(No sexual stuff yet in this part, just a setup for what's to come. Based on real experiences with my Mistress. [Though not in the same way movies are "based" on a true story. This is 100% true, but dialogue may not be accurate to a T/exact words. And mundane stuff like doing laundry or cooking etc is left out]).
Driving on 40-55 speed highways for a half hour in order to avoid tolls and dealing with narrow lanes and narrow talent Mass-hole drivers drains my energy, but not determination. Despite such resolve, anxiety, jitters, and anticipation attacks my system full force as I pull onto my Momma's street and stop. Of course there are only resident spots available and not visitor, but I'm too excited to drive around searching - I just HAVE to see her.
Fluttering fingers fumble with my phone's buttons for a few moments, forced to delete and reenter numbers several times until I get frustrated and hold down the 1 button to speed dial her. It's apt... since that's what she is to me, Number One.
"Momma, I'm on your street! I'm parked at the intersection of Mabel and Chief."
"I'll be right there, Babyboy."
She had finally invited me to stay at her home, for a whole weekend no less! Excitement bubbles in my belly, along with the butterflies. In a feeble attempt to quell them, I plant my left foot on the floor of my Hyundai, bouncing my knee so rapidly that if someone sat on my lap they would be as likely to vomit as if riding a rollercoaster on a full stomach. With sweaty hands and shaky palms I smoke a cigarette to calm my nerves; watching, waiting for her to waltz on over. Every time I see an umbrella bob above car roofs down the street, my heart leaps in my chest - only to be repeatedly disappointed. I knew she'd make me wait... I smile and imagine her procrastinating until I called her and told her I was close to start getting ready.
While lighting my second cigarette I wind up dropping my lighter... There she is! Long, dark red hair sways in the wind with every sultry step she takes - walking, as always, with purpose. Those thick, luscious lips curl into one of her equally heart-melting and alluring smiles. Adorned in comfortable clothing, she's as sexy as ever - I'm a firm believer in it's not about what's being worn, but the wearer. A simple black hoodie and jeans - but damn do they show off her full hips and lovely legs.
I pull out of my parking spot both to pick her up so she can show me a safe place to park and to keep her from having to walk all the way over, as much as I'd love to watch. Each movement has a grace and confidence seldom seen in most women - she's always full of fabulousity. When next to her I stop and lean over to push her door open. She sits and I can't help but stare somewhat awkwardly, smiling from ear to ear.
"Come here,"
Looping her finger into the O ring on my collar, she pulls me towards her and our lips lock in a passionate, firm kiss. Her tongue slips in, slides against my own, and swirls around inside my mouth, before parting with a light smacking sound.
"So... whaddya think, Babyboy?"
In a hoarse voice I almost croak, "Perfect as always, Momma!"
After bringing her to a local bakery to pick up a cake (since it was my birthday), we park back on her street and she gives me a small tour of her neighborhood. The whole time I'm thinking, "Come on... come on... wanna go back to your place.. come on. Oh I don't wanna talk to this person... Fuck that monument!" Not that it wasn't a nice neighborhood, and I wasn't interested in JUST sex... but I could not wait to spend quality time with my Mistress... one on one time... after being apart so long. After what seemed like ages we walked back to her place. She opened her door and gave me such a sexy look from over her shoulder, and beckoned me in....
(To be continued)
Breastfeeding
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Strict v. Loving Treatment
First off, readers, I apologize for my absence... Mommy and I were enjoying our "collar-moon" phase... when her family suffered a tremendous loss. She's been grieving/mourning and I've been trying to support her anyway I can and we've both been getting little sleep.
Today, I wanted to share my thoughts about strict dominants compared to loving Dominants... and ask you which you prefer / which you think is better. As a Buddhist I've got to go with "The Middle Path," and say that if a Dominant knows how to utilize both styles successfully, He/She will probably get the most out of both their sub and their relationship. But some go either one way or the other... a lot of the stricter Dom/mes seem to be almost conceited/full of their strictness... like simply being cruel in and of itself somehow makes them "more" dominant than less Draconian Dom/mes. Others are on the opposite end of the spectrum, wanting just to control their sub, not hurt them (outside of play).
For starters... I do not think "funishment" makes a Dom/me necessarily strict, though it can. If it's just in the context of a scene and a sub likes being brutally beaten, then a brutal beating can even be seen as "loving," in my opinion. By strict I mean giving severely difficult - if not impossible - tasks, frequent punishments (typically severe and the kind that aren't enjoyed by the sub), few rewards, ensuring sex is enjoyed only by the Dom/me (fucking hard/brutal). Basically using the sub ENTIRELY for their pleasure and making sure the sub's life is as miserable/unenjoyable as possible. Chances are the Dom/me does not even like the sub as a person but even if He/She does, no care is given towards what he/she is getting out of the relationship.
This works for some people, (some Dom/mes even pride themselves for it) and some subs even want to be used in this way. But personally, it's not for me. And imo, it's offensive when people who enjoy this claim that other Dom/mes and subs who do not partake in this style BDSM are any less dominant or submissive (respectively) than they are because of it. My Mommy is a WONDERFUL Domme and I will do ANYTHING, absolutely ANYTHING for her, no matter how demanding, degrading, grueling, humiliating, disgusting, et cetera. As long as you get your sub to do what you want, you're successfully dominant. The path you took to get there isn't important beyond it simply being an enjoyable path for you and your sub.
On the other hand... there are some Dom/mes who are always loving... they just want to be the one in control / to make the decisions in the relationship. Some of them may not even be into BDSM per say, like not even "funishment,"/sensation play/bondage/spanking/degradation/humiliation, all that good stuff... They just want to be on top during sex. They'll get their subs to do what they want mostly with rewards and deprivation of those rewards. This can be just as effective as beating someone... after cumming everyday for a week and a half and then suddenly being cut off for a week, my balls will be so swollen I'd fuck the hole in a raw, whole chicken to orgasm if it was what my Mommy wanted me to do for her amusement.
