Strict v. Loving Treatment

First off, readers, I apologize for my absence... Mommy and I were enjoying our "collar-moon" phase...  when her family suffered a tremendous loss.  She's been grieving/mourning and I've been trying to support her anyway I can and we've both been getting little sleep.

Today, I wanted to share my thoughts about strict dominants compared to loving Dominants... and ask you which you prefer / which you think is better.  As a Buddhist I've got to go with "The Middle Path," and say that if a Dominant knows how to utilize both styles successfully, He/She will probably get the most out of both their sub and their relationship.  But some go either one way or the other... a lot of the stricter Dom/mes seem to be almost conceited/full of their strictness... like simply being cruel in and of itself somehow makes them "more" dominant than less Draconian Dom/mes.  Others are on the opposite end of the spectrum, wanting just to control their sub, not hurt them (outside of play).

For starters... I do not think "funishment" makes a Dom/me necessarily strict, though it can.  If it's just in the context of a scene and a sub likes being brutally beaten, then a brutal beating can even be seen as "loving," in my opinion.  By strict I mean giving severely difficult - if not impossible - tasks, frequent punishments (typically severe and the kind that aren't enjoyed by the sub), few rewards, ensuring sex is enjoyed only by the Dom/me (fucking hard/brutal).  Basically using the sub ENTIRELY for their pleasure and making sure the sub's life is as miserable/unenjoyable as possible.  Chances are the Dom/me does not even like the sub as a person but even if He/She does, no care is given towards what he/she is getting out of the relationship.

This works for some people, (some Dom/mes even pride themselves for it) and some subs even want to be used in this way.  But personally, it's not for me.  And imo, it's offensive when people who enjoy this claim that other Dom/mes and subs who do not partake in this style BDSM are any less dominant or submissive (respectively) than they are because of it.  My Mommy is a WONDERFUL Domme and I will do ANYTHING, absolutely ANYTHING for her, no matter how demanding, degrading, grueling, humiliating, disgusting, et cetera.  As long as you get your sub to do what you want, you're successfully dominant.  The path you took to get there isn't important beyond it simply being an enjoyable path for you and your sub.

On the other hand... there are some Dom/mes who are always loving... they just want to be the one in control / to make the decisions in the relationship.  Some of them may not even be into BDSM per say, like not even "funishment,"/sensation play/bondage/spanking/degradation/humiliation, all that good stuff...  They just want to be on top during sex.  They'll get their subs to do what they want mostly with rewards and deprivation of those rewards.  This can be just as effective as beating someone...  after cumming everyday for a week and a half and then suddenly being cut off for a week, my balls will be so swollen I'd fuck the hole in a raw, whole chicken to orgasm if it was what my Mommy wanted me to do for her amusement.

Personally... part of why I'm so in love with my Mommy and I'll do ANYTHING for her is because she's got the best of both worlds.  She can come up with some horrible, sick, twisted, sadistic punishments - but she uses them on me when I deserve it.  She rarely punishes me in ways that I'll really hate just to do it/just for her enjoyment... and when she does she doesn't have to force me.  I want to do them because I love her and want her to be happy.

But most of the time she's very loving and sweet...  sometimes if you heard certain soundclips of us whispering our sweet nothings to each other you might even think it was a vanilla couple... Well, probably not because there's usually kinky stuff in there, "I love you so much I'd take a gallon of your urine in an enema if it would make you giggle!" but, you know... my point is I do what she wants me to because I WANT to do it because I love her.

She doesn't have to force me into anything, or persuade me with fear...  So in a way, I'd say that's even more effective domination than the brutal, militant, corporal punishment types.  No offense to those who are into that.  It's just not for us... but my Mommy's still as DOMINANT as they come, because DOMINANT doesn't mean cruel... it just means powerful/influential/commanding... and she commands the Hell out of me, better than any "cruel" Dom could.  (In fact, if anyone other than my Mommy did some of those things I've heard of the "cruel" Doms doing, I'd walk out on them... but my Mommy controls me so thoroughly, I'd actually withstand insanely horrible treatment for her).

And remember that... you only have power over your sub so long as he/she gives it to you.  Unless he/she's bound up, he can always walk out and say, "Fuck this, you're sick, I'm out."  I think the true power/control/dominance resides in the ability to make your sub WANT to do what you want them to, not just simply making them do it.  Anyone can beat a cattle to the slaughter, or cattleprod them in the direction of the slaughterhouse.  It takes a REAL pro to make them WANT to walk there, on their own, unsupervised... and even BEG for it.