Sub Frenzy

This post will probably be a little shorter than regular... and definitely at least more brief than yesterday's.

I wanted to touch on Sub Frenzy, my experience(s) as a sub, and how the two topics apply to my current d/s relationship.

Sub Frenzy, if you're unaware, is basically the eager feeling(s) a new sub is going through when discovering his/her sexuality and how BDSM fits into it...  It's understandable... it's exciting to unearth new things you didn't know about yourself and discover who you REALLY are.  This can be bad; however, since such excitement, elation, and eagerness can lead subs to make some bad choices.  It's not safe or wise to rush into a BDSM relationship... (I sort of feel like it's not safe to rush into any relationship, but especially one where you'll be "playing with fire..." perhaps even literally!) you've got to take some time to really get to know your partner, let your partner get to know you... your likes/dislikes, your limits.  You've got to trust one another, you've got to be comfortable in the person's sanity, etc.  You don't want someone with hidden or latent psychological problems with little BDSM experience tying you up, then having some traumatic experience triggered and deep issues brought to the forefront and taking them out on you.

After finding someone and having a coffee, a short conversation, and trading 3 emails (many of which people pre-write) with generic information... you don't really know them well enough to let them tie you up and torture you.  You've no idea if s/he will respect your limits or push you far beyond them, if they care if they permanently scar and damage you physically, emotionally, and psychologically.

I've said in the blog that I had little/no experience a few times.  I wanted to take this time to clarify.  I've never had an experience quite like this/so good/so intense.  I was in a 3 year (on and off) vanilla relationship that turned heavy d/s / wound up incorporating a lot of d/s elements as we explored each other and our likes/dislikes.  Neither of us were "experienced."  I suppose I had sub frenzy, then, and I did wind up getting hurt by her again and again.  She was no where near as all-encompassing as my current Mistress, no where near as caring, no where near as loving, nowhere near as trustworthy... I could go on all day, but basically  take a positive quality of either one of them and that quality on my Mistress far surpasses my ex's.  Take a negative quality or fault, and on my Mistress its either not present or much less.

Then, I also had a few hookups with a fairly experienced Domme.  But it was just bedroom play.  No relationship, no psychological/emotional ownership (no real ownership of any kind.  just light, easy play).  She knew what she was doing and was comfortable with herself, had a variety of toys, and seemed to genuinely like dominating and even was into some of the fetishes I was.  But I have never really been looking for just a simple nsa hookup.  I tried it... but it wasn't really for me.

Now I've found my Mistress and girlfriend.  And I'm in love with her.  Honestly I think I'd have fallen for her even if one of us weren't into BDSM.  We have so fucking much in common, we get along so great together, she's just so damn perfect.  I know a lot of things I say are quite dramatic and over the top, but that's because I feel quite dramatic and over the top.  But looking back on my past experiences (I was into femdom / had discovered BDSM before that first relationship, just hadn't experienced it) I know it's not sub frenzy.  Honestly, judging by how I felt about that first relationship and knowing how I feel now, THAT first relationship was sub frenzy.  I let her walk all over me and do so many things to me I should have never done...  Because we weren't experienced she didn't know how to fulfill my needs and I didn't know how to guide her...  She wound up always taking advantage of me and stomping on my heart in the process, but I wound up just staying and taking it.

Anyway.  I love my Mistress.  I REALLY LOVE her.  Every last little thing about her, from her little laugh to the boom of her screamvoice to the curve and smell of her... well, you get the idea.  I've got more life and sexual experience than I did in my first relationship, got a better footing on the ground, and feel a lot better about myself and my sexuality.