Personally... part of why I'm so in love with my Mommy and I'll do ANYTHING for her is because she's got the best of both worlds. She can come up with some horrible, sick, twisted, sadistic punishments - but she uses them on me when I deserve it. She rarely punishes me in ways that I'll really hate just to do it/just for her enjoyment... and when she does she doesn't have to force me. I want to do them because I love her and want her to be happy.
But most of the time she's very loving and sweet... sometimes if you heard certain soundclips of us whispering our sweet nothings to each other you might even think it was a vanilla couple... Well, probably not because there's usually kinky stuff in there, "I love you so much I'd take a gallon of your urine in an enema if it would make you giggle!" but, you know... my point is I do what she wants me to because I WANT to do it because I love her.
She doesn't have to force me into anything, or persuade me with fear... So in a way, I'd say that's even more effective domination than the brutal, militant, corporal punishment types. No offense to those who are into that. It's just not for us... but my Mommy's still as DOMINANT as they come, because DOMINANT doesn't mean cruel... it just means powerful/influential/commanding... and she commands the Hell out of me, better than any "cruel" Dom could. (In fact, if anyone other than my Mommy did some of those things I've heard of the "cruel" Doms doing, I'd walk out on them... but my Mommy controls me so thoroughly, I'd actually withstand insanely horrible treatment for her).
And remember that... you only have power over your sub so long as he/she gives it to you. Unless he/she's bound up, he can always walk out and say, "Fuck this, you're sick, I'm out." I think the true power/control/dominance resides in the ability to make your sub WANT to do what you want them to, not just simply making them do it. Anyone can beat a cattle to the slaughter, or cattleprod them in the direction of the slaughterhouse. It takes a REAL pro to make them WANT to walk there, on their own, unsupervised... and even BEG for it.
Today, I wanted to share my thoughts about strict dominants compared to loving Dominants... and ask you which you prefer / which you think is better. As a Buddhist I've got to go with "The Middle Path," and say that if a Dominant knows how to utilize both styles successfully, He/She will probably get the most out of both their sub and their relationship. But some go either one way or the other... a lot of the stricter Dom/mes seem to be almost conceited/full of their strictness... like simply being cruel in and of itself somehow makes them "more" dominant than less Draconian Dom/mes. Others are on the opposite end of the spectrum, wanting just to control their sub, not hurt them (outside of play).
For starters... I do not think "funishment" makes a Dom/me necessarily strict, though it can. If it's just in the context of a scene and a sub likes being brutally beaten, then a brutal beating can even be seen as "loving," in my opinion. By strict I mean giving severely difficult - if not impossible - tasks, frequent punishments (typically severe and the kind that aren't enjoyed by the sub), few rewards, ensuring sex is enjoyed only by the Dom/me (fucking hard/brutal). Basically using the sub ENTIRELY for their pleasure and making sure the sub's life is as miserable/unenjoyable as possible. Chances are the Dom/me does not even like the sub as a person but even if He/She does, no care is given towards what he/she is getting out of the relationship.
This works for some people, (some Dom/mes even pride themselves for it) and some subs even want to be used in this way. But personally, it's not for me. And imo, it's offensive when people who enjoy this claim that other Dom/mes and subs who do not partake in this style BDSM are any less dominant or submissive (respectively) than they are because of it. My Mommy is a WONDERFUL Domme and I will do ANYTHING, absolutely ANYTHING for her, no matter how demanding, degrading, grueling, humiliating, disgusting, et cetera. As long as you get your sub to do what you want, you're successfully dominant. The path you took to get there isn't important beyond it simply being an enjoyable path for you and your sub.
On the other hand... there are some Dom/mes who are always loving... they just want to be the one in control / to make the decisions in the relationship. Some of them may not even be into BDSM per say, like not even "funishment,"/sensation play/bondage/spanking/degradation/humiliation, all that good stuff... They just want to be on top during sex. They'll get their subs to do what they want mostly with rewards and deprivation of those rewards. This can be just as effective as beating someone... after cumming everyday for a week and a half and then suddenly being cut off for a week, my balls will be so swollen I'd fuck the hole in a raw, whole chicken to orgasm if it was what my Mommy wanted me to do for her amusement.
Personally... part of why I'm so in love with my Mommy and I'll do ANYTHING for her is because she's got the best of both worlds. She can come up with some horrible, sick, twisted, sadistic punishments - but she uses them on me when I deserve it. She rarely punishes me in ways that I'll really hate just to do it/just for her enjoyment... and when she does she doesn't have to force me. I want to do them because I love her and want her to be happy.
But most of the time she's very loving and sweet... sometimes if you heard certain soundclips of us whispering our sweet nothings to each other you might even think it was a vanilla couple... Well, probably not because there's usually kinky stuff in there, "I love you so much I'd take a gallon of your urine in an enema if it would make you giggle!" but, you know... my point is I do what she wants me to because I WANT to do it because I love her.
She doesn't have to force me into anything, or persuade me with fear... So in a way, I'd say that's even more effective domination than the brutal, militant, corporal punishment types. No offense to those who are into that. It's just not for us... but my Mommy's still as DOMINANT as they come, because DOMINANT doesn't mean cruel... it just means powerful/influential/commanding... and she commands the Hell out of me, better than any "cruel" Dom could. (In fact, if anyone other than my Mommy did some of those things I've heard of the "cruel" Doms doing, I'd walk out on them... but my Mommy controls me so thoroughly, I'd actually withstand insanely horrible treatment for her).
