A Weekend In Paradise (Intro/Part 1)

(No sexual stuff yet in this part, just a setup for what's to come.  Based on real experiences with my Mistress. [Though not in the same way movies are "based" on a true story.  This is 100% true, but dialogue may not be accurate to a T/exact words.  And mundane stuff like doing laundry or cooking etc is left out]).

Driving on 40-55 speed highways for a half hour in order to avoid tolls and dealing with narrow lanes and narrow talent Mass-hole drivers drains my energy, but not determination.  Despite such resolve, anxiety, jitters, and anticipation attacks my system full force as I pull onto my Momma's street and stop.  Of course there are only resident spots available and not visitor, but I'm too excited to drive around searching -  I just HAVE to see her.

Fluttering fingers fumble with my phone's buttons for a few moments, forced to delete and reenter numbers several times until I get frustrated and hold down the 1 button to speed dial her.  It's apt... since that's what she is to me, Number One.

"Momma, I'm on your street!  I'm parked at the intersection of Mabel and Chief."
"I'll be right there, Babyboy."

She had finally invited me to stay at her home, for a whole weekend no less!  Excitement bubbles in my belly, along with the butterflies.  In a feeble attempt to quell them, I plant my left foot on the floor of my Hyundai, bouncing my knee so rapidly that if someone sat on my lap they would be as likely to vomit as if riding a rollercoaster on a full stomach.  With sweaty hands and shaky palms I smoke a cigarette to calm my nerves; watching, waiting for her to waltz on over.  Every time I see an umbrella bob above car roofs down the street, my heart leaps in my chest - only to be repeatedly disappointed.  I knew she'd make me wait... I smile and imagine her procrastinating until I called her and told her I was close to start getting ready.

While lighting my second cigarette I wind up dropping my lighter... There she is!  Long, dark red hair sways in the wind with every sultry step she takes - walking, as always, with purpose.  Those thick, luscious lips curl into one of her equally heart-melting and alluring smiles.  Adorned in comfortable clothing, she's as sexy as ever - I'm a firm believer in it's not about what's being worn, but the wearer.  A simple black hoodie and jeans - but damn do they show off her full hips and lovely legs.

I pull out of my parking spot both to pick her up so she can show me a safe place to park and to keep her from having to walk all the way over, as much as I'd love to watch.  Each movement has a grace and confidence seldom seen in most women - she's always full of fabulousity.  When next to her I stop and lean over to push her door open.  She sits and I can't help but stare somewhat awkwardly, smiling from ear to ear.

"Come here,"

Looping her finger into the O ring on my collar, she pulls me towards her and our lips lock in a passionate, firm kiss.  Her tongue slips in, slides against my own, and swirls around inside my mouth, before parting with a light smacking sound.

"So... whaddya think, Babyboy?"

In a hoarse voice I almost croak, "Perfect as always, Momma!"

After bringing her to a local bakery to pick up a cake (since it was my birthday), we park back on her street and she gives me a small tour of her neighborhood.  The whole time I'm thinking, "Come on... come on... wanna go back to your place.. come on.  Oh I don't wanna talk to this person...  Fuck that monument!"  Not that it wasn't a nice neighborhood, and I wasn't interested in JUST sex... but I could not wait to spend quality time with my Mistress... one on one time... after being apart so long.  After what seemed like ages we walked back to her place.  She opened her door and gave me such a sexy look from over her shoulder, and beckoned me in....

(To be continued)

The Opening Night (Part 3)

If you haven't read: Part 1, Part 2

Mistress and I make out and toy with each other - she runs her hands through my hair and tugs it much harder than during the enema; her bites, pinches, face-slaps, and ass-spanks are all more forceful as well - up until I almost forget about what is to come next, or at least the nervousness starts fading. As soon as she sees me relax in comfort like it is any other day, she wrestles and pins me against the bed on my belly; my ass hangs over the side's edge. I submit rather quickly - I go limp and she positions me exactly how she pleases, my arms and legs both spread towards the bed's head and base.  I am convinced I'll be in this position for a mini-eternity and breathe deep, trying to get at least a little comfy all over again.

"Stay! I mean it, bitch-boy, don't you dare move a fucking muscle."

