoted. It's not something I can control, because she controls me and as she manipulates (not in a bad/derogatory way) me into what she wants, she'll make me even more devoted and the collaring will complete the process, the journey... I'll have arrived at my destination and I plan to stay forever.
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