And remember that... you only have power over your sub so long as he/she gives it to you. Unless he/she's bound up, he can always walk out and say, "Fuck this, you're sick, I'm out." I think the true power/control/dominance resides in the ability to make your sub WANT to do what you want them to, not just simply making them do it. Anyone can beat a cattle to the slaughter, or cattleprod them in the direction of the slaughterhouse. It takes a REAL pro to make them WANT to walk there, on their own, unsupervised... and even BEG for it.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
My First Collar
It finally happened, my Mommy locked our first collar around my neck! Not only is this a BIG step in our relationship that we're taking together it's the first time she's actually taken that leap putting a collar on a sub, and the first time I've likewise been collared.
It's also the first collar of our relationship. Allow me to clarify: first things first, everyone's different and what one couple might do in their dynamic may not be what another does. Some Dom/mes will only give their slave one collar ever. Others may do them in steps, with two or three collars. For us, this is not the final step in the relationship yet, this collar... in vanilla terms, is sort of like an engagement. I'm still completely devoted to her, and have an accessory on my body symbolizing this - symbolizing our eternal love, but we haven't gotten to the point of having a ceremony and exchanging vows/oaths and drafting up a contract. But we're acknowledging that things are heading in that direction, that (relatively) soon we'll be doing it.
Even though we haven't had the ceremony, drafted contracts, etc... we're still bonded for life. It's not less meaningful, it's showing one another that we're going to do that. That we're taking steps in that direction and wish it could happen now, but there's things in both our lives that are keeping us from being able to completely and fully devote all our attention to one another at the moment, but our hearts and lives are no less linked and locked together like the clasps on the collar. That she still fully encompasses me, my entire life - she's all around me 24/7, much like the collar fully encompasses my neck and remains on 24/7.
My Mommy/Mistress said it best, better than I ever could. "I want you to know that... at the click of that lock our fate is sealed: YOU ARE MINE! I OWN YOU. So when you wrap this collar around your neck think that it signifies our eternal love coming full circle. This is only just the beginning of our eternity together."
Indeed... that's just it, the beginning. It doesn't mean we're any less devoted to each other... but mostly that the timing's not right for the "final" collar, and that we're not at that point in our journey, yet... My training's not yet complete. I've still got a long way to go and a lot of maturing and growing to do as her slave to deserve the final collar. But despite that, she's still committing to me, and I to her, and we're showing the world. And I love that... I love that though she owns me fully and completely (and now... definitely will FOREVER) she likewise gave me her heart and is showing me that she'll keep me around forever, that I'll always be one of her most prized possessions.
It makes me happy beyond words. Even before the collar I felt like I'd serve her forever, but now it's definite. Now I KNOW I'll always be at her feet. It makes me feel so safe... so grateful. I can't explain it. The collar's heavy so I never get "used" to it I can always feel it, it serves as a constant reminder that I'm hers and always will be and I LOVE it. I've cried so many times since getting it, but tears of joy. Really... this is the happiest I've been. Period.
I want to shout it from the rooftops, I want the whole world to know that no matter what happens in this world I'll always be my Mommy's and she'll always have me. No matter what. Neither of us will ever be alone again. Ever.
It's also nice because it shows others involved in the lifestyle my status (as a submissive) and that I am owned. Which I love... I want them to know... I want them to know I've got the best Mommy in the world... I can't wait to get some tags for it. And it's a unique enough collar (with the O ring for a leash, the lock in the back, and the custom design) that to people not actively involved in the lifestyle but familiar with it it's obvious that it's not JUST a fashion choice that it has a function, too... so it tells (most) of them hands off. I have gotten some leers/liplicking but no advances, if any come they've got another fucking thing coming because NO ONE'S going to try to come between my Mommy and I without some scars and bruises.
Now, the unusual thing is, even after getting the eventual final collar... I think someday I'd still like to marry my Mommy, but that's another post for another day. For now, this collar's made me the happiest sub... no... the happiest man on earth and I'll remain that way for quite some time. I can't help playing with it, jiggling the leash-ring, twisting it around my neck... I can't keep from smiling all goofy... it's like I'm falling in love all over again but so much stronger. It's yet another example of how just when I think things couldn't get any better, or that I couldn't possibly love her anymore, she shocks the shit out of me / slaps me silly and I fall even deeper, even harder for her. And the best part is, I've got a whole lifetime... a whole eternity... of this to look forward to because I'll always be my Mommy's/Mistress's/Girlfriend's/Lover's/Queen's/Goddess's/Owner's/Top's/Pitbull's Babyboy/Sub/Bend Over Boyfriend/Lover/Servant/Worshipper/Slave/Bottom/FooFoo Dog and though I didn't know it growing up, I know now... that that's all I've ever wanted and all I'll ever want.
It's also the first collar of our relationship. Allow me to clarify: first things first, everyone's different and what one couple might do in their dynamic may not be what another does. Some Dom/mes will only give their slave one collar ever. Others may do them in steps, with two or three collars. For us, this is not the final step in the relationship yet, this collar... in vanilla terms, is sort of like an engagement. I'm still completely devoted to her, and have an accessory on my body symbolizing this - symbolizing our eternal love, but we haven't gotten to the point of having a ceremony and exchanging vows/oaths and drafting up a contract. But we're acknowledging that things are heading in that direction, that (relatively) soon we'll be doing it.
Even though we haven't had the ceremony, drafted contracts, etc... we're still bonded for life. It's not less meaningful, it's showing one another that we're going to do that. That we're taking steps in that direction and wish it could happen now, but there's things in both our lives that are keeping us from being able to completely and fully devote all our attention to one another at the moment, but our hearts and lives are no less linked and locked together like the clasps on the collar. That she still fully encompasses me, my entire life - she's all around me 24/7, much like the collar fully encompasses my neck and remains on 24/7.
My Mommy/Mistress said it best, better than I ever could. "I want you to know that... at the click of that lock our fate is sealed: YOU ARE MINE! I OWN YOU. So when you wrap this collar around your neck think that it signifies our eternal love coming full circle. This is only just the beginning of our eternity together."