"Yes, Mistress!"

I bark back and remain frozen like a child playing tag.  After waiting so long each minute seems like hours and I want her more than I've ever wanted anything... I want to give myself to her and be hers forever. I can hear her doing something, getting things ready and the curiosity kills me.  She is back behind me diagonally (my right arm and leg are spread towards the headboard which is up against the wall.  She's at a table to the bed's right also along the wall) and for a second time this night I am looking over my shoulder back at her, trying to spy her plans and preparations.  As soon as I get the slightest glance of her now-harnessed body, her whole arm abruptly lashes out and her wrist cracks a paddle across my ass with lightning speed sending stinging shockwaves down my legs and up my spine and the slapping sound echoes throughout the room.  I face forward with my jaw dropped making breathy, quiet, "Ow-oh-owwwwww," noises while she crosses to me.  I am flabbergasted, I see her for only a second in which she's not facing me at all, it was like she had...

"No, I don't have eyes in the back of my head, baby boy.  But I own you, your body and your thoughts.  Now you've been a bad boy," she spanked me again to accentuate her point, "So I'm going to ensure you don't go anywhere.  I don't need you getting any second thoughts or anything, thinking you'll back out!"

"Nono, Mama, I wouldn't dare..." Truth be told I am getting a little nervous - sweaty palms and hoarse throat betraying my pretended confidence.  Not that I don't want it, since brought up it had been on my mind constantly.  I can remember the first mention of it (when she said she was into it I asked, "Y-you want to play with my ass," incredulously.  "Yeah, this is what I do.  Come on boychik what do you think this is?"  That had made me blush hard as I ever had and with what I thought was a casual demeanor, but was actually an awkward ass croaking, "Nono... I'm cool with it... That's cool I just only... I like... Uh..." A slap to the face helped me along, "Haven't had anything up there but a finger or two."  She cocked an eyebrow, "Nothing? No toys, no dicks, no - " I nodded and chimed in, "-thing.  I'm a virgin"), but since then it became a fantasy for both of us, something we were longing and waiting for... I want it so bad, I just know that once it happens things will be completely different and there's no going back.

My feeble protest made no difference in her action, she secured me in place, tying my left arm and leg to the baseboard and my right arm and leg to the headboard.  She then tied the blindfold back 'round my head and finished me off with a pair of worn panties (that I noticed she'd been wearing for 3 days, had she been planning this?) shoved deep in my mouth and held in with duct tape as a yummy make-shift gag.

"Can't have you screaming bloody murder, making neighbors call cops, can we?"  She starts spanking me with much more strength and for much longer.  In record time she had my ass a deep, sore red and if I tried to push forwards against my restraints to tuck my tush in, she'd tug on my balls until I was back out perfectly perked for her.  She stops spanking me for a brief moment, but soon returns with a bite right on my buttcheek, leaving a row of darker red teeth marks on and already beaten and battered bum. I let out a yelp around the panties that by now are soaked with my saliva after being brutally bitten and sucked during the spanking... her taste actually brings me comfort.

Immediately following the bite I feel her fingers spreading warm lube around my hole prior to pushing into my pucker and initially I pull my hips forwards, but another ball-tug and squeeze puts a quick death to that.  She pokes in all different directions when entering and withdrawing, spreading me out so she can soon squeeze in her middle finger in addition to the index.  I'm easing up and starting to pant heavily.  Suddenly she stops, fingers sitting in the same spot for several seconds.  "Push back.  Fuck yourself on it like the little schoolgirl slut you are."  I whimper and immediately grind down on them, rolling my hips and impaling myself on her fingers, trying to do it with a downward pressure so she probes my prostate on each gyration.

She allows me to pleasure myself in this manner for some time, but removes them when upon deciding I'm loosened and lubed up sufficiently.  I take a deep breath and swallow hard - I can feel her changing positions and hear lube being slathered on something behind me.  I wasn't able to see, but she had just removed the dildo from her hot pussy, attached it to the harness, and was currently lubing it up behind me, licking her lips.

My cheeks spread apart once more, this time almost painfully far as she placed a palm on either cheek and leaned forwards, parting them with great pressure which left my ring completely exposed and stretched out a little himself.  She blew on it and the tickling sensation forced a giggle from my throat which distracts me from my situation for just an instant.  The instant she first penetrated her baby boy.

