Also... I'd like to add that part of trusting my Mistress is that I realize, know, and accept that she knows BEST for me and for us. She really does. That's why I'm in a female-led relationship. I've made bad decisions. I've done bad things. I'm a procrastinator. I'm a slut (when not locked down in a d/s relationship... then I'm just lecherous)... I won't fuck just anybody but if I'm not being controlled I'm not satisfied and keep looking. I need her.
Here's my post (a little edited):
This reply is coming after XXXXXXX post, but I want to
specify it is not directed solely at him, but to others as well... First off I want to thank you all for your
advice, I know you thought I was seeking/needing help and that I'm a lost
little boy without a clue what he's doing or what he's gotten himself into and
she's a big bad Mistress who's manipulating me and forcing me to do things that
I would never do and I never wanted to happen... But that couldn't be FURTHER
from the truth. None of that has even a
shred of accuracy. (Maybe I exaggerated
a bit, but even toned down it's not true).
But really I know some of you had good intentions, but I just thought
things like being rude to my Mistress and making psychological health
assessments were uncalled for.
I should have also specified that I wasn't really looking to
have every little detail of my relationship or my psyche analyzed and my mental
and emotional health evaluated, if I was looking for that I'd have gone to a
psychiatrist. Because of this, I didn't
give out every last little detail of my personal and romantic life in my
OP. Give an average joe a computer,
internet, show him wikipedia, and introduce him to message boards and suddenly
he becomes the world's premier expert on every topic from the best tasting anal
sex lubricant for when you want to switch back and forth between rimming and
fucking, to ancient babylonian calligraphy and everything inbetween. I was looking more to discuss (i.e./that
is... not be judged) my situation and similar experiences others have had...
what made yours work and what pitfalls did you run into? "What can I do," was so vague it
was vivid in its vagueness and I apologize for that. I understand also that, "Can you offer
advice," was very vague, too... But I wasn't looking to have me and my
partner judged psychologically and as people based off of 4 paragraphs and
maybe 5 or 6 sentences she wrote, that's just silly. I was more looking to compare/talk about
experiences like what YYYYYYYY did (though I didn't appreciate the
unhealthy remark 'cause as I said... not what I was really looking for). I don’t post on forums for health advice
(mental or otherwise)… I go to healthcare professionals for that. I should have specified that the advice I was
looking for was like, “What can I do to make a loving d/s relationship work,”
or “What mistakes should I avoid in a loving d/s relationship,” and “What good
things can I do?”
That being said... when I said I was in a D/S relationship I
didn't mean I have a girlfriend or bushels of fuck buddies and then 1 weekend a
month, 2 weeks a year I spend with my Mistress.
This isn't the fucktoy reserves.
I'm her bend over boyfriend.
That's also not to say we're some couple that met at a christian punch
and crackers mixer then read 50 Grades of Bullshit and decided we wanted to
experiment beyond respectful, planned missionary at an agreed upon time/date
under the covers with the lights off for procreational purposes. Speaking for myself... I struck up a
conversation, became intrigued then conversed, conversed, and conversed some
more... then repeated, repeated, repeated, and the rest is history. Yes... I am her slave, bend over boyfriend,
fucktoy, object of amusement, dancing jester, slut, whore, her sexual tongue
flaps, her lover of face-slaps, her ass to destroy, her little baby boy. We'll never be on equal ground, she'll always
be above me... But this isn't a paid service.
This isn't a fling. We see each
other as real people, real people with emotional attachment... not just sources
of fantasy fulfillment. It's a
female-led relationship with all the works.
We have a lot of common.
I love her, not just for bedroom antics, but for every last little thing
about her (and some big things, too). I
mean it when I say that, I could list every last little thing that makes her
who she is, but frankly, after some people's reaction(s) towards her some of
you honestly don't deserve to know. Of
course I've spoken to the person I'm in love with about me being in love with
her. We've spoken about it at
length. You really think, as a rational
person, knowing that 90% of people on the internet are not only completely full
of BS, but actually think they know everything and are pretty damn good
bullshitters who will try to convince, often successfully, everyone that they
actually know what they're talking about, that I would look to THOSE GUYS above
the person I'm in love with (and look up to and am guided by and cared for by
and that I trust, etc...) for advice on something I KNOW they know nothing
about, that they never could? I not only
love my Mistress, but I trust her. So
very much. She doesn't know every last
single story of my life (we're getting there), but she does know everything
about how I operate, my emotions, my needs, my desires, my likes/dislikes, my
past pains and traumas and how they're affecting me now. I had low self-esteem before I ever met my
Mistress and she's helping me get past that so fucking much. Part of why I feel so dependent upon her is
because I haven't felt this alive, this good, this confident, this whole (as a
whole person), in YEARS. She's been
doing a lot of good and a lot of work healing me.