Indeed... that's just it, the beginning. It doesn't mean we're any less devoted to each other... but mostly that the timing's not right for the "final" collar, and that we're not at that point in our journey, yet... My training's not yet complete. I've still got a long way to go and a lot of maturing and growing to do as her slave to deserve the final collar. But despite that, she's still committing to me, and I to her, and we're showing the world. And I love that... I love that though she owns me fully and completely (and now... definitely will FOREVER) she likewise gave me her heart and is showing me that she'll keep me around forever, that I'll always be one of her most prized possessions.
It makes me happy beyond words. Even before the collar I felt like I'd serve her forever, but now it's definite. Now I KNOW I'll always be at her feet. It makes me feel so safe... so grateful. I can't explain it. The collar's heavy so I never get "used" to it I can always feel it, it serves as a constant reminder that I'm hers and always will be and I LOVE it. I've cried so many times since getting it, but tears of joy. Really... this is the happiest I've been. Period.
I want to shout it from the rooftops, I want the whole world to know that no matter what happens in this world I'll always be my Mommy's and she'll always have me. No matter what. Neither of us will ever be alone again. Ever.
It's also nice because it shows others involved in the lifestyle my status (as a submissive) and that I am owned. Which I love... I want them to know... I want them to know I've got the best Mommy in the world... I can't wait to get some tags for it. And it's a unique enough collar (with the O ring for a leash, the lock in the back, and the custom design) that to people not actively involved in the lifestyle but familiar with it it's obvious that it's not JUST a fashion choice that it has a function, too... so it tells (most) of them hands off. I have gotten some leers/liplicking but no advances, if any come they've got another fucking thing coming because NO ONE'S going to try to come between my Mommy and I without some scars and bruises.
Now, the unusual thing is, even after getting the eventual final collar... I think someday I'd still like to marry my Mommy, but that's another post for another day. For now, this collar's made me the happiest sub... no... the happiest man on earth and I'll remain that way for quite some time. I can't help playing with it, jiggling the leash-ring, twisting it around my neck... I can't keep from smiling all goofy... it's like I'm falling in love all over again but so much stronger. It's yet another example of how just when I think things couldn't get any better, or that I couldn't possibly love her anymore, she shocks the shit out of me / slaps me silly and I fall even deeper, even harder for her. And the best part is, I've got a whole lifetime... a whole eternity... of this to look forward to because I'll always be my Mommy's/Mistress's/Girlfriend's/Lover's/Queen's/Goddess's/Owner's/Top's/Pitbull's Babyboy/Sub/Bend Over Boyfriend/Lover/Servant/Worshipper/Slave/Bottom/FooFoo Dog and though I didn't know it growing up, I know now... that that's all I've ever wanted and all I'll ever want.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
AB + Mommy Relationship Clarification
In case there was any confusion, Mommy and I wanted to clarify some things about our relationship as adult baby and Mommy. That is, we are not "strictly" baby and mother.
While she takes care of, nurtures, and is very loving towards me - much like a mother to her baby (including changing my diapers and breastfeeding me which I LOVE it is perhaps one of my favorite parts of our relationship it just makes me love her that much more) that is not the only thing we do. I am not confined to locked diapers (I'm diapered 24/7, but I wouldn't dare try to take them off), the locked mittens, locked pacifier, etc... I'm free to walk around, speak my mind, interact with my environment and my MistressMommy. I dress in whatever my Mommy wants me to, but that doesn't include silly gigantic-sized babyclothes since she doesn't like sissifying me.
So at the end of the day, though I'm my Mommy's babyboy who she loves, nurtures, protects, and watches over... I'm also her lover and she's mine. But she's my Mistress, too - her happiness is tantamount. I'm truly her submissive, her bottom... and how can I actually serve her, please her, tend to her every need and desire if I'm all locked up, sissified, and made to be like an enormous infant?
In those strict AB/Mommy situations, the Mommy's carrying out all the actions so at first glance she seems like the top, but in reality... what's she getting out of it? She's doing all the work (I don't care what anyone says, changing diapers and trying to put a mittened and spreader-diapered adult into a highchair, crib, etc or push him in a stroller is HARD FUCKING WORK), but where's her reward beyond simply doing something humiliating, degrading, and disgusting for BOTH parties? If the sub's not into taking things that far, then it's probably a good punishment but it seems like it kind of punishes the Dom, too...
For example I like to try to do things to make my Mommy's life easier. I like to clean for her, cook, drive her places, carry her up the stairs if she's sore followed up by a nice relaxing massage... I can't do any of these things and she can't receive the benefits if I'm all babified. So I guess, in terms of AB, I'm a toddler not actually a baby... but I don't really "roleplay" as a youngun, either... I mean if she's taking my temp or caring for me sometimes I'll be worried/concerned and she'll comfort me, but I don't talk all silly either.
I guess, what I'm saying... is we're not full gung-ho with the AB thing. We play it a little and take some bits and pieces we like, but leave behind the ones we don't. We're still lovers, Mistress/slave, Top/bottom, Girlfriend/boyfriend, Dom/sub - my place will always be at her feet and until she says otherwise this is how it will be - I wait for her direction. As much as I like being taken care of by my Mommy, I like taking care of her, too. Because she's everything to me, and I want to see that her every need and desire is met, that she wants for nothing, etc. If I could take all the pain, displeasure, and suffering she's ever experienced and bear it myself I'd do it in a heartbeat... that's how much she means and always will mean to me. Everything.
While she takes care of, nurtures, and is very loving towards me - much like a mother to her baby (including changing my diapers and breastfeeding me which I LOVE it is perhaps one of my favorite parts of our relationship it just makes me love her that much more) that is not the only thing we do. I am not confined to locked diapers (I'm diapered 24/7, but I wouldn't dare try to take them off), the locked mittens, locked pacifier, etc... I'm free to walk around, speak my mind, interact with my environment and my MistressMommy. I dress in whatever my Mommy wants me to, but that doesn't include silly gigantic-sized babyclothes since she doesn't like sissifying me.