I squeeze my eyes tightly shut, tears just beginning to bud on the corners of the lids, wincing while my asshole stretches open, forced apart by her 7" long, 1.5" thick strap-on.  She doesn't enter in a smooth, constant motion; instead she stops at regular intervals, giving me time to stretch slowly and get used to such a long, thick instrument in my ass.  It clenches on the intruder, almost as if trying to force it out albeit feebly.  She leans down and whispers in my ear while sliding her hands up to my shoulders to gently knead.  "Relax, baby boy.  Don't fight it... Submit."

I nod my head and try to take a deep breath, progress gets a little easier.  Before my brain can really process what's happening and the explosive sensations and emotions I'm feeling she's fully in and laying all her weight on my back and rear... pushing in so deep.  I squeal, indeed not unlike a schoolgirl, being pinned and penetrated beneath her.  She bites my ear and moans out, "Ungh, Mama's home!"  I'm shaking and shivering, biting my lips and squeezing my eyes tight.  She kisses, then licks my cheek and says, "It's okay, baby boy... let it out," before ripping off the duct-tape.

With a whimper, the sob I'm choking back escapes in full force, flushing my eyes out and open with tears and my whole body goes limp and the panties plop onto the bed-top.  In giving in to it, every muscle relaxes and she starts rolling and gyrating her hips on top of mine, fucking my ass with all her weight in a slow, but steady rhythm.  She times her thrusts with my inhales and exhales so I involuntarily fuck myself onto her.  I'm not crying from the pain... it hurts a bit, but also feels so good.  I'm just so happy, so thrilled, so overcome, so verklempt.  The love of my life is making love to me and I couldn't be happier... it's just so overpowering it's impossible for me to do anything else.

"Mmm, yeah... I told you I'd fuck you 'til you cry... Good boy, just lay there and take it like the slut you are..."  I can only nod and moan like a whore, I'm unable to speak or respond even though I've been de-gagged.  She's slipping in with progressively more speed and power, and I'm left squirming - almost struggling against myself, against how good it feels... unable to do much of anything productive.  I'm just in sensory overload, I can still taste her cunt and ass from her panties and now smell them since they lay next to me, my ass is being ripped open, and my throbbing cock is being forced into the bedsheets with every thrust.

She fucks me for hours... she fucks my brains out.  Before we're done she winds up unbinding me and fucking me in almost every position imaginable... so many I lose track.  She fucks me on my back with my legs held up with the backs of my knees on her shoulders, on my side with a leg raised, doggystyle, and even has me ride her for a bit (which was awkward, after a while I was so spent I was almost collapsing after every bounce).  She reapplies the numbing lubricant and astroglide many times during the marathon, but just after around the halfway point the soreness started breaking through.  It felt good, though... I loved having her pound me like an animal, though it felt like she was holding back just a bit... which maybe was good I was certainly sore, but felt safe and loved, too.

After a while we both just need a breather and she pushes me off of her and spoons with me a while - her chest and hips pressed up against my back since my front was soaked in tears and precum, cock still throbbing.  She teases it with a hand, jerking just until I'm on the edge of explosion, then stopping or squeezing the base or my balls.  I whimper and whine and she asks, "How do you feel, baby boy?"

"Amazing, Mommy.  It's sore but it feels so good, I think I'm gonna want it again and again."

"Good, because we're gonna do this everyday from now on.  You're my Bend Over Boyfriend, now.  Wanna cum?"


"Ohhh, yes, Mommy!  Please, please Mommy can I-"

"No! Hahahaha.  You're mine.  This cock is mine.  And now this ass is mine.  I'm gonna take it WHENEVER and WHEREVER I want it, got that?  I OWN you!"

"Yes, Mommy."

"Good... now get up.  I'm gonna fuck you again."


(The end?)

The Opening Night (Part 2)

If you haven't read part 1....

Mistress' fingers poke and prod in all different directions, opening me up and getting me used to having something in my ass. Sliding in and out slowly, the tight grip of my virgin ring keeps her from getting too forceful without causing quite a bit of pain... Even the current deliberate pace causes some... although its quite erotic to me. The numbing lubricant she applied keeps it from stinging and burning too much.