That being said, I don't appreciate being patronized. I'm young, but I'm not a child. I've been around the block a few times and I
know the breaks. I know I said she was
perfect, but what I didn't say was that she has never done anything that could
ever even be remotely considered "wrong," or "bad," or
"a mistake," or that in hindsight she should maybe not have
done. I didn't say she isn't human, that
she's a machine programmed to be functionally perfect, impossibly efficient,
unbreakable, impossible to deter or distract from completing her mission,
etc... She's not a machine and I
wouldn't want her if she was. Of course
she has faults I'm not an idiot. Nor am
I a child. Nor have I never been in a
relationship. But hey, remember when I
said that I'm in love with her? That she
is "perfect FOR ME?" Are you
familiar with the concept that if you love someone, you won't just love them
for their strengths/what makes them great, but for their faults as well? She's obviously not a machine, nor is she
omniscient and omnipotent. But she IS
perfect for me. In every way. While she's not full of faults or isn't
defined by them like the San Andreas Fault, she might have a couple teeny tiny
ones. Maybe. :P Her faults bring us closer... faults give us
experience, faults teach us lessons, faults make us who we are. We can't live without faults. A person who is never faulty is a person who
is never perfect. A person without
faults probably has a vapid personality.
Her faults help her understand mine and help me with them.
Stop villainizing her.
She didn't force me into this.
She isn't manipulating me. She
isn't taking advantage of me. She didn't
tie me up and batter me, screaming, "LOVE ME!!!!" until I did. You can't force someone to love you. I didn't go into this (talking with her)
looking for love... I haven't loved or wanted to love again in a LONG time. So it did happen by chance, but it wasn't
something either of us were trying to make happen, it just did. We didn't start talking by saying, "Hey
I'm looking for a partner, are you?" or anything remotely like that, we
just started talking about shit in general and my interest started growing. Soon my interest turned into liking her / admiration
for her / caring for her. From there, I
started falling for her. And now I've
splattered all over the ground into a gooey mess that they'll need a squeegee
to clean up. But that wasn't her
intention. She wasn't like, "I'm
gonna try to make this kid love me."
It just happened. She's just a
great person, we get along great, we've got a lot in common, we make each other
laugh hysterically... we have a lot of fun.
But yeah... it didn't happen instantly.
While I was starting to like her, or while I was starting to fall for
her... at any time I could have told her that she was not for me, that I was
too scared to go through with this, that I wasn't ready for a d/s relationship,
that I just wanted to bust a nut... WHATEVER... and that would have been
it. Granted I think we just work so
great together I wouldn't have done that... even though of course I did have
some concerns. There's an age
difference. I've been hurt a lot before.
(but I see now that she's nothing like the people from my past... she's nothing
like anyone I've ever met or anyone I will ever meet). I know I've a low self-esteem and
self-worth... she's helping me with that...
Not just on purpose (it does seem like she's really, honestly trying to
help me get through my issues), but just being with her makes me so fucking
happy. Gives me hope. Makes me see that... if someone as great as
her can actually like me... then I am good.
Before I met her I had been spending the past 6-7 months just working on
myself, making myself better, learning to love myself again. Because I had forgotten how. I did things I wasn't proud of, I was treated
poorly, and I started feeling sorry for myself.
It was pathetic, but I was working past it, and now that I've got
someone to help me work past it (but not someone I can't possibly appreciate
myself without... just someone I can't / dont want to be without because of how
AMAZING she is... Really. She is) I know
I'll love myself again. I'm already
starting to. She's better than any
psychiatrist I've ever had.
So yeah. STOP acting
like she's the bad guy. She's not. She's a savior. She's my heroine. She's my everything. Oh, and she was answering for me because she
knows me inside and out and I was busy.
this site isn't my fucking life. But
really, she knows/anticipates how I'm feeling and thinking, often before I even
know I'm feeling and thinking. She's
smart, intuitive, caring, yes controlling too... And even if it was like, "You're not
good enough to answer for yourself on this site" (which she never said to me)
I'm her fucking slave that's her business not yours. For real.
Any relationship takes two to tango...
Yeah I made the post, but I'm not the only one involved, the only one
with an opinion, the only one anything can be learned/gleaned from. If anything, she's more important than I am
and you could learn more from her... Really, you could learn so fucking much
from her, not just about this... but life in general, domination, whatever...
But I guess you fucked that up. Your
loss. Besides, the only one I have to
answer to is her. Stop treating me like
I don't know what I'm doing / I'm a child.
I wanted this, and really... I didn't see it before, but I see it now...
I need(ed) this.
So yeah... I appreciate those who were trying to give honest
advice and just trying to help... But to the ones who weren't... you don't have
to be so damn rude and judgmental. I
know this is the internet and it detaches you from realizing you're talking to
a human... But I'm a human. And I'm not
a little kid, I'm not naiive. But if
naivety is believing in unconditional, passionate love... and believing that
it's a good thing... then I never want to be "enlightened," I'll take
my naivety and have the time of my fucking life. :).
Thanks. But I did learn to be
VERY specific online from now on, I just never imagined that mental health
assessments, judgments on my self-esteem and self-worth, and other negative
shit would come of a thread about love.
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