So at the end of the day, though I'm my Mommy's babyboy who she loves, nurtures, protects, and watches over... I'm also her lover and she's mine. But she's my Mistress, too - her happiness is tantamount. I'm truly her submissive, her bottom... and how can I actually serve her, please her, tend to her every need and desire if I'm all locked up, sissified, and made to be like an enormous infant?
In those strict AB/Mommy situations, the Mommy's carrying out all the actions so at first glance she seems like the top, but in reality... what's she getting out of it? She's doing all the work (I don't care what anyone says, changing diapers and trying to put a mittened and spreader-diapered adult into a highchair, crib, etc or push him in a stroller is HARD FUCKING WORK), but where's her reward beyond simply doing something humiliating, degrading, and disgusting for BOTH parties? If the sub's not into taking things that far, then it's probably a good punishment but it seems like it kind of punishes the Dom, too...
For example I like to try to do things to make my Mommy's life easier. I like to clean for her, cook, drive her places, carry her up the stairs if she's sore followed up by a nice relaxing massage... I can't do any of these things and she can't receive the benefits if I'm all babified. So I guess, in terms of AB, I'm a toddler not actually a baby... but I don't really "roleplay" as a youngun, either... I mean if she's taking my temp or caring for me sometimes I'll be worried/concerned and she'll comfort me, but I don't talk all silly either.
I guess, what I'm saying... is we're not full gung-ho with the AB thing. We play it a little and take some bits and pieces we like, but leave behind the ones we don't. We're still lovers, Mistress/slave, Top/bottom, Girlfriend/boyfriend, Dom/sub - my place will always be at her feet and until she says otherwise this is how it will be - I wait for her direction. As much as I like being taken care of by my Mommy, I like taking care of her, too. Because she's everything to me, and I want to see that her every need and desire is met, that she wants for nothing, etc. If I could take all the pain, displeasure, and suffering she's ever experienced and bear it myself I'd do it in a heartbeat... that's how much she means and always will mean to me. Everything.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Induced Lactation / Goldfarb Protocol
This is going to be a little more of an informative post about how, exactly, my Mommy induced lactation using the Goldfarb Protocol. I am not; however, suggesting you do this (always consult a doctor before making serious changes in your body), but if you're curious about inducing lactation, here's how we did it:
There are a few different routes you can take, depending upon how much time you have until you want to start feeding. If you absolutely can't wait, you can do it in about 2 months. You're basically going to trick your breasts into thinking you got pregnant with birth control pills. If you cannot take standard birth control pills you can use provera instead. You'll also be taking domperidone, first in combination with the bcp's and later just by itself.
So you're going to want to take birth control pills for at least 30 days before you start pumping (you'll want to be off before you start pumping) but the longer the better. If you want to do it as fast as possible:
Start taking birth control 2 months before feeding, and 20 mg of domperidone 4x a day. Do not take the placebos in the bcps just take the real ones.
1 month before feeding, suspend the bcp usage but continue taking 20 mg domperidone 4x daily. Start pumping your breasts with a double electric breast pump. You're going to want to do at least 10 minutes per breast at least 8 times a day, at least one of those being between 1 and 5 am when there's heightened milk production. You'll probably have to work your way up / ease into it - just do what you can handle. But the more frequent you can the better because the more often you pump the more milk your breasts will produce. Think about it like this... a newborn is probably going to want to feed between every 2 to 3 hours... so you're going to want to be able to pump often so you're prepared for that.
If you're doing it for ANR, you and your partner may not want to feed that often, but pump anyways.There's a lot of good information on asklenore.com - I believe it's the website of the person who developed the protocol - including pumping instructions here: http://www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/induced_lactation/pumping_instructions.shtml
If you have more time take the bcps for over 60 days. Stop taking them 6 weeks before feeding - the first week you stop them take 10mg domperidone 4x daily, then increase to 20 mg domperidone 4x daily and stay there for the remainder of the time you're on domperidone. Start pumping 6 weeks before feeding, too.
It doesn't really matter how long you've been pumping for except to train your breast to be able to do more pumps - the frequency is what's going to actually increase your breast pump output. So you don't need to be pumping for 4 months before feeding since after a few weeks of getting used to it, you should be able to pump the recommended 8-12x daily.
When you're pumping (4 weeks before feeding for milk rush, 6 weeks for quantity buildup) you can start taking several different types of herbs to increase production, like fenugreek, mother's milk, and blessed thistle. Also, eating oatmeal everyday will increase your yield, too.
I hope you found this helpful, if you have any questions feel free to ask or check out Ask Lenore. All the information there can be a little intimidating, so this is basically the Goldfarb protocol in a nutshell. Of course you should always consult a physician before starting any medications, including bcp's. Many women can/should NOT take them. But if you can, or if you can take provera, and wish to induce lactation I wish you good luck! I'd love to hear how you did it if you did it a different way, or about your experiences in ANR.
There are a few different routes you can take, depending upon how much time you have until you want to start feeding. If you absolutely can't wait, you can do it in about 2 months. You're basically going to trick your breasts into thinking you got pregnant with birth control pills. If you cannot take standard birth control pills you can use provera instead. You'll also be taking domperidone, first in combination with the bcp's and later just by itself.
So you're going to want to take birth control pills for at least 30 days before you start pumping (you'll want to be off before you start pumping) but the longer the better. If you want to do it as fast as possible:
Start taking birth control 2 months before feeding, and 20 mg of domperidone 4x a day. Do not take the placebos in the bcps just take the real ones.