As soon as I start getting severely turned on and into it - my face fully flushed as red as my recently spanked ass, breathing heavy, and some sweat beading on my brow - she removes her fingers which elicits a wanting, whimpering moan from my lips and some strong push-back from my hips. A spank meets my ass as she allows me to bask in that sultry voice, hot and soothing as a sauna, "Ooooh! The dirty baby boy can't get enough! Yeah, I'll turn your virgin ass into a pussy, yet. Just you wait and see." My heart stops in place, upon her completion of those words, I know I'll get what I'd waited for and wanted for so long: to give her my virginity. I bite my bottom lip to keep the tears from flowing right there... one still manages to sneak out and roll down my nose, dropping down onto the bed.

"Yes, Mistress. I can't wait..." My speech is broken and husky and all her treatment makes me ache with desire - my member throbs and quite a little mess of pre-cum builds up on the bed. I'm wiggling my hips all around, missing Mistress' fingers, wanting them to return oh-so-bad. Instead of feeling fingers, my previously poor lonely pucker feels a foreign intruder prod and push against it - the nozzle to the enema - the larger, longer douche nozzle.

It causes me to jump and squirm, her expert touch brings back goosebumps and makes every hair on my body stand on end electrified. She slides the nozzle in and out, fucking me with it while rubbing and kissing my back and she mixes in pinches and bites to keep me on my toes. Before long she decides she has the nozzle and me right where she wants us (the nozzle inserted deeeeep inside me) and turns her hands' attention to my belly and her equipment. She leans in to whisper in my ear, "Take a deep breath, baby boy..."

I coo a, "Yes, Mistress," prior to a long moaning exhalation. I feel warm flowing water flush into me and Mistress' pristine, pampering palms knead my belly, placating any and all cramping. In addition to her massaging hands, she whispers pleasantries, sweet-nothings, and praise all along... for example, "Ooh, you're doing so well, baby boy," "You're so full," or "Mama's so proud of you." The combination of everything - the warmth inside my belly, the warmth her hands cause outside my belly, her soothing voice's warmth, her body's warmth... is just so calming and relaxing. No massage parlor, meditation guru, or yoga class can compete for comfort and stress reduction with my Mistress.

Before I know it the first third of 2 quarts slightly soapy solution sloshes around inside me and she stops the flow. "Roll over onto your belly for Mama, baby boy," she gives my hip a light, encouraging pat as she speaks. I roll over and she props up my waist with some pillows underneath so my eager rump rises high. The position gets me so hot and bothered, but before my hips have a chance to really wiggle, the water's rushing into me again and I let out a moan of pleasure and desire.

"Aww, what a good boy... Take a deep breath," her voice is so soft, almost supple and my heart starts welling up in my chest. My Mistress, though able to be quite strict and sadistic, has such caring and gentle moments, too. I feel so lucky to be hers and my eyes start tearing up, remembering past experiences and how wonderfully different she is from everyone I'd ever met my entire life. Sometimes it feels as if we were brought together by some supernatural force and this is one of those times.

I can feel my gut distending and I groan, "Unnghh... getting kind of crampy, Mistress."

"Crabby? You're always crabby, 'cause you're a naughty baby boy who needs my firm hand to guide him! I'll put you to sleep soon if you're so crabby..."

"Not crabby, Mistress! Crampy... like my belly is all bloated." I smirk and try not to chuckle for fear that I might make a mess if I move my tummy muscles wrong, she never ceases to make me laugh even at the oddest moments. She reaches underneath me and begins massaging me again, I soon feel strange gurglings in my belly as water gushes deeper into my colon.

Involuntarily I wriggle my rump around again and she chomps my cheek, leaving red rows of teeth imprints. It makes me whimper, but she kisses and rubs it afterwards, this is one of the most gentle experiences I've had with her. Before long, the flow stops again and she instructs me to roll onto my back with warm praise. I can feel the water settling into different positions and groan as she tells me to take another deep breath. I obey. On the exhale, more water flows into me.