1 month before feeding, suspend the bcp usage but continue taking 20 mg domperidone 4x daily. Start pumping your breasts with a double electric breast pump. You're going to want to do at least 10 minutes per breast at least 8 times a day, at least one of those being between 1 and 5 am when there's heightened milk production. You'll probably have to work your way up / ease into it - just do what you can handle. But the more frequent you can the better because the more often you pump the more milk your breasts will produce. Think about it like this... a newborn is probably going to want to feed between every 2 to 3 hours... so you're going to want to be able to pump often so you're prepared for that.
If you're doing it for ANR, you and your partner may not want to feed that often, but pump anyways.There's a lot of good information on asklenore.com - I believe it's the website of the person who developed the protocol - including pumping instructions here: http://www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/induced_lactation/pumping_instructions.shtml
If you have more time take the bcps for over 60 days. Stop taking them 6 weeks before feeding - the first week you stop them take 10mg domperidone 4x daily, then increase to 20 mg domperidone 4x daily and stay there for the remainder of the time you're on domperidone. Start pumping 6 weeks before feeding, too.
It doesn't really matter how long you've been pumping for except to train your breast to be able to do more pumps - the frequency is what's going to actually increase your breast pump output. So you don't need to be pumping for 4 months before feeding since after a few weeks of getting used to it, you should be able to pump the recommended 8-12x daily.
When you're pumping (4 weeks before feeding for milk rush, 6 weeks for quantity buildup) you can start taking several different types of herbs to increase production, like fenugreek, mother's milk, and blessed thistle. Also, eating oatmeal everyday will increase your yield, too.
I hope you found this helpful, if you have any questions feel free to ask or check out Ask Lenore. All the information there can be a little intimidating, so this is basically the Goldfarb protocol in a nutshell. Of course you should always consult a physician before starting any medications, including bcp's. Many women can/should NOT take them. But if you can, or if you can take provera, and wish to induce lactation I wish you good luck! I'd love to hear how you did it if you did it a different way, or about your experiences in ANR.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Bleak and Blue
When I'm with Mommy I'll usually wind up black and blue (I can be quite mischievous at times so I'll usually do SOMETHING that will incite an irate reaction out of her at least once a week... plus she likes reddening and purpling my ass even when she's pleased with me) and every color between - some I didn't know even existed in the spectrum, much less on skin - but when she's away I'm bleak and blue.
Being with her's definitely an emotional rollercoaster and while most people say that like it's a bad thing, in this case I think it's a good thing. It's not like she treats me badly or abuses me and then claims to love me so get that notion out your noggin'! It's like... when I'm with her I'm so happy I'm ecstatic, no drug can compare... but then when we're apart I'm going through severe withdrawal starting with a harsh comedown... Yet other time's if I'm going through something difficult or stressful I can just think of her, how much we love each other, and how lucky I am to be with her and it will get me through the day.
If I know what Mommy's doing / where she'll be / at least that she's okay it's not too bad. The worst is when we're apart and I can't reach her on the phone, email, text, etc... if I go a long time without hearing from her my mind starts going into overdrive imagining the most horrific scenarios possible. Like, "Oh my God! A 50 foot asteroid could have crash landed 100 feet away from her and in an effort to be first on the scene she was PANCAKED by a firetruck! Soon I'll be called to identify the scraps that were wiped up with a squeegee, NOOOOOO!" I've a vivid imagination and while I know this is jejune if I don't hear from her (and didn't know she had things to do) I begin to worry and come up with every possible scenario that could be happening (most of them negative) because she'll usually at least pick up and say, "Babyboy I'm busy I'll call you back." At least if I hear that I have some solace.
But even if I know what she's up to and that she's a-ok, I still have a hard time functioning without her. She controls me so completely that if I complete all my tasks, orders, chores, and then everything I could possibly assume she might want me to do, I just shut down and wait / stare at the wall. I used to do leisure activities like watching television, reading, playing computer games... no longer. I just can't concentrate. I'll focus on the activity for 30 seconds or so before my mind drifts back to my Mommy and I've got to rewind, reread, and reload.
It's sort of like I no longer have my own mind, my own free will. I'm not a human controlled by his brain, I'm an ant or worker bee controlled by his Queen / hive mind, and Mommy's my queen / hive mind. When I can't communicate with the hive it goes hectic, and I try as hard as I can to get back to the hive because it's all I want and know. It's my only purpose, to please, protect, and work for the good of the "colony," in this case our d/s relationship / my Mommy's happiness. The best thing I can do in this situation is try to get some sleep - so that I'm alert and active when Mommy comes back around (we often don't get much sleep at night when together, she has a tendency to ride me ragged). It puts my mind at ease, it's not racing driving me nuts thinking about her and pining over her constantly to the point where I can't do anything else if I'm sleeping. Granted I will dream about her, but it's a more peaceful/calming obsession with her than a waking one. Now, if I know where she is I like thinking about her - it makes me happy, often I'll be walking around with a goofy smile plastered on my face.
However if she left pissed off without telling me what's going on, or I just simply don't know where she is / if she's healthy and happy or laid out in a ditch, it's miserable. In this situation no matter how hard I try I can't sleep and I'll often worry myself to the point where I become physically ill. Mind you, this is extremely out of character for me I've never worried about anything half as much as my Mommy's welfare. Perhaps it's unhealthy, but she's got such a firm grip on me and my mind I can't get her out of it no matter how hard I try. If I think she's mad at me / ignoring me and worrying if she's okay it will often move me to tears, which is also very out of character I only used to cry when someone close to me passed and even then just a little / in isolated incidences.
It's like, she's the reason why I do everything. She's the reason I'm writing this blog, she's the reason I'll write poetry, the reason I shower, eat, sleep, drink, piss, shit, brush my teeth and hair, work, etc etc etc so without her it's like I've no reason to live. So when I start thinking, "Oh my God, maybe something happened to her," not only do I not want to see her ever endure any pain again because her happiness is the most important thing to me, but I start thinking what life might be like without her and it horrifies me.
So, even though this is a rollercoaster of emotions... I like it. I like that someone can still make me feel so strongly even after I had given up on love. That she's so powerful... she was like a defibrillator to my heart, she brought the icy rock it had become back to life, back to a warm ooshy gooshy pile of lovins. Even if it's pain or worry or sadness I'm feeling at least I'm FEELING.... prior to her I had become just so fucking numb, never sad but never really happy either. Now I'm experiencing both, albeit in extremes, but I think it will level off in time when I get more used to being without her (it's still a new experience to me we spend so much time together and when we're apart we generally both know what the other's doing / when we'll be home etc).
But yeah... she made me feel things I'd never thought I'd feel, that I never knew existed. She's brought me to heights I'd never dreamed of and lows I never knew I should fear. She's truly the most powerful force in my life and I don't want to ever lose it... a life without her isn't a life at all it's just an existence. It's like watching a romance movie with just one character... a love story of a man and his hand. Lol seriously though I know she's the alpha and omega. I know there can be no other after her and there were none before her. (I had relationships, but now that I see what a relationship with REAL meaning is... those were nothing). She's my world. My life. My everything.
Being with her's definitely an emotional rollercoaster and while most people say that like it's a bad thing, in this case I think it's a good thing. It's not like she treats me badly or abuses me and then claims to love me so get that notion out your noggin'! It's like... when I'm with her I'm so happy I'm ecstatic, no drug can compare... but then when we're apart I'm going through severe withdrawal starting with a harsh comedown... Yet other time's if I'm going through something difficult or stressful I can just think of her, how much we love each other, and how lucky I am to be with her and it will get me through the day.
If I know what Mommy's doing / where she'll be / at least that she's okay it's not too bad. The worst is when we're apart and I can't reach her on the phone, email, text, etc... if I go a long time without hearing from her my mind starts going into overdrive imagining the most horrific scenarios possible. Like, "Oh my God! A 50 foot asteroid could have crash landed 100 feet away from her and in an effort to be first on the scene she was PANCAKED by a firetruck! Soon I'll be called to identify the scraps that were wiped up with a squeegee, NOOOOOO!" I've a vivid imagination and while I know this is jejune if I don't hear from her (and didn't know she had things to do) I begin to worry and come up with every possible scenario that could be happening (most of them negative) because she'll usually at least pick up and say, "Babyboy I'm busy I'll call you back." At least if I hear that I have some solace.
But even if I know what she's up to and that she's a-ok, I still have a hard time functioning without her. She controls me so completely that if I complete all my tasks, orders, chores, and then everything I could possibly assume she might want me to do, I just shut down and wait / stare at the wall. I used to do leisure activities like watching television, reading, playing computer games... no longer. I just can't concentrate. I'll focus on the activity for 30 seconds or so before my mind drifts back to my Mommy and I've got to rewind, reread, and reload.
It's sort of like I no longer have my own mind, my own free will. I'm not a human controlled by his brain, I'm an ant or worker bee controlled by his Queen / hive mind, and Mommy's my queen / hive mind. When I can't communicate with the hive it goes hectic, and I try as hard as I can to get back to the hive because it's all I want and know. It's my only purpose, to please, protect, and work for the good of the "colony," in this case our d/s relationship / my Mommy's happiness. The best thing I can do in this situation is try to get some sleep - so that I'm alert and active when Mommy comes back around (we often don't get much sleep at night when together, she has a tendency to ride me ragged). It puts my mind at ease, it's not racing driving me nuts thinking about her and pining over her constantly to the point where I can't do anything else if I'm sleeping. Granted I will dream about her, but it's a more peaceful/calming obsession with her than a waking one. Now, if I know where she is I like thinking about her - it makes me happy, often I'll be walking around with a goofy smile plastered on my face.
However if she left pissed off without telling me what's going on, or I just simply don't know where she is / if she's healthy and happy or laid out in a ditch, it's miserable. In this situation no matter how hard I try I can't sleep and I'll often worry myself to the point where I become physically ill. Mind you, this is extremely out of character for me I've never worried about anything half as much as my Mommy's welfare. Perhaps it's unhealthy, but she's got such a firm grip on me and my mind I can't get her out of it no matter how hard I try. If I think she's mad at me / ignoring me and worrying if she's okay it will often move me to tears, which is also very out of character I only used to cry when someone close to me passed and even then just a little / in isolated incidences.
It's like, she's the reason why I do everything. She's the reason I'm writing this blog, she's the reason I'll write poetry, the reason I shower, eat, sleep, drink, piss, shit, brush my teeth and hair, work, etc etc etc so without her it's like I've no reason to live. So when I start thinking, "Oh my God, maybe something happened to her," not only do I not want to see her ever endure any pain again because her happiness is the most important thing to me, but I start thinking what life might be like without her and it horrifies me.
So, even though this is a rollercoaster of emotions... I like it. I like that someone can still make me feel so strongly even after I had given up on love. That she's so powerful... she was like a defibrillator to my heart, she brought the icy rock it had become back to life, back to a warm ooshy gooshy pile of lovins. Even if it's pain or worry or sadness I'm feeling at least I'm FEELING.... prior to her I had become just so fucking numb, never sad but never really happy either. Now I'm experiencing both, albeit in extremes, but I think it will level off in time when I get more used to being without her (it's still a new experience to me we spend so much time together and when we're apart we generally both know what the other's doing / when we'll be home etc).
But yeah... she made me feel things I'd never thought I'd feel, that I never knew existed. She's brought me to heights I'd never dreamed of and lows I never knew I should fear. She's truly the most powerful force in my life and I don't want to ever lose it... a life without her isn't a life at all it's just an existence. It's like watching a romance movie with just one character... a love story of a man and his hand. Lol seriously though I know she's the alpha and omega. I know there can be no other after her and there were none before her. (I had relationships, but now that I see what a relationship with REAL meaning is... those were nothing). She's my world. My life. My everything.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
I Love Listening When She Speaks
While I don't necessarily know how I feel about "love at first sight" (I believe real, genuine, strong, lasting love takes time to build though you can start to fall for someone quite quickly as I did with my Mommy) I was hooked after our very first conversation. Now that I love her, her voice controls me, but even the first time I heard it I was enraptured... captured, even.