"Oh you're doing so good, my baby boy!" I smile up at her all teary-eyed from how deeply I feel for her. I nod, thank her, and squirm around... it's filling me up and causing distension, I feel bigger than ever before. "Ungh... it's so big, Mistress... I'm so bloated... My belly... it's so big..."

"No, baby boy... no no no. It just feels that way, it looks fine it's only a little swollen, you're taking this great."

"Well you make me happy so I'd do anything to make you as happy as you make me... though I do enjoy it." I really do want to do anything for her, but at the moment all I can really do is wiggle around. After we exchange some light pleasant talk I feel and hear another gurgle... not only did the water move to a new part of my colon, but it empties out of the bag, too! "You're all done, baby boy! Now you just gotta hold it."

"Oooh... I'll try, Mistress."

"Try? No you better fucking hold it, I don't want a single drop on this bed. There will be no messes, hear me?!"

"Yes, Mistress... Sorry Mistress."

She climbs into the bed with me and starts snuggling again, kissing here... biting there... all the while rubbing and kneading my belly to try and aid the bloating. The first few minutes are a breeze and I cuddle back enthusiastically, but after around 5 minutes I start getting less peppy. The urgency increases and it feels like I have to go - NOW! My face twists into a grimace and the whining whimpers start back up, but are soon cut short as Mistress squeezes my cheeks in her hand, "HOLD IT! Or I'll shove a balloon up there!"

Her threat makes my eyes bulge out and I start clenching my butt as hard as possible. The next few moments I'm all but oblivious to her manipulations, concentrating with all my effort on keeping that hot soapy water inside me. Before long, she allows me to release and I waddle to the bathroom... so relieving. I clean myself up and strut back... but if given a DUI test at this moment I would fail I'm so light-headed.

I plop back down on the bed and rest for a moment before we repeat the whole process with a smaller, much easier rinse cycle, by the end of which I'm almost falling asleep I'm so relaxed. After the rinse, Mistress begins kissing me fervently, her hands working on my body with renewed ferocity. As she speaks, there is a hunger in her voice and she spanks my ass. The spank turns into a squeeze upon making contact, "Can you guess what's coming next, my little slutboy?" With a nervous look on my face I gulp audibly in my throat and nod my head. "Y-yeah... I think... I think you're not going to keep me a virgin much longer, are you, Mistress?" Her lips slide into her most sultry, seductive smile and she says, "Yeah... I'm claiming you as my bend over boyfriend, baby boy. It's opening night... time to spread the curtain!"


(End of part 2, but work in progress - changing tense from past to present. Part 3 coming soon!)

The Opening Night (Part 1)

Things were great with my Mistress this past week... I made surprisingly few fuck-ups and she seems genuinely pleased with her pet's performance. I'm happy, more than words can express. Our love affair seems like it can't possibly get any better, although it has a constant tendency to always get better, but everything's just so perfect (been walking on air all day) that I think I can't be happier.

I soon realize I'm wrong - she strikes me like lightning again - taken completely by storm. I meet her in the late evening; she invites me in and I greet her groveling on my knees at her feet and giving them kisses, wondering what form her training will take tonight. She looks gorgeous as ever, but also determined... like she has a specific plan in mind.

"Get up little foo-foo dog, I've got a bone for you tonight!" I respond with a typical excited, "Thank you, Mistress," while she pulls me by the hair (not too fierce or angrily but so I can feel it) as if guiding me with a leash, to her bedroom. I can't keep my lips from grinning or my head from spinning since I'm so excited about what's about to happen and curious at the same time, who knows what she has in mind?

Upon entering the room I saw a comforting, pleasant, and romantic scene. In the candle-light I see an enema bag set up and some lube by the bed... which is made up and decked out with red soft sheets. She leads me to the bed and instructs me to lay on my side with my outside knee raised and she joins me while we slip into our own sort of foreplay. She tugs my hair, kisses and bites all over, some spanks here and there. Nothing too fierce, just little electric and erotic touches to drive me wild, get me wiggling, and send shivers down my spine.

Her every action invokes a reaction, whether a soft coo, a squeal and squirm, or a breathy moan. Her meticulous molestation soon hones its attention in on my posterior... the massaging, biting, kneading, and beating (not brutal, some spanks to redden up my rear) get me so hot - I'm rock hard and rearing to go.