Her tone can send warmth through my body like a heated hospital blanket or strike fear in my heart like the fiercest of storms. Even when she just sounds mad, but is actually joking, my whole mood changes. Or, when she's yelling at her puppies, I get submissive and whimper just as much as they do! When telling a story or going on long rants/monologues I can wind up almost hypnotized and wind up having to say, "What?" 'cause I wound up drifting off into a daydream about how wonderful she is and how much I love her while she was talking. Sometimes she'll take offense to it or if we're on the phone think I was falling asleep so I try to keep it from happening, but she just has so much power over me.
Speaking of on the phone, when we're apart she can control me almost 100% just as well as she can in real life. Of course she's not able to give me a smack or whip me or anything, but just the fear of hearing that tinge of anger in her voice is enough to keep me in line. "Do it, NOW," gets me moving just as quick as a smack to my ass or a slap to my face and though of course I could just pretend to do something on the phone, she commands so much respect, admiration, love, and fear that I'd never dare do that.
And if she starts talking dirty to me whether it's on the phone or in person? Forget it. I'm hornier than anyone, standing right at attention. She's a way with words like no one else which will sometimes get me laughing because she's damn funny, but she knows how to push my buttons too and she'll often have me begging to come just with that audible chocolate voice of hers. "Like music to my ears" is an understatement. I don't even listen to music anymore, I just want to listen to my Mommy.
And when she's loving and comforting... oh God. There's no happier man on her... how sweet her voice is, how sensual, how caring... I could be enraged after being cut off and forced into a guardrail by some jackass who just leaves the scene and her voice'll hit me and my icy revenge-seeking heart will just instantly melt and I'll get all calm and peaceful. As a Buddhist I used to meditate a lot... I find myself doing it less and less, her voice brings me as much inner peace as any number of hours of deep meditation... and she can send me into deeper and calmer meditative states / subspace just with her voice (she's done it on the phone... it's shocking. We'll be talking and if she starts getting all dominant and commanding, next thing you know I'm babbling nonsense and seeing myself riding through picturesque valleys on golden horses with her. Or, you know... comparable stuff).
It's to the point where I can hardly fall asleep without her, but with her by my side or whispering to me sweetly on the phone I'll be out in seconds. She's better than any hypnotist. Lightly lilting about how much she loves me and cares about me and how she'll always be there for me and keep me safe and protect me... and forget it. Or if I'm being stubborn a demanding, "Go the FUCK to sleep!" does the trick, too. She's got so much control over me and so much command over my senses, but she doesn't need to resort to just pain or just visuals... her voice alone is enough to have me licking her feet, cleaning her toilet, building a log cabin in the woods... whatever she wants... It's just... I don't know, magic. I've never seen... or well, heard... anything quite like it. Just one more reason why I'm so in love and can't imagine my life without her... she's the best.
Her tone can send warmth through my body like a heated hospital blanket or strike fear in my heart like the fiercest of storms. Even when she just sounds mad, but is actually joking, my whole mood changes. Or, when she's yelling at her puppies, I get submissive and whimper just as much as they do! When telling a story or going on long rants/monologues I can wind up almost hypnotized and wind up having to say, "What?" 'cause I wound up drifting off into a daydream about how wonderful she is and how much I love her while she was talking. Sometimes she'll take offense to it or if we're on the phone think I was falling asleep so I try to keep it from happening, but she just has so much power over me.
Speaking of on the phone, when we're apart she can control me almost 100% just as well as she can in real life. Of course she's not able to give me a smack or whip me or anything, but just the fear of hearing that tinge of anger in her voice is enough to keep me in line. "Do it, NOW," gets me moving just as quick as a smack to my ass or a slap to my face and though of course I could just pretend to do something on the phone, she commands so much respect, admiration, love, and fear that I'd never dare do that.
And if she starts talking dirty to me whether it's on the phone or in person? Forget it. I'm hornier than anyone, standing right at attention. She's a way with words like no one else which will sometimes get me laughing because she's damn funny, but she knows how to push my buttons too and she'll often have me begging to come just with that audible chocolate voice of hers. "Like music to my ears" is an understatement. I don't even listen to music anymore, I just want to listen to my Mommy.
And when she's loving and comforting... oh God. There's no happier man on her... how sweet her voice is, how sensual, how caring... I could be enraged after being cut off and forced into a guardrail by some jackass who just leaves the scene and her voice'll hit me and my icy revenge-seeking heart will just instantly melt and I'll get all calm and peaceful. As a Buddhist I used to meditate a lot... I find myself doing it less and less, her voice brings me as much inner peace as any number of hours of deep meditation... and she can send me into deeper and calmer meditative states / subspace just with her voice (she's done it on the phone... it's shocking. We'll be talking and if she starts getting all dominant and commanding, next thing you know I'm babbling nonsense and seeing myself riding through picturesque valleys on golden horses with her. Or, you know... comparable stuff).
It's to the point where I can hardly fall asleep without her, but with her by my side or whispering to me sweetly on the phone I'll be out in seconds. She's better than any hypnotist. Lightly lilting about how much she loves me and cares about me and how she'll always be there for me and keep me safe and protect me... and forget it. Or if I'm being stubborn a demanding, "Go the FUCK to sleep!" does the trick, too. She's got so much control over me and so much command over my senses, but she doesn't need to resort to just pain or just visuals... her voice alone is enough to have me licking her feet, cleaning her toilet, building a log cabin in the woods... whatever she wants... It's just... I don't know, magic. I've never seen... or well, heard... anything quite like it. Just one more reason why I'm so in love and can't imagine my life without her... she's the best.
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