Then those gentle hands ease my cheeks apart and start teasing and toying with my hole, just tickling around it and skirting softly over it. I can't help myself and start pushing and grinding back against her hands and she gives me a sharp spank to remind me who is in control of everything, including pace. I moan and begin looking back over my shoulder to try and see what she is planning. As soon as I get a glance in my cheek, this time the facial one, is met with a similar slap and she stops what she is doing to get up and walk away. Still laying on the bed, I become distraught. "I'm sorry, Mistress... please. I won't look again, I promise!" She returns with a quickness and various fetish gear in tow. "You're damn right you won't, but I don't trust you dirty little slut-boy so I'm going to cuff and blindfold you," she applies the restraints, locking my hands in place behind my back ensuring I won't catch sight of her preparations.

I thank Mistress for her kindness, guidance, and training and apologize for being such a dirty boy while trying to figure out by the strange noises what she's setting up. Before all the words escape my lips I feel her applying slick lubricant to my ass and her finger slips inside; my sentence stops dead in its tracks, cut short by a moan. Although I can't see it, she is smiling down at me while gently probing my ass. First one finger, then another and I become jelly in her hands.

Her sweet voice sings out, coaxing me along, "You're enjoying this, aren't you? Moaning like a slutty little schoolgirl I answer, "Yes, Mistress... I love it, your touch is exquisite."

"What do you want me to do to you, bitch boy?"

"Please, Mistress... give me an enema? I want it so bad... please caress me and tease me and bite me while you fill me with warm water, cleaning me out... I need it, Mistress... I need you to control me, to let me submit to you completely and fully all of me... I want you to own every last part of my body and have control over everything."

"Yes... I do own you completely, Boychik. And you will submit to me."


(To be continued...)

Fear and Worry

It's natural for we humans to feel fear and apprehension, especially when heading into the unknown.  We often fear what we've never experienced.  Now I had had some healthy fears going into this, and my Mistress has dispelled all of them save for the unavoidable (fear of being without her/losing her, and fear of her wrath).

As a virgin, I was terrified.  Not of being hurt physically, not of not liking it... I love and trust my Mistress and know she takes care of me better than I ever could.  But since I had saved my virginity, since I didn't just want to throw it away in some little scene with a stranger or with someone who wouldn't appreciate it, I was worried about it.  I didn't want to give it to her - something so permanent, something I could give to no one else once it's gone, something I'd never get back that would always be hers -  if she were just going to leave after.  But I'm not scared anymore.  Because I know my Mistress better now, I know that she's not a virgin-hunter and that she won't fuck just anyone.  If she fucks me it's to make her happy, but she seems to not want to just throw it away... or take advantage of me/hurt me for no reason and I'm so eternally grateful for that.  I trust her.  I love her.  And I can't wait to give myself to her... now knowing I'll never get it back makes it that much better.  I want to be hers forever, I want my Mistress to always own me and even if she decides I don't deserve her and that she'll cast me out (which I pray never happens), I don't want to ever be able to get her out of my head.

I was also afraid of being hurt again.  I've been hurt so much before... as a submissive, most of my ex's and the women I've tried to be with didn't know how to handle that... and would take advantage of it.  Would use me and abuse me and throw me out.  And not sexually, not for the purposes of domination and not with any kind of... I don't know, trust or understanding... They'd just hurt me pointlessly, just because they could not because I deserved it.  And while I'm hers to use and abuse, she's not doing it for any ulterior motives.  I had set up barriers, walls, defenses.  I had never wanted to give in again, never wanted to love someone again.  And while they were useless against her and I found myself falling for her even while I was terrified of it, terrified of the possibility of being hurt again... I felt like that was a good thing.  Because if you can be hurt that means you care, and if you can care that means there's still hope.  But my Mistress will take care of me.  My Mistress comforts me, calms every storm, and rights every wrong (the wrongs of the world and of my past, she's never wrong).  She's so beautiful inside and out I know she won't take advantage of me... and I know if she crushes me it's because I deserve it because she's not a cruel bitch, she's a just, kind, stern, powerful woman who will do whatever she wants and that's how it should be.  I accept it.  I accept her.  I don't want to fight it, I know I cant.  I've opened the gates, laid down the walls, and her warmth has filled my heart.  Never have I felt so good, so whole, such belonging, as I have serving My Mistress.  Beneath her feet, bent over in front of her...it's where I always want to be.

A Letter to My Mistress

Here's a letter I wrote my Mistress:






Dear Miss ____,

I miss you so much already and it's only been a matter of minutes.  My roomie just got home so I said hi as quick as possible, shooed the dogs in her direction, and ran off to my room to jump headfirst into a daunting task... How can someone like me, unworthy, pathetic, a worthless whore... impress perfection?  What impresses the best?  Could Michael Moore impress Martin Scorcese?  I think not.  Yet I think you for the opportunity, for allowing me the attempt, for giving me an outlet for my emotion instead of just laying in bed, tossing and turning thinking about you and wishing you were here, wishing I could talk to you, wishing for you to even torture me (and not in an enjoyable way), to force me to do things I don't like just to be with you.

Imagine, for a moment... that my sex life / love life, or whatever is physically embodied... manifested... a tangible representation of the intangible.  It's a playground, a giant, sprawling playground.  And every woman I've ever had a fleeting thought about, even just a fantasy is there.  English teachers, actresses, porn stars, my hookups, my flings, my ex's... they're all there.  And you're there too, but you can instantly tell there's something wrong with the picture.  You look out of place, you're not like them.  They swing on swings and slide down slides, playing schoolyard games like hop scotch, double dutch... gossiping and starting drama and pulling each other's hair, vying for my attention in vain.  It's hopeless.  Pointless.  Futile.  There's only one I care about... An adult amongst children.  A shepherd amongst sheep.  A queen amongst peasants.   A Goddess deserving of worship and servitude.  When you speak, you demand attention.  When you act, you command respect.  They start crying, bawling like the babies they are before you dismiss them and they leave, forever.

They're gone.  They're gone because of you.  Because no matter how many I meet, all of them combined couldn't even hold a candle to your love's light, its warmth.  It's just me and you on this playground... free to do as we please.  The way I've always wanted it to be.  And the world IS a playground for you, Miss, isn't it?  It's rare someone can do whatever they want, the world powerless to stop them because she's so powerful.  I've never seen it before and I know I'll only see it again by seeing you again.  And I want to see you again and again.  I want to be in your playground forever, to serve you and love you.  Learn from you and yearn for you.  I never had many role models, I never had many lovers, and there aren't many people I've respected absolutely... someone I'd carry out their every request or demand unquestioningly, lovingly even.  I've never had a teacher, a role model, a lover, and a heroine all in one, let alone also be the best in every category hands down.  

I've never felt such a sense of belonging as I have at your feet, Miss _____.  Anywhere else I feel out of place.  It doesn't feel right.  It's uncomfortable, I don't want to be there, and I constantly long to get back to my place, my home beneath you.  I worship you and aspire to emulate you because although I know I'm infinitely unworthy and no one could ever be like you let alone someone as insignificant as myself, I know imitation is the greatest form of flattery, the highest display of gratitude.  So I beg you Miss _____, please.... oh Goddess please please please.... for the sake of all that I am, for the sake of my future, for the sake of having meaning and purpose... please keep guiding me.  Teaching me, pushing me, testing me, molding me, and owning me.  Fully, completely... Mind, body, heart, soul, existence, past present and future.  I want you to have it all.  I want to be yours.  I long to be yours.  Without you, I'm alone in a pointless playground, with every distraction like swings and slides broken and dilapidated.  But even if they were in great condition as they were now, it would be ruined without you to experience them with me.  I always want to be by your side... but I know I'm not good enough so I pray to be under your feet.  To bend for you, to break for you, to bend over for you, to cry for you, to vie for you, to die for you.  Miss _____.  I'm yours, completely and helplessly.  Always and forever.

Love and Punish,

R,

Any suggestions?  Thoughts?  Part of what I love so much about my Mistress is the tenderness...  It's not all beatings and punishment... she's very kind, too.  Beyond just the obvious like, "You're so kind for just giving me a chance, for even speaking to me, for beating me," etc...  She's just genuinely a great fucking person and it keeps me feeling constantly